Read Online Prime Time by Jane Fonda - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Jane Fonda
Tags: General, Social Science, Personal Memoirs, Biography & Autobiography, Self-Help, Personal Growth, Motion Picture Actors and Actresses, Aging, Motion Picture Actors and Actresses - United States, Gerontology, Rejuvenation, Aging - Prevention, Aging - Psychological Aspects, Jane - Health, Fonda
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THIRTY TO FIFTY-NINE, AND DURING those three decades most of us go through a number of very significant transitions. These can be particularly dramatic for women.
Transitions
You may be looking back over this time in a life review, or, if you’re young, looking forward to it; in either case, these years typically can include the transition into parenting, then suddenly out of it, when you face the empty-nest syndrome (which can be a wonderful time for a couple, or hard to adjust to); the transition into more power in a job, then perhaps less, or losing a job altogether; and the hormonal shifts that mark the beginning of menopause, which may make us feel we are losing our minds. I felt this way! Because so many of us have postponed motherhood due to careers—births to women ages forty to forty-four increased 71 percent between 1990 an 1999—many of us go through the menopausal transition while we are still trying to cope with our teenagers’ own hormonal turmoil, and these difficult-to-navigate events may coincide with our being laid off from work because of age and our—in the company’s view—onerous seniority! To add to all this, we may find ourselves having to care for ailing parents and in-laws. All these things, together with potential changes in looks, weight, and self-image, can make us feel that our lives have peaked, that it will all be downhill from here on. That is certainly how I felt at this stage! But trust me, for many if not most of us, the best may be yet to come.
Try to think of this time as noted ob-gyn Dr. Christiane Northrup does when she calls it the “springtime of the second half of life.” I will write later about why this can be so!
In 1969, holding my daughter, Vanessa.
Vanessa in 1970.
Vanessa at ten years old.
Around 1985, with Vanessa.
© 2001 SUZANNE TENNER
In My Life So Far, I called Act II “Seeking” because, as I looked back, I could see that, for me, the defining feature of this act was the search I undertook to find meaning in my life. I’d ended my First Act playing Barbarella! With the start of my Second Act—and, with it, the birth of my first child—I left my marriage of eight years, profoundly changed the way I lived, and began asking, What am I here for? What are other people’s lives like? Can I be useful?
For most people, Act II might be called “Building,” because this is when we are building families, careers, our place in society, and our egos. As a result, during this act we are so vulnerable to the many challenges to our egos: Am I being recognized as much as she is? Am I getting paid what I deserve? Why has his business plan worked and mine hasn’t? Why does no one love me? That sort of thing!
Dr. George Vaillant writes, as mentioned previously, that in early midlife, childhood is still significantly important, whereas “unhappy childhoods become less important with time.” 1 Those of us with challenging early lives may have a harder time of it as we enter our Second Acts. We’re supposed to be becoming someone, but we can’t quite find our footing and may—involuntarily—still resort to immature coping mechanisms such as acting out, projection (imposing one’s own thoughts and feelings onto another), or passive-aggressive behavior. A number of long-term studies over the last forty years have shown that maladaptive coping mechanisms such as these can mature into altruism and sublimation as we age, but while we’re in the midst of it, life can be so hard.
It seems to me that those who do the best in their Act III are those who began to manage their egos while they were younger; they became aware of their character traits, how and why others responded to them the way they did, and, if the responses were problematic, asked themselves if perhaps their own behavior, their own thinking, might have been the problem. Often people with immature coping traits blame everyone else for what goes wrong. They have what I call a “the world is full
Transitions
You may be looking back over this time in a life review, or, if you’re young, looking forward to it; in either case, these years typically can include the transition into parenting, then suddenly out of it, when you face the empty-nest syndrome (which can be a wonderful time for a couple, or hard to adjust to); the transition into more power in a job, then perhaps less, or losing a job altogether; and the hormonal shifts that mark the beginning of menopause, which may make us feel we are losing our minds. I felt this way! Because so many of us have postponed motherhood due to careers—births to women ages forty to forty-four increased 71 percent between 1990 an 1999—many of us go through the menopausal transition while we are still trying to cope with our teenagers’ own hormonal turmoil, and these difficult-to-navigate events may coincide with our being laid off from work because of age and our—in the company’s view—onerous seniority! To add to all this, we may find ourselves having to care for ailing parents and in-laws. All these things, together with potential changes in looks, weight, and self-image, can make us feel that our lives have peaked, that it will all be downhill from here on. That is certainly how I felt at this stage! But trust me, for many if not most of us, the best may be yet to come.
Try to think of this time as noted ob-gyn Dr. Christiane Northrup does when she calls it the “springtime of the second half of life.” I will write later about why this can be so!
In 1969, holding my daughter, Vanessa.
Vanessa in 1970.
Vanessa at ten years old.
Around 1985, with Vanessa.
© 2001 SUZANNE TENNER
In My Life So Far, I called Act II “Seeking” because, as I looked back, I could see that, for me, the defining feature of this act was the search I undertook to find meaning in my life. I’d ended my First Act playing Barbarella! With the start of my Second Act—and, with it, the birth of my first child—I left my marriage of eight years, profoundly changed the way I lived, and began asking, What am I here for? What are other people’s lives like? Can I be useful?
For most people, Act II might be called “Building,” because this is when we are building families, careers, our place in society, and our egos. As a result, during this act we are so vulnerable to the many challenges to our egos: Am I being recognized as much as she is? Am I getting paid what I deserve? Why has his business plan worked and mine hasn’t? Why does no one love me? That sort of thing!
Dr. George Vaillant writes, as mentioned previously, that in early midlife, childhood is still significantly important, whereas “unhappy childhoods become less important with time.” 1 Those of us with challenging early lives may have a harder time of it as we enter our Second Acts. We’re supposed to be becoming someone, but we can’t quite find our footing and may—involuntarily—still resort to immature coping mechanisms such as acting out, projection (imposing one’s own thoughts and feelings onto another), or passive-aggressive behavior. A number of long-term studies over the last forty years have shown that maladaptive coping mechanisms such as these can mature into altruism and sublimation as we age, but while we’re in the midst of it, life can be so hard.
It seems to me that those who do the best in their Act III are those who began to manage their egos while they were younger; they became aware of their character traits, how and why others responded to them the way they did, and, if the responses were problematic, asked themselves if perhaps their own behavior, their own thinking, might have been the problem. Often people with immature coping traits blame everyone else for what goes wrong. They have what I call a “the world is full
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