Read Online Priestley Plays Four by J. B. Priestley - Free Book Online Page A

he-he-he-he!
    MALGRIM:
(Contemptuously.)
I know you did. Too obvious, my dear Uncle. So I moved, with a cat and bat, to
Akibeec
and
Berkaiac
and their group. Want a trial of strength?
(As MARLAGRAM comes out into room, leaving passage in wall open behind him.)
No, I thought not. No decent strategy, no proper planning. You realise I’m now a move ahead of you?
    MARLAGRAM: No I don’t.
    MALGRIM: Of course I am. If you go back to Peradore, then you leave me here to meet Princess Melicent.
    MARLAGRAM: I’m not going to do that, my boy.
    MALGRIM: Very well. Then you stay here, I return to Peradore, and there I’m a move ahead of you.
(Moves towards opening in wall.)
I’ll have Merlin’s brooch yet – you’ll see.
    MARLAGRAM: You can’t close that wall after you, though. Like to try?
    MALGRIM:
(Turning at opening.)
Why should I bother? Waste of effort.
(As he goes.)
I’m a move ahead of you.
    MARLAGRAM:
(To himself.)
He is too. Smart lad – but too pleased with himself.
    He moves restlessly, obviously trying to plan something. In one of these moves he can casually push the still rigid MAN out of the way as if he is a piece of furniture. A flap underneath bar counter opens, and the BARMAID, dazed, comes creeping through. She stands up straight, still dazed, stares at MARLAGRAM, then at the MAN, then at opening in wall
.
    BARMAID:
(Faintly.)
Oh – my godfather!
(To MARLAGRAM.)
Look – could you drink twelve glasses of Benedictine and milk?
    MARLAGRAM: No. Never touch milk.
    BARMAID:
(Still dazed.)
Cheery-bye then!
    She totters out through the opening in the wall. MARLAGRAM gives the MAN a tap, then goes under bar counter and appears behind it
.
    MAN: ’Ere, what’s wrong with my eyes?
    MARLAGRAM: They’re looking at nothing – out of nothing. You haven’t been alive for years. What are you drinking?
    MAN:
(Gloomily.)
Mild ale.
    MARLAGRAM: You’ve been drowning yourself. He-he-he-he! What you need is a pint of dragon’s blood. Here!
(He produces a pint glass mug filled with crimson liquid. The MAN takes it.)
Drink that – and come to life. Millions of you crawling about, just waiting for free coffins. Dip your nose into that – and tell me what day it is.
    MAN: I’ll take a chance.
(He drinks, then coming to life, grins broadly.)
By crikey – they were right. It’s the thirty-first of June.
    MARLAGRAM: That’s more like it – he-he-he-he!
    Enter MELICENT and PHILIP
.
    PHILIP:
(Talking as they enter.)
I’m not saying you’re not a very nice girl, duckie – and probably just right for Sam – but the fact remains you’ve finished me with television for at least the next two years –
    MELICENT:
(Seeing him.)
Oh – Master Marlagram – I’m so glad to see you. Hurry up and take me back to real life.
    MARLAGRAM: We’re off in one minute.
    MAN:
(To Philip.)
What you want’s a drop of this dragon’s blood. Then you won’t care if you’ve finished with television for ever.
(To MARLAGRAM.)
Another pint o’ dragons, please!
    MARLAGRAM:
(Producing it.)
There you are! Ready for off, girl? Watch it then. Here it comes.
    PHILIP:
(Holding up a cigarette.)
Would you mind giving me a light for my cigarette?
    MARLAGRAM:
This is it!
    He sets off a powerful green or red flare, and the roaring wind noise is heard. In the glare and smoke, MELICENT goes through the wall, which closes behind her, while MARLAGRAM simply disappears behind bar. When smoke has cleared, MAN and PHILIP are left staring at each other, both holding their pint glasses
.
    PHILIP:
(Dazed.)
Cheers!
(He drinks.)
    MAN: All the best!
(He drinks.)
    PHILIP:
(Trying to cope with the situation.)
Er – what – er –
(He looks round in a kind of despair, and makes a few more vague noises.)
    MAN:
(Cheerfully.)
Turned out nice again, hasn’t it?
    PHILIP:
(Still dazed.)
Has it?
    MAN:
(Cheerfully.)
Can’t expect anything different, though, can you – thirty-first of June?
    He takes a long pull at his drink while PHILIP stares at him and then finally,