way puzzled, it seemed, when he looked at her.
I’ve got to stop thinking of him, she thought. We barely know each other and he’s married and I bet Mary’s really beautiful . . . I’m nothing to him. She was ashamed at the extent of her feelings, her preoccupation with him, hour after hour which she could not seem to overcome by willpower.
Her need to think of Ned blocked out other feelings of longing. Neither her father nor Sarah had written back to answer Olive’s letter.
So they don’t want me, even enough to drop a line . . . But she no longer felt homesick. For what would life be, if he was not there? In two weeks Ned had invaded her thoughts until she could keep her mind on almost nothing else.
The next week he did come with Mary. Jess was in a state of nerves all morning, wondering if they’d come. When they arrived she backed into the scullery, peeping out to get a look at Ned’s wife.
She heard Mary’s high, slightly nasal voice first.
‘Lovely to see yer, Mrs Beeston.’ Jess thought she sounded nervous.
‘Yer’ll want to sit down,’ Olive was saying. ‘Ooh, yer carrying low awright! Never mind, bab, soon be over now. Come on in and take a pew.’
Trying hard to look casual, Jess stepped out of the scullery. The first thing that struck her was Mary’s smallness beside Ned. She was a tiny, pale thing with freckles, auburn hair tied in a high ponytail and arms poking out of her loose stripey frock which were so white and skinny they looked as if they’d snap like kindling. She was carrying the child well out at the front and the burden of it looked enough to topple her over on her face.
Jess was rocked by the violent stab of jealousy that went through her. Savage thoughts ran through her mind. She’s barely worth having, scrawny little thing! And look at that thin neck, and those arms! For a second she placed her hands on her own waist, feeling her strong, hourglass shape.
She was ashamed at her thoughts. What right did she have to be so horrible? Mary was bound to be very nice – she was Ned’s wife, after all! She knew Polly didn’t think much of Mary though. Was there a good reason for this?
She managed a smile at Mary. She had a sweet face, even Jess could see that, with high, arched eyebrows which made her look permanently surprised and interested.
‘I’m Jess. Polly’s cousin.’
‘Oh—’ Mary nodded. ‘That’s nice. Come to stay for a bit, ’ave yer?’
‘Sit down and ’ave a cuppa tea – and I might rustle up a bit of cake if yer lucky.’ Olive nodded over at
Mary. ‘Look as if yer could do with feeding up, wench.’ It sounded like an accusation.
They stayed a couple of hours, Mary laughing and joking, full of importance as a young wife who was about to have her first baby. Jess did her best to smile and laugh. She wanted to shine in front of Ned, for him at least to notice her. She sat Ronny on her lap and fed him mouthfuls of cake, kissing his cheeks. He’d get down, play about for a bit, run to Ernie for a time, then scramble up on her lap again.
‘Come ’ere,’ she said as he approached her again. ‘Ooh, yer don’t make up yer mind, do yer!’
She felt the strength in her arms, lifting him up, and glanced across, longing to see Ned looking at her. For all she attempted to pull herself together and be sensible, she wanted to know he was watching. His being there lit her up. She felt as if she was glowing in the room. But he never seemed to see her. Was looking anywhere but in her direction, it seemed, whenever she looked up and tried to meet his eyes.
‘You’re settling over there then, are yer?’ Olive asked. ‘I was hoping yer might move closer over ’ere.’
‘Oh, I wouldn’t want to leave me mom,’ Mary said. ‘She still needs me ’elp like – all me brothers and sisters. I’m the eldest of ten,’ she explained to Jess.
‘She’s got ’er ’ands full then,’ Jess smiled.
‘None too well either, is she?’ Ned was sitting
I’ve got to stop thinking of him, she thought. We barely know each other and he’s married and I bet Mary’s really beautiful . . . I’m nothing to him. She was ashamed at the extent of her feelings, her preoccupation with him, hour after hour which she could not seem to overcome by willpower.
Her need to think of Ned blocked out other feelings of longing. Neither her father nor Sarah had written back to answer Olive’s letter.
So they don’t want me, even enough to drop a line . . . But she no longer felt homesick. For what would life be, if he was not there? In two weeks Ned had invaded her thoughts until she could keep her mind on almost nothing else.
The next week he did come with Mary. Jess was in a state of nerves all morning, wondering if they’d come. When they arrived she backed into the scullery, peeping out to get a look at Ned’s wife.
She heard Mary’s high, slightly nasal voice first.
‘Lovely to see yer, Mrs Beeston.’ Jess thought she sounded nervous.
‘Yer’ll want to sit down,’ Olive was saying. ‘Ooh, yer carrying low awright! Never mind, bab, soon be over now. Come on in and take a pew.’
Trying hard to look casual, Jess stepped out of the scullery. The first thing that struck her was Mary’s smallness beside Ned. She was a tiny, pale thing with freckles, auburn hair tied in a high ponytail and arms poking out of her loose stripey frock which were so white and skinny they looked as if they’d snap like kindling. She was carrying the child well out at the front and the burden of it looked enough to topple her over on her face.
Jess was rocked by the violent stab of jealousy that went through her. Savage thoughts ran through her mind. She’s barely worth having, scrawny little thing! And look at that thin neck, and those arms! For a second she placed her hands on her own waist, feeling her strong, hourglass shape.
She was ashamed at her thoughts. What right did she have to be so horrible? Mary was bound to be very nice – she was Ned’s wife, after all! She knew Polly didn’t think much of Mary though. Was there a good reason for this?
She managed a smile at Mary. She had a sweet face, even Jess could see that, with high, arched eyebrows which made her look permanently surprised and interested.
‘I’m Jess. Polly’s cousin.’
‘Oh—’ Mary nodded. ‘That’s nice. Come to stay for a bit, ’ave yer?’
‘Sit down and ’ave a cuppa tea – and I might rustle up a bit of cake if yer lucky.’ Olive nodded over at
Mary. ‘Look as if yer could do with feeding up, wench.’ It sounded like an accusation.
They stayed a couple of hours, Mary laughing and joking, full of importance as a young wife who was about to have her first baby. Jess did her best to smile and laugh. She wanted to shine in front of Ned, for him at least to notice her. She sat Ronny on her lap and fed him mouthfuls of cake, kissing his cheeks. He’d get down, play about for a bit, run to Ernie for a time, then scramble up on her lap again.
‘Come ’ere,’ she said as he approached her again. ‘Ooh, yer don’t make up yer mind, do yer!’
She felt the strength in her arms, lifting him up, and glanced across, longing to see Ned looking at her. For all she attempted to pull herself together and be sensible, she wanted to know he was watching. His being there lit her up. She felt as if she was glowing in the room. But he never seemed to see her. Was looking anywhere but in her direction, it seemed, whenever she looked up and tried to meet his eyes.
‘You’re settling over there then, are yer?’ Olive asked. ‘I was hoping yer might move closer over ’ere.’
‘Oh, I wouldn’t want to leave me mom,’ Mary said. ‘She still needs me ’elp like – all me brothers and sisters. I’m the eldest of ten,’ she explained to Jess.
‘She’s got ’er ’ands full then,’ Jess smiled.
‘None too well either, is she?’ Ned was sitting
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