Read Online Please Let It Stop by Jacqueline Gold - Free Book Online
Authors: Jacqueline Gold
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kindred spirits, this was about the fact that one of us was making a major life transition and was, in effect, becoming somebody completely different. There were three major issues between us, any one of which would have tested a relationship: Tony wanted a family more than anything; I was becoming a career girl with big dreams; and I had a new, unstoppable confidence.
In 1986 we moved to Chaldon to an old school house with an air raid shelter in the garden that was perfect for Tony to run his new business from. It was a really sweet, gorgeous house and we’d fallen in love with it. When I tellyou it was called ‘Willey Broom’ you can see why there was no question we had to have it! The move seemed to give Tony extra impetus and he did his best to spoil me, but the relationship was beyond repair. He’d hoped that the new house and his foray into lingerie manufacturing would give us a fresh start but while it momentarily revved things up, it was never going to address the longer-term issues. Our relationship was slowly disintegrating and any measures we were taking just seemed to further highlight the deep divisions in the way we saw our lives. It hadn’t helped that I’d had such a dysfunctional childhood that I married earlier than I should.
One evening in November 1988 we were invited to dinner at a friend’s place in Sevenoaks and as I looked around at her cosy little flat, I began to envy her independence. I felt trapped and at that moment I knew I just wanted to break free and live my life again. Back home, we ended up having a big row and Tony went for a drive in his car to cool down. While he was gone I quickly packed a suitcase and went to my dad’s for two weeks; Tony seemed to be on the phone every five minutes trying to persuade me to come back. I told him the marriage was over and that I loved him but I had outgrown the relationship. Both my loyalty to Tony and my perfectionist streak meant that my family had no idea we had any problems so it came as a shock to them. We had a good time – ten years in all – but I definitely think I married too young. Looking back, itfeels as though I was the youngest twenty-year-old ever to get married. Tony remarried, has a family and is a wonderful husband and father. We remained friends and still meet up for lunch every now and then.
While I had loved Tony, our relationship was very much one that reflected the place I was in at the time. Back then I was a young, inexperienced girl who’d lived this stifled, traumatic life inside the walls of her own home. I had only stepped out into the world when I started part-time work and, compared to other fifteen- or sixteen-year-olds, did not have the normal range of experiences: I didn’t know what it was like to socialise normally, let alone how to conduct a relationship. Tony was my Prince Charming: good-looking, hard working and stable, he also provided the most wonderful reason for me to escape my mother’s house. Perhaps if I had been more streetwise and confident, I might have waited longer to get married. Or I might not have married at all. However, I have no regrets: it was an important time in my life. I outgrew the relationship and, although it was painful for both of us at the time, it could have been worse if I had not had the courage to understand what was going on. I think once you realise that things have irretrievably changed, anything else after that is pretending. You are being dishonest both to yourself and to the other person. I know it’s easy to stay with something familiar and even to convince yourself that is what youreally want because the thought of the world out there is terrifying. So is the thought of potentially hurting someone else. All I can say is that you will hurt them more if you stay with them under false pretences.
CHAPTER FOUR
My sister, my friend
After Tony and I split up in November 1988 all I wanted to do was live in my own flat, just like my friend in Sevenoaks. I found a
In 1986 we moved to Chaldon to an old school house with an air raid shelter in the garden that was perfect for Tony to run his new business from. It was a really sweet, gorgeous house and we’d fallen in love with it. When I tellyou it was called ‘Willey Broom’ you can see why there was no question we had to have it! The move seemed to give Tony extra impetus and he did his best to spoil me, but the relationship was beyond repair. He’d hoped that the new house and his foray into lingerie manufacturing would give us a fresh start but while it momentarily revved things up, it was never going to address the longer-term issues. Our relationship was slowly disintegrating and any measures we were taking just seemed to further highlight the deep divisions in the way we saw our lives. It hadn’t helped that I’d had such a dysfunctional childhood that I married earlier than I should.
One evening in November 1988 we were invited to dinner at a friend’s place in Sevenoaks and as I looked around at her cosy little flat, I began to envy her independence. I felt trapped and at that moment I knew I just wanted to break free and live my life again. Back home, we ended up having a big row and Tony went for a drive in his car to cool down. While he was gone I quickly packed a suitcase and went to my dad’s for two weeks; Tony seemed to be on the phone every five minutes trying to persuade me to come back. I told him the marriage was over and that I loved him but I had outgrown the relationship. Both my loyalty to Tony and my perfectionist streak meant that my family had no idea we had any problems so it came as a shock to them. We had a good time – ten years in all – but I definitely think I married too young. Looking back, itfeels as though I was the youngest twenty-year-old ever to get married. Tony remarried, has a family and is a wonderful husband and father. We remained friends and still meet up for lunch every now and then.
While I had loved Tony, our relationship was very much one that reflected the place I was in at the time. Back then I was a young, inexperienced girl who’d lived this stifled, traumatic life inside the walls of her own home. I had only stepped out into the world when I started part-time work and, compared to other fifteen- or sixteen-year-olds, did not have the normal range of experiences: I didn’t know what it was like to socialise normally, let alone how to conduct a relationship. Tony was my Prince Charming: good-looking, hard working and stable, he also provided the most wonderful reason for me to escape my mother’s house. Perhaps if I had been more streetwise and confident, I might have waited longer to get married. Or I might not have married at all. However, I have no regrets: it was an important time in my life. I outgrew the relationship and, although it was painful for both of us at the time, it could have been worse if I had not had the courage to understand what was going on. I think once you realise that things have irretrievably changed, anything else after that is pretending. You are being dishonest both to yourself and to the other person. I know it’s easy to stay with something familiar and even to convince yourself that is what youreally want because the thought of the world out there is terrifying. So is the thought of potentially hurting someone else. All I can say is that you will hurt them more if you stay with them under false pretences.
CHAPTER FOUR
My sister, my friend
After Tony and I split up in November 1988 all I wanted to do was live in my own flat, just like my friend in Sevenoaks. I found a
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