Read Online Phule's Paradise by Robert Asprin (rsv) - Free Book Online

sure of a couple of these, sir. I was hoping you could-"
          "Being sure is a luxury you rarely get as an officer, Lieutenant. You make the best guess you can in the time allowed, then make it the right choice."
          "But ..."
          "Our main criterion is that they fit into uniform sizes that we have in stock. Outside of that, they're mostly window dressing. As to personalities ... well ... if you'll recall, we took potluck with this company to start with. I doubt there is anyone in there that will be more of a problem case than the Legionnaires we're already dealing with. Agreed?"
          "I ... I guess so sir."
          "Fine. Like I've said before, Rembrandt, you need to be more decisive. I don't have time to duplicate your work-and neither do you if we're going to give the new bodies time to pack and get on board before lift-off. I suggest you start moving."
          "Yes, sir!"
          Momentarily forgetting her civilian garb, Rembrandt drew herself to attention and fired off a salute before fleeing her commander's presence.
          "Well, Beek," Phule said, turning to his butler at last, "except for that, how are things going?"
          "Rather better than they are for you, it would seem ... sir." Beeker's voice was utterly devoid of warmth.
          "How's that again?" Phule frowned. "Is something wrong, Beek?"
          "Not at all, sir. It's always a treat to watch the finesse and compassion with which you handle your subordinates. Of course, I have noticed that your skill level seems to drop in direct proportion to the amount of sleep you've been getting ... sir."
          The commander shot a glance in the direction in which Rembrandt had disappeared.
          "What you're trying to say, in your traditionally subtle way, of course, is that you think I was a little hard on Rembrandt just now. Right?"
          "I suppose from your point of view, sir, you were being quite tolerant," the butler observed blandly. "I mean, you could have had her stood up against a wall and shot."
          "I'll take that as a 'yes.'" Phule sighed heavily. "I guess ..."
          "Or then again, flogging is always effective, if a bit outdated," Beeker continued as if his employer hadn't spoken.
          "All right, all right! I get the point! I guess I've been a bit tense lately. Relocating the company has been more of a hassle than I anticipated."
          "I wouldn't know, sir," Beeker said, shrugging slightly. "What I do know, however, is how hard Lieutenant Rembrandt has been working on the assignment you so casually dumped on her, and how concerned she's been about whether or not you'd approve of her efforts, much less her results."
          "Which is why she wanted me to review her choices before finalizing them," Phule said, finishing the thought. "Of course, my barking at her is only going to hurt, not help, her confidence, which is the exact opposite of what I wanted to have happen."
          "It's hard to see where anything positive will come from your current stance ... in my own, humble opinion, sir," the butler confirmed mercilessly.
          Phule gave another sigh, running a hand over his face like he was trying to wipe water from it, and seemed to deflate back into himself.
          "Sorry, Beek," he said. "I seem to be running tired these days. You know, when I was giving the crew going under cover their final briefing, Armstrong had to point out to me that I was getting redundant-that I had reviewed the procedures on their new communicators three times even though there hadn't been any questions. Can you believe that? Armstrong? Keeping me from making an idiot of myself in front of the troops?"
          "Lieutenant Armstrong has come a long way," Beeker observed, "but I see your point. I think, however, that your troops, like myself, will be inclined to worry rather than be critical over minor flaws in your performance."
          "Yeah.