Chapter 1
“ L et me go !” I slammed my fists into Dave’s hard chest.
“Easy there, buttercup,” his deep voice vibrated above me, sending an uncomfortably delicate chill up my arms.
“I said, Let. Me. Go.”
He finally released his tight grip from around my hand. It didn’t hurt – in fact, I sort of regretted pulling away from him – but being so close to this man was too dangerous. Way too dangerous. It brought up too many memories, both good and bad.
“You know, there was a time when you begged to be in my arms.” He stepped closer and I backed away, losing my footing on the icy porch once again. Dave caught me and I fell right into him for the second time.
“You mean, when I was young and stupid?” Despite my resolve to be strong, my voice quivered.
“No, I mean, when you still believed in us.”
Us. There was no ‘us.’ There never could be an ‘us.’ But as I tried to hold fast to my argument for why we could never be together, I connected my gaze with his, which was a mistake. His beautiful green eyes were doing that magical thing where I couldn’t look away. And I didn’t even believe in magic. Earth’s orbital cycles; twenty-four hour days; fresh rain hitting your face on a cloudy day; the smell of spring — those things were magical, but real. Nature was real, and life was balanced until men disturbed it. Where was I? Oh, yeah, Dave’s eyes. They were like a cat’s – better yet, a wild black panther’s who’d never seen humankind and wanted to sink its teeth into their neck. Actually, make that my neck. He’d lick before biting and kiss before sucking the skin, tasting it before he owned it. That’s how I remembered Dave’s lips, tongue, and the gentle scrape of his teeth on me.
The spicy smell of cinnamon and nutmeg caught my nose, and the heat of his lips touched near my dimple. Oh, God!
“Merry Christmas, Millie.”
Danger! Danger! The alarm bells in my head weren’t loud enough to overpower the sound of his voice and the thumping of his heart. See what I meant about magical? Dave had a way of zapping me right out of this world with one long look. Actually, he completely whacked my life out of orbit each time he was close, making it that much more difficult to stay away.
“Dave, please…”
“Why, Millie? Just tell me why we can’t be together so that I can move on. It’s been seven years. Please?” His eyes were sad, begging for an explanation I couldn’t give him. How could I tell the only person I had loved in my life that he couldn’t give me what I needed? What I needed was something safe and a way not to ever hurt anyone again. Zen was my middle name, and if my emotions remained balanced, the natural energy surrounding me would lead me forward.
“I… I’m sorry. I should go in.”
“Wait.” He held me steady and pointed up. I followed his gaze up to where a sprig of mistletoe hung underneath the porch roof.
“We gotta kiss.” He still had that same sly smirk on his face, identical to when he was eighteen, the year we met. Jesus, that was so long ago. So many years later, he still affected me the same way he did when I walked into that high school. “It’s tradition.”
No way. Kissing him would be the equivalent of a nuclear bomb falling on top of me. I couldn’t control the outcome of his lips on mine. It would be a disaster; a wonderful disaster, but still - a disaster. I’d melt, disintegrate, fall apart, and no one could ever put me back together again. I shook my head, creating the maximum distance he would allow between us—which wasn’t much. It was just enough to get a breath of frozen air inside my lungs and frost my heart all over again.
“I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit a better argument than that,” I spat back. “You’re never touching my lips again.”
I finally managed to wiggle out of his comfortable arms and pushed past him into the cabin.
Aha! The culprit behind it all was hanging another one of
“ L et me go !” I slammed my fists into Dave’s hard chest.
“Easy there, buttercup,” his deep voice vibrated above me, sending an uncomfortably delicate chill up my arms.
“I said, Let. Me. Go.”
He finally released his tight grip from around my hand. It didn’t hurt – in fact, I sort of regretted pulling away from him – but being so close to this man was too dangerous. Way too dangerous. It brought up too many memories, both good and bad.
“You know, there was a time when you begged to be in my arms.” He stepped closer and I backed away, losing my footing on the icy porch once again. Dave caught me and I fell right into him for the second time.
“You mean, when I was young and stupid?” Despite my resolve to be strong, my voice quivered.
“No, I mean, when you still believed in us.”
Us. There was no ‘us.’ There never could be an ‘us.’ But as I tried to hold fast to my argument for why we could never be together, I connected my gaze with his, which was a mistake. His beautiful green eyes were doing that magical thing where I couldn’t look away. And I didn’t even believe in magic. Earth’s orbital cycles; twenty-four hour days; fresh rain hitting your face on a cloudy day; the smell of spring — those things were magical, but real. Nature was real, and life was balanced until men disturbed it. Where was I? Oh, yeah, Dave’s eyes. They were like a cat’s – better yet, a wild black panther’s who’d never seen humankind and wanted to sink its teeth into their neck. Actually, make that my neck. He’d lick before biting and kiss before sucking the skin, tasting it before he owned it. That’s how I remembered Dave’s lips, tongue, and the gentle scrape of his teeth on me.
The spicy smell of cinnamon and nutmeg caught my nose, and the heat of his lips touched near my dimple. Oh, God!
“Merry Christmas, Millie.”
Danger! Danger! The alarm bells in my head weren’t loud enough to overpower the sound of his voice and the thumping of his heart. See what I meant about magical? Dave had a way of zapping me right out of this world with one long look. Actually, he completely whacked my life out of orbit each time he was close, making it that much more difficult to stay away.
“Dave, please…”
“Why, Millie? Just tell me why we can’t be together so that I can move on. It’s been seven years. Please?” His eyes were sad, begging for an explanation I couldn’t give him. How could I tell the only person I had loved in my life that he couldn’t give me what I needed? What I needed was something safe and a way not to ever hurt anyone again. Zen was my middle name, and if my emotions remained balanced, the natural energy surrounding me would lead me forward.
“I… I’m sorry. I should go in.”
“Wait.” He held me steady and pointed up. I followed his gaze up to where a sprig of mistletoe hung underneath the porch roof.
“We gotta kiss.” He still had that same sly smirk on his face, identical to when he was eighteen, the year we met. Jesus, that was so long ago. So many years later, he still affected me the same way he did when I walked into that high school. “It’s tradition.”
No way. Kissing him would be the equivalent of a nuclear bomb falling on top of me. I couldn’t control the outcome of his lips on mine. It would be a disaster; a wonderful disaster, but still - a disaster. I’d melt, disintegrate, fall apart, and no one could ever put me back together again. I shook my head, creating the maximum distance he would allow between us—which wasn’t much. It was just enough to get a breath of frozen air inside my lungs and frost my heart all over again.
“I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and shit a better argument than that,” I spat back. “You’re never touching my lips again.”
I finally managed to wiggle out of his comfortable arms and pushed past him into the cabin.
Aha! The culprit behind it all was hanging another one of
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