Read Online Out of Order by Robin Stevenson - Free Book Online

hands pressed against my mouth. Voices in my head are whispering
fat cow, fat bitch, fat fat fat.
I wonder how strong Max would think I was if she could see the movies play­ing in my head.
    ON SATURDAY MORNING , the phone rings early, waking me up.
    Mom calls to me, “Sophie! It’s Zelia. Are you awake?”
    â€œYeah.” I rub my hands across my eyes and sit up, swing­ing my legs over the side of my bed. I pick up the phone from my nightstand.
    â€œHello?”
    â€œHey. So, are we going downtown today or what?”
    â€œOkay,” I say, snuggling back under the covers. “After I ride.”
    There is a silence.
    â€œSo, are you riding with Max?” Zelia asks.
    â€œMaybe. If she’s there.”
    â€œWhatever. So, you want to meet downtown this afternoon then?”
    I am about to agree. I open my mouth to say
yeah, sure
. Then something heavy shifts and settles inside me. Gran still hasn’t told Mom. I haven’t talked to her since last Saturday, down on the sidewalk by the bookstore. I don’t want to hang around downtown today. I don’t want to sit on that sidewalk and mock the people passing by.
    I bite my lip, hesitating. “Why don’t you come here a bit later?” I say.
    It is only after I hang up, still half-asleep, that I realize I forgot to ask where she has been all week.
    MAX ISN’T AT the barn, so I ride alone. The sky is a sharp clear blue, and the cold air tastes like burning leaves. When my mom comes to pick me up, Zelia is in the passenger seat.
    â€œI was bored,” she says, “so I went round to your place, and your mom said I could come along for the ride.”
    Zelia makes excuses to hang out with my mom a lot. This is probably paranoid, but sometimes I even wonder if she just wants to be friends with me because she likes my mother so much. I’m always holding my breath when they are together, scared that my mom might say something about what I was like before we came here. In a way, I’m glad I never told Mom about the things that happened at my old school. It makes it easier to keep it a secret.
    I rub at a patch of dirt on my hand and watch the Welds roll past. I don’t know how to talk to Zelia with my mom sitting there beside her. It’s like I’ve split into two people this fall: one for Zelia and one for my mom. The two parts don’t Wt together, so I just stare silently out the window.
    Zelia fills the void, chatting away about nothing in partic­ular. As the Welds give way to city streets, she twists around to grin at me and then turns to my mother. “Can I stay for dinner?” she asks.
    Mom pauses for a moment before answering. I can tell she wants to say no, but I know she won’t. She never does. “Gran is coming over...and a fellow from the university. A colleague. I might do some teaching up there in January.” She sighs and shrugs. “Oh sure, stay. The more the merrier, right?”
    Gran. I had forgotten that she was coming today. I hadn’t realized that I would have to face her tonight. I slouch down in the backseat, glad that Mom can’t see my face.
    Zelia and I go up to my bedroom. She sits on my bed, lean­ing back against the pillows. I perch on the end, cross-legged.
    â€œSo?” I ask. “Where were you all week? I kept calling.”
    â€œLee kicked me out,” Zelia says.
    â€œWhat? Kicked you out? What do you mean?”
    â€œShe wanted to be alone with Michael, so she sent me to stay with my aunt.” Zelia grabs one of my pillows and hugs it to her chest. “My freaking old hippy aunt who’s stoned half the time.”
    â€œSeriously? What did you do?”
    Zelia shrugged. “Not much. She lives way out of town, out in Sooke. She doesn’t even have a phone or a TV . Mostly I read her weird meditation magazines and tried not to die of boredom.”
    I can’t imagine. “You should have stayed with