Read Online Orchards by Holly Thompson - Free Book Online Page B

talk
    when I do finally speak
    I tell Jake that
    later this month
    we will visit
    our cousins for Rosh Hashanah
    and join the Tashlich walk
    along the river
    as we do each year
    to focus on the past year
    casting crumbs of bread
    symbolizing our sins, our mistakes
    into the water
     
    and I say I will have to cast a whole
    loaf of bread
    or several
    to equal enough crumbs
    for all my mistakes
    this past year
    he nods
    then says
    I’d need a loaf, too
    no
, I say
    not you
    there’s just one important crumb
    you need to cast
    which one’s that?
he asks
    and I say
    the one for blaming yourself
     

T wo days later is
    the memorial service
    for Lisa, delayed so all of us
    who’ve been away can attend
    and where your mother
    gives a moving speech to us all
    has us hold hands, Ruth,
    until everyone in the chapel
    is connected
    in one big
    tangled chain
     
    she begs us
    each link
    in that community chain
    to make a pact to do
    what you can’t do
    what Lisa can’t do
    anymore—
    which is
    live
     
    then when she speaks of her idea to create
    a memorial among some trees
    in a section of orchard
    that Jake’s family has offered to
    donate
    I start
              thinking
              seeing
              sketching
    in my head
    as the service goes on
    tearful speeches one after another
    tributes to Lisa
    pleas to us all
    it is like
    I am drawing in the dirt
    in the
mikan
groves
    with Koichi
     
    later I tell
    Emi
    my mother
    my father
    and they tell me to draw
    in earnest
    and take me to an art store
    for supplies
    and then I do a difficult thing
    which is to call
    your mother
    to tell her
    my idea
     
    she invites me to come
    to your house the next week
    after school
    and there
    in your dining room
    your dogs checking me out
    I unroll and show her
    my plan
     
    which is
    for a path
    of flat stones
    that meanders
    through the orchard
    one stone to represent
    each of us former
    eighth-grade girls
    stones leading to a gazebo
    with benches for
    sitting
    talking
    watching the trees
    the rhythm of the year
    in sap, leaves, buds, fruit
    the cycle of growth and rest
    growth and rest
     
    I tell her that
    every year when the
    apples are in blossom
    we’ll gather
    decorate the gazebo
    with new greens
    bring you and Lisa
    your favorite foods
    and light small welcome fires
    for you both
    to join us
    and maybe we’ll sing
    or play some music
    maybe we’ll dance
    or at least walk
    around the gazebo
    and maybe we’ll picnic
    in the orchard
    or maybe not
    but definitely we’ll share
    our hopes
    dreams
    goals
    all the ways we promise
    to survive
    another year
    without you both
     
    your mother
    nods
    and starts to move her mouth
    but then she furrows her brow
    and says
    just one thing—
    can you make
    those stepping stones enough
    for all the eighth-grade girls
    and boys?
     
    I say
    of course
    not knowing why
    I didn’t think of that myself
    then I wait
    as your mother studies my drawings
    leans over them
    runs her fingers over my
    careful pen lines and letters
    and underneath
    the dogs sigh and
    settle down
    at my feet
     
    she sits up straight
    breathes in deep
    with effort it seems
    yes
    she finally says
    she would be pleased
    if I shared the plan with
    Jake and his family
    and if they approve
    and your father and brother approve
    and if Lisa’s godparents approve
    she would be especially pleased
    if I made the design
    and built the memorial
    with everyone’s help
     
    as I leave your house
    to bike home
    I am bursting with
    ideas
    pedaling madly
    nearly going off
    the side of the road
    into a ditch
    I find my mother in the field
    tending her Japanese pumpkins
    and I share the news
     
    later I call Jake
    who comes over to check the plans
    no, scrutinize the plans
    and make suggestions
    and when we get the go-ahead
    I call Ken
    and Abby and Emily
    and Gina
    and Namita
    who all agree to help
    with the construction
    if I will tell them
    what to do
    I don’t tell them that first
    I have to learn
    myself
    what to