Read Online Orchards by Holly Thompson - Free Book Online

stays beside me
    lies beside me
    holds me
     
    at night I wake
    in the dark
    and turn
    and Baachan
    on a futon beside mine
    turns toward me
    pats my back
    and Yurie on her futon
    beside mine
    turns toward me
    takes my hand
     
    somehow I sleep
    between them
    all night
     

I lie there
    a doctor comes
    I take a pill
    and sleep
    wake
    sleep
    soups are brought
    I sip
    sleep
    when I wake
    someone is always there
    someone always takes my hand
    strokes my head
     
    I don’t eat till late
    the next day
    almost dark
    again
    when Baachan
    brings me a plate
    of pancakes
    covered with canned slices of
mikan
    and sweet whipped cream
    which she spears mouthfuls of
    on a fork
    and feeds me
    as I tremble
    and stop
    to cry
     
    when I can finally speak
    to my mother
    by phone
    I learn that
    as it turns out
    in Lisa’s pocket
    was a printout
    of an email
    from Jake
    who wrote
    we can’t hate ourselves
    just find a way to make this
    turn you into someone
    better than you were
    that’s what we all have to do
    that’s all we can do
     
    I translate this to Baachan
    who squeezes her eyes shut
    shakes her head
    mournful, slow
    and uses that handkerchief
    that’s always tucked and ready
    in her front
    apron pocket
     
    Newton’s third law
    of reciprocal action
    says
    for every action there is an equal
    and opposite
    reaction
    that all forces are interactions
    all forces come in pairs
    Physics and You
    spells it out
    says
    if body A exerts a force
    on body B
    then body B will exert a force
    of the same magnitude
    on body A
    push and pull
    I think
    maybe this
    is what happened
    with Lisa
    and you, Ruth—
    body A
    and body B
     

A fter two and a half days
    Baachan tells me to get up
    and shower
    and then come help
    in the kitchen
    start your body moving
she says
    your mind will follow
     
    Yurie has left for work
    Aunt, Uncle and Koichi are in the groves
    they’ve all eaten
    Baachan’s washing up
    I sit at the table alone
    I eat rice, miso soup
    then Baachan and I
    go for a walk
    up to the temple
    before the heat starts
    before the cicadas
    are deafening
    when there is still
    coolness to be found
    in shade
     
    we trudge uphill
    Baachan pausing often
    to wipe her brow and neck
    with her handkerchief
    as we climb higher
    beyond the temple
    up terraces
    of stone monuments
    we bow before the Mano grave
    Baachan standing in prayer
    long after I have opened my eyes
    to stare at family names

     
    at the temple
    closed and quiet
    we ascend stone steps
    and sit down
    on the weathered boards
    of the veranda
    under the deep eave
    facing the bay
    and faint gray hint
    of Mount Fuji
     
    suicide can spread
    Baachan finally says
    utsuru
she adds
    like a virus
    you have to stop it
    put up barriers
     
    I rock back and forth
    exhale
    ask
    do you think it was a mistake—
    the letter to Jake
    the email from Jake
    to Lisa?
     
    a hot wind gusts
    behind us
    from the south
    curling over the mountaintop
    brushing tree canopies
    and rolling down the slopes
    to breathe on us like dragon fire
    there
    on the veranda
     
    no
she says
    what I think was a mistake
    was sending a girl
    of fourteen away
    to a different state
    to live in a dormitory
    by herself
    during a summer like this
    meaning a summer
    after what you did
    with the rope
    in Osgoods’ orchard
     
    I say to Baachan
    but I was sent away, too
    to another country
    far from home
     
    and Baachan looks at me
    like I’m truly twisted
    says
    far from home?
    what are you saying?
    you came home, Kana-chan
,
    you came home to family
     

T hat afternoon
    I start work again
    in the groves
    thinning
    and solving problems
    with Koichi
    in the mountain air
    above the bay
    and some
mikan
    in the lowest groves
    are just turning color
    the stubborn green
    finally going yellow
     
    we take a day off
    during my last week
    all six of us
    and drive the van
    up the Shonan coast
    to Kamakura
    to visit the
    Big Buddha
    where I light incense
    and for once
    know what to say
    when I pray
    which is for you
    and Lisa both
    to find