Read Online One More Time by Caitlin Ricci - Free Book Online

my fault because I’d fallen in love with Simon and he’d fallen in love with me and if he hadn’t, then her big brother would still be around for her. She was wrong, but she was so right too.
    Caleb put his arms around me, and once again I realized I’d been crying. “I’m not good company right now,” I told him, as if that weren’t completely obvious by the way I was crying and shaking.
    He nodded and released me. I thought he was letting me go to deal with my problems in the only way I really knew how to: naked on top of someone else. But he took my hand and pulled me back to the couch. I sat after his gentle shove to my stomach. I could have stopped him, could have just moved out of the way and left like I should have. But restlessness warred with frustration within me and so much of me just wanted to stay. I liked Caleb. It wasn’t just that he was the only gay guy I knew of in Thornwood. It was that he smiled, and I felt like smiling too—even now when I didn’t really want to. He put one of his knees on the couch beside my hip, and I looked up at him. I didn’t know what his plan was, and part of me was scared.
    “What were you asking me for this afternoon?” His voice was quiet. He’d turned off the movie when I stood up, since the TV behind him was now completely black.
    I licked my lips and weighed my options. I didn’t want a relationship, couldn’t handle one even on my best days, and he’d said no to one. The easy way out of there would have been to tell him I wanted to be serious with him. I could scare him by saying I wanted to move in. After two days of knowing me, that would probably make anyone run for their lives. But I didn’t want to shut him down like the persistent guys on my app. I still wanted him to be around, and so I simply shook my head and left my hands on the couch, even though I wanted to touch him.
    “Sex,” I replied simply. I watched him, judging his reaction for myself. He pulled his leg off the couch, but he didn’t go far as he sat down next to me, facing me, with one leg pulled up under him. It wasn’t a rejection, not really, but it wasn’t the reaction I was expecting either. I’d figured him for the kind of guy who would have turned me down flat. He didn’t come across at all like one of the guys I toyed with. I chose needy, easily controlled men who let me fuck them and then leave them. If I misjudged them and they turned out to be a bit more clingy than I’d anticipated, it was usually easy to get rid of them.
    He was built for sex with a great body, but he didn’t move as if he was looking for his next dick and he didn’t talk like it either. He seemed like all he wanted was a friend, and I couldn’t be that for him right now. Maybe the next day. After all it wasn’t as if either of us was going away anytime soon, but tonight I couldn’t be a friend, not when all I wanted was to forget myself with someone else. And I wasn’t asshole enough to do that to someone I wanted to be friends with. So I tried to get up again, but he wrapped his fingers around my wrist.
    “I’m no good right now,” I told him as I covered his hand with my own. I’d pry his fingers off my wrist if I needed to. It wouldn’t even take much, just me putting my fingers around his thumb and manipulating his hand off of me. His hand would go wherever I moved his thumb. I knew that. But I didn’t do that, and I didn’t make myself stand up. I was a coward and a horrible person. That’s all I could think to explain why I sat there and let him straddle me. He bent down and kissed me. His mouth was soft and his kiss gentle, like he was scared of something. I kissed him back, but I was a lot rougher. And I put one of my hands behind his head, right on his neck, so he couldn’t pull away. I was hard, because I’d been so worked up and still was, but having him on my lap with his thickening cock pressing against my stomach through his jeans and the thick material of my uniform