Read Online On Her Own by Wanda E. Brunstetter - Free Book Online
Authors: Wanda E. Brunstetter
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you should be grateful for all the help.”
Barbara crossed her arms to dispel the sudden chill she felt. A tear seeped out from under her lashes. “I am grateful, but I feel so guilty.”
“Guilty for what?”
“Because I–I’m useless.”
Faith reached over and gripped Barbara’s hand. “How can you say that? The boppli needs you to care for him and be strong.”
“I know if I get plenty of rest and eat right, I’ll regain strength physically. But I’m weak emotionally, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be strong again.” A sob escaped Barbara’s lips, and she clamped her mouth shut to keep from breaking down in front of her friend.
Faith patted Barbara gently on the back. “Go ahead and get it out. Let the cleansing tears come.”
“Why do I feel guilty when I’m sad?” Barbara wailed.
“Maybe because you’re used to being in control of things, and this is something you can’t control.”
Barbara couldn’t deny that she liked to be in charge. Even when she was a girl, she’d tried to tell her sisters what to do. Not that any of them appreciated it or did all she asked, but it had given her a sense of being in control to make plans and try to get them to follow her suggestions. “I wasn’t feeling sad like thisbefore little Davey was born,” she said with a sniff.
“Until now, you didn’t have time to be depressed. Since you’ve been forced to slow down, your feelings are rising to the surface.”
“Jah, maybe so.”
“Did you see the verse that Noah attached to the cake?”
“I didn’t take the time to look at it.”
“The verse reminds us that there is a time for laughter and a time for tears.”
Faith’s comment unleashed the dam. Barbara wept for all she was worth. When her sobs finally tapered to sniffling hiccups, she reached for a tissue from the box on the coffee table and blew her nose. “Sorry for blubbering like that.”
“It’s all right. God knows your pain, and you have every right to cry.”
Barbara’s gaze darted to the Bible, also on the coffee table. “My faith isn’t so strong anymore. Not the way yours seems to be.”
Faith shook her head. “My faith wasn’t always strong. It used to be almost nonexistent. Remember how I was when I came home after living among the English, thinking I wanted to be famous and make lots of money as an entertainer?”
Barbara nodded. But her friend was a different person now, and God had blessed her in many ways. Noah was a wonderful, loving husband, and they had two beautiful, healthy children. Would Faith be as secure in her beliefs if she’d lost the man she loved? It was easy to talk about having faith in God when things were going well.
“I know it’s wrong for me to feel this way, but I’m jealous of you, Faith,” Barbara admitted.
“Why? What have you to be jealous of?”
“Your husband is alive, and everything’s going great in your life.”
Faith stared at the floor. “Noah and I have our share of troubles, too.”
Regret as strong as a Missouri king snake coiled around Barbara’s middle. She’d been wallowing in self-pity, and here was her friend going through problems she didn’t even know about. “What’s wrong, Faith? What kind of problems are you and Noah having?”
Faith smiled, but her soulful blue eyes revealed the depth of her pain. “The doctor gave us some disappointing news at my last appointment. We can’t have any more children.”
Barbara’s heart clenched. She knew how much her friend loved children and had hoped for another baby. “I’m awful sorry, Faith,” she murmured.
“I’ve come to terms with it. At least I have Melinda and Isaiah, and I love them both very much.”
“I know you do.”
“If it were God’s will for us to have more kinner, He would not have closed up my womb.”
Barbara couldn’t believe how matter-of-fact Faith was being. It reminded her of what Bishop John had said on the day of David’s funeral. “Our faith teaches that when our
Barbara crossed her arms to dispel the sudden chill she felt. A tear seeped out from under her lashes. “I am grateful, but I feel so guilty.”
“Guilty for what?”
“Because I–I’m useless.”
Faith reached over and gripped Barbara’s hand. “How can you say that? The boppli needs you to care for him and be strong.”
“I know if I get plenty of rest and eat right, I’ll regain strength physically. But I’m weak emotionally, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be strong again.” A sob escaped Barbara’s lips, and she clamped her mouth shut to keep from breaking down in front of her friend.
Faith patted Barbara gently on the back. “Go ahead and get it out. Let the cleansing tears come.”
“Why do I feel guilty when I’m sad?” Barbara wailed.
“Maybe because you’re used to being in control of things, and this is something you can’t control.”
Barbara couldn’t deny that she liked to be in charge. Even when she was a girl, she’d tried to tell her sisters what to do. Not that any of them appreciated it or did all she asked, but it had given her a sense of being in control to make plans and try to get them to follow her suggestions. “I wasn’t feeling sad like thisbefore little Davey was born,” she said with a sniff.
“Until now, you didn’t have time to be depressed. Since you’ve been forced to slow down, your feelings are rising to the surface.”
“Jah, maybe so.”
“Did you see the verse that Noah attached to the cake?”
“I didn’t take the time to look at it.”
“The verse reminds us that there is a time for laughter and a time for tears.”
Faith’s comment unleashed the dam. Barbara wept for all she was worth. When her sobs finally tapered to sniffling hiccups, she reached for a tissue from the box on the coffee table and blew her nose. “Sorry for blubbering like that.”
“It’s all right. God knows your pain, and you have every right to cry.”
Barbara’s gaze darted to the Bible, also on the coffee table. “My faith isn’t so strong anymore. Not the way yours seems to be.”
Faith shook her head. “My faith wasn’t always strong. It used to be almost nonexistent. Remember how I was when I came home after living among the English, thinking I wanted to be famous and make lots of money as an entertainer?”
Barbara nodded. But her friend was a different person now, and God had blessed her in many ways. Noah was a wonderful, loving husband, and they had two beautiful, healthy children. Would Faith be as secure in her beliefs if she’d lost the man she loved? It was easy to talk about having faith in God when things were going well.
“I know it’s wrong for me to feel this way, but I’m jealous of you, Faith,” Barbara admitted.
“Why? What have you to be jealous of?”
“Your husband is alive, and everything’s going great in your life.”
Faith stared at the floor. “Noah and I have our share of troubles, too.”
Regret as strong as a Missouri king snake coiled around Barbara’s middle. She’d been wallowing in self-pity, and here was her friend going through problems she didn’t even know about. “What’s wrong, Faith? What kind of problems are you and Noah having?”
Faith smiled, but her soulful blue eyes revealed the depth of her pain. “The doctor gave us some disappointing news at my last appointment. We can’t have any more children.”
Barbara’s heart clenched. She knew how much her friend loved children and had hoped for another baby. “I’m awful sorry, Faith,” she murmured.
“I’ve come to terms with it. At least I have Melinda and Isaiah, and I love them both very much.”
“I know you do.”
“If it were God’s will for us to have more kinner, He would not have closed up my womb.”
Barbara couldn’t believe how matter-of-fact Faith was being. It reminded her of what Bishop John had said on the day of David’s funeral. “Our faith teaches that when our
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