phone.
“A Toni Loam for you, Mr. James,” the doorman Axel Parman said.
“Send her up.”
At first Sovereign stood behind the closed door waiting for the knock or buzz, but after a few minutes he moved out into the hall. He tilted his head for the sound of footsteps on the hard carpet or maybe a sigh of confusion.
He was eager, even nervous. The feeling in the pit of his stomach was exactly the same as when he asked Shirley Bestman to go see
Star Wars Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi
with him.
“Mr. James?” she said from down the hall.
“Yes.”
“I walked around the other way lookin’ for nine-F but it went all the way up to Z and I didn’t see it.” Her voice got louder as she approached the door.
He was about to say,
If the letters were going up why didn’t you turn around?
But he thought better of the criticism. Then he wondered at this self-censorship. For years, he realized, he’d been rude and brusque with just about everyone, but now that he needed people he bit his tongue. Before Toni he resented the fact that he was expected to gag himself; now, though, he realized that he wanted to hold back.
“Hi,” she said.
When she laid a hand on his wrist he flinched and gasped.
“I’m sorry,” Toni Loam said then. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Uh,” he grunted, discomfited by his behavior, “no. I mean, I was just surprised to feel a hand on mine. Do you want to come in, Miss Loam?”
“Uh-huh.”
Sovereign took a step back and gestured for the unseen young woman toenter. He felt more than heard her go past and followed. When they entered into the large living room he said, “Why don’t you sit on the red chair, Miss Loam?”
He went to the white sofa and settled on the southern end.
“So, can you see now?” she asked.
“Not one whit.”
“ ’Cause you move around like you can, and you called the chair red and all.”
“I’ve lived in this apartment for eighteen years. I could have been blindfolded for most of that time and told you everything about the place.”
“And it felt like you was lookin’ right at me when I was walkin’ down the hall,” she said, still leery.
“No. I can’t see. I haven’t seen a thing in nine weeks, except for you when that man attacked me.”
“But the police said that you couldn’t identify the man.”
“I didn’t tell them because … because I’m seeing a psychiatrist who believes my blindness is mental and not physical, and if I admitted that to the police it might have gotten back to my employers and they would blame me for faking my condition and fire me. But I really am blind. I mean, I have been except for that twenty seconds or so there when that guy hit me.”
“People can go blind in they minds?” Toni asked.
“That’s what they tell me.”
“Damn. But if you didn’t tell the police why’d you tell me?”
The question caught Sovereign up short. He had gauged the girl by her limited language and articulation. If she had come to him looking for a job he would have sent her away without a second thought. But her question, whatever motivated it, got to the heart of why he’d called.
“You might have saved my life,” he said. “If you hadn’t screamed and kept on screaming that man would have probably hit me again. The police said it was a blunt instrument. He could have cracked my skull open.”
“So? That don’t have nuthin’ to do with me talkin’ an’ makin’ you lose your job or sumpin’. You already safe now.”
Sunlight was falling on his left hand. He felt the heat between his fingers.
“Ever since,” Sovereign James said, and then he stopped, remembering the vastness of that parking lot and the can of root beer that he moved from hand to hand to keep the cold from burning his fingers. “Ever since I’ve been blind I experience the world differently.”
“Different how?”
“It’s like I owe something, a bill that I forgot to pay. And it’s not just that.… It’s as
“A Toni Loam for you, Mr. James,” the doorman Axel Parman said.
“Send her up.”
At first Sovereign stood behind the closed door waiting for the knock or buzz, but after a few minutes he moved out into the hall. He tilted his head for the sound of footsteps on the hard carpet or maybe a sigh of confusion.
He was eager, even nervous. The feeling in the pit of his stomach was exactly the same as when he asked Shirley Bestman to go see
Star Wars Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi
with him.
“Mr. James?” she said from down the hall.
“Yes.”
“I walked around the other way lookin’ for nine-F but it went all the way up to Z and I didn’t see it.” Her voice got louder as she approached the door.
He was about to say,
If the letters were going up why didn’t you turn around?
But he thought better of the criticism. Then he wondered at this self-censorship. For years, he realized, he’d been rude and brusque with just about everyone, but now that he needed people he bit his tongue. Before Toni he resented the fact that he was expected to gag himself; now, though, he realized that he wanted to hold back.
“Hi,” she said.
When she laid a hand on his wrist he flinched and gasped.
“I’m sorry,” Toni Loam said then. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Uh,” he grunted, discomfited by his behavior, “no. I mean, I was just surprised to feel a hand on mine. Do you want to come in, Miss Loam?”
“Uh-huh.”
Sovereign took a step back and gestured for the unseen young woman toenter. He felt more than heard her go past and followed. When they entered into the large living room he said, “Why don’t you sit on the red chair, Miss Loam?”
He went to the white sofa and settled on the southern end.
“So, can you see now?” she asked.
“Not one whit.”
“ ’Cause you move around like you can, and you called the chair red and all.”
“I’ve lived in this apartment for eighteen years. I could have been blindfolded for most of that time and told you everything about the place.”
“And it felt like you was lookin’ right at me when I was walkin’ down the hall,” she said, still leery.
“No. I can’t see. I haven’t seen a thing in nine weeks, except for you when that man attacked me.”
“But the police said that you couldn’t identify the man.”
“I didn’t tell them because … because I’m seeing a psychiatrist who believes my blindness is mental and not physical, and if I admitted that to the police it might have gotten back to my employers and they would blame me for faking my condition and fire me. But I really am blind. I mean, I have been except for that twenty seconds or so there when that guy hit me.”
“People can go blind in they minds?” Toni asked.
“That’s what they tell me.”
“Damn. But if you didn’t tell the police why’d you tell me?”
The question caught Sovereign up short. He had gauged the girl by her limited language and articulation. If she had come to him looking for a job he would have sent her away without a second thought. But her question, whatever motivated it, got to the heart of why he’d called.
“You might have saved my life,” he said. “If you hadn’t screamed and kept on screaming that man would have probably hit me again. The police said it was a blunt instrument. He could have cracked my skull open.”
“So? That don’t have nuthin’ to do with me talkin’ an’ makin’ you lose your job or sumpin’. You already safe now.”
Sunlight was falling on his left hand. He felt the heat between his fingers.
“Ever since,” Sovereign James said, and then he stopped, remembering the vastness of that parking lot and the can of root beer that he moved from hand to hand to keep the cold from burning his fingers. “Ever since I’ve been blind I experience the world differently.”
“Different how?”
“It’s like I owe something, a bill that I forgot to pay. And it’s not just that.… It’s as
Similar Books
