planned to sell Cass?” Miss Aurelia asked. She frowned. “Has that happened before to your family?”
“Oh, yes. Cass, she all I got left. Our mama die. Our daddy, our brothers, they long gone. Sold south. Master, he keep Cass and me to breed. We grow new slaves for him, so he keep us and sell off the rest.”
To breed? The word exploded in my mind. We’d heard tales of families separated and sold apart, but breeding? That word was meant for livestock—not people. Did Mama and Papa know about this? I needed to understand. “Did Cass’s man get sold, too?”
Emma snorted. “Cass ain’t got no man. She ain’t allowed to have no man. Any man look at Cass, he get a taste of that cowskin.”
“But …”
“Ain’t you studied little Ruth? Mesha? They be mighty pale.”
The truth hit me with a whoosh, a heap of snow sliding off the roof. The master. Cass’s children were
his
children. And of course his white wife would have gotten rid of Cass while he traveled. Out of wretched jealousy, she’d have sold Cass and broken up the tiny remnant of family the two sisters had saved.
My breakfast felt heavy and sour in my stomach. I took Emma’s hand. “I’m sorry. I had no business asking.”
“You got no reason for sorry, Miss Lucy,” she said. “The good people must know what happen down south ifthey going to stop it.” She stabbed her needle in and out of the trousers she held.
She’s right. But the knowledge frightens me. Now I understand why that awful slaver chased after them in such a hurry. He’s lost ten slaves. One was his mistress, two others his own children.
Poor Cass. She’s my age, or close to it. I have two young men I like, and the time and freedom to choose one. She has no choices at all. Just a master. An owner. Try as I might, I can’t get these hard words out of my mind.
“You all right, Lucinda?” Miss Aurelia had asked. She’d put her hand on my forehead, testing for a fever.
“I’ll be fine,” I said.
I lied, of course.
I can’t imagine ever being fine again. The notion that people not only
own
other people but use and misuse them however they wish—it’s evil. I sit here and shiver. The skin on my back ripples, like a hundred spiders are crawling on it.
And then another thought comes. I saw this man, their master, in church. He winked at me, as if he thought me interesting and wanted to know me better. He, a married man who kept a mistress. And like a fool, I thought him handsome. I smiled back and blushed like a schoolgirl.
Shame and horror wash over me. How could I have been so wrong?
T HURSDAY , J ANUARY 23, 1851
The sun! Early this morning the clouds broke, and now the sun shines down on us! The world outside the window gleams white like a fairyland. And the wind blows warmer. The snow will melt soon.
I think if today had been gray yet again, something inside me would have cracked open. For yesterday’s revelations continue to shock and anger me.
I know about kissing, and I like it. But other aspects of the relations between men and women … well, for me that belongs to the future. Something to wonder about, but not too closely.
Perhaps I considered Emma and Cass much older because they have children. I assumed that the children they have borne began in love. For Emma, that seems to be the case. But for Cass, poor Cass … I still feel my skin crawl when I think of her being forced.
It is only the sun warming my shoulders that allows me to push these thoughts away and think instead of this family’s deliverance to Canada. It can’t come too soon.
F RIDAY , J ANUARY 24, 1851
Company at last after ten long days. The roads have cleared enough for riders to get through. My brothers came at midday and brought letters and such news as there is from a village wrapped in snow. Can Jeremiah be far behind? I surely hope not.
Tom unloaded baskets of bread, cold chicken, andcakes from Mama’s kitchen. Will handed me a packet of letters.
“Oh, Will,
“Oh, yes. Cass, she all I got left. Our mama die. Our daddy, our brothers, they long gone. Sold south. Master, he keep Cass and me to breed. We grow new slaves for him, so he keep us and sell off the rest.”
To breed? The word exploded in my mind. We’d heard tales of families separated and sold apart, but breeding? That word was meant for livestock—not people. Did Mama and Papa know about this? I needed to understand. “Did Cass’s man get sold, too?”
Emma snorted. “Cass ain’t got no man. She ain’t allowed to have no man. Any man look at Cass, he get a taste of that cowskin.”
“But …”
“Ain’t you studied little Ruth? Mesha? They be mighty pale.”
The truth hit me with a whoosh, a heap of snow sliding off the roof. The master. Cass’s children were
his
children. And of course his white wife would have gotten rid of Cass while he traveled. Out of wretched jealousy, she’d have sold Cass and broken up the tiny remnant of family the two sisters had saved.
My breakfast felt heavy and sour in my stomach. I took Emma’s hand. “I’m sorry. I had no business asking.”
“You got no reason for sorry, Miss Lucy,” she said. “The good people must know what happen down south ifthey going to stop it.” She stabbed her needle in and out of the trousers she held.
She’s right. But the knowledge frightens me. Now I understand why that awful slaver chased after them in such a hurry. He’s lost ten slaves. One was his mistress, two others his own children.
Poor Cass. She’s my age, or close to it. I have two young men I like, and the time and freedom to choose one. She has no choices at all. Just a master. An owner. Try as I might, I can’t get these hard words out of my mind.
“You all right, Lucinda?” Miss Aurelia had asked. She’d put her hand on my forehead, testing for a fever.
“I’ll be fine,” I said.
I lied, of course.
I can’t imagine ever being fine again. The notion that people not only
own
other people but use and misuse them however they wish—it’s evil. I sit here and shiver. The skin on my back ripples, like a hundred spiders are crawling on it.
And then another thought comes. I saw this man, their master, in church. He winked at me, as if he thought me interesting and wanted to know me better. He, a married man who kept a mistress. And like a fool, I thought him handsome. I smiled back and blushed like a schoolgirl.
Shame and horror wash over me. How could I have been so wrong?
T HURSDAY , J ANUARY 23, 1851
The sun! Early this morning the clouds broke, and now the sun shines down on us! The world outside the window gleams white like a fairyland. And the wind blows warmer. The snow will melt soon.
I think if today had been gray yet again, something inside me would have cracked open. For yesterday’s revelations continue to shock and anger me.
I know about kissing, and I like it. But other aspects of the relations between men and women … well, for me that belongs to the future. Something to wonder about, but not too closely.
Perhaps I considered Emma and Cass much older because they have children. I assumed that the children they have borne began in love. For Emma, that seems to be the case. But for Cass, poor Cass … I still feel my skin crawl when I think of her being forced.
It is only the sun warming my shoulders that allows me to push these thoughts away and think instead of this family’s deliverance to Canada. It can’t come too soon.
F RIDAY , J ANUARY 24, 1851
Company at last after ten long days. The roads have cleared enough for riders to get through. My brothers came at midday and brought letters and such news as there is from a village wrapped in snow. Can Jeremiah be far behind? I surely hope not.
Tom unloaded baskets of bread, cold chicken, andcakes from Mama’s kitchen. Will handed me a packet of letters.
“Oh, Will,
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