cliche and it is a cliche but he was the love of my life. As usual with me and men, things took a turn for the worse but it is true to say that Matt is still in my heart and will be until the day I die. I can’t see any other man changing that now. I wasn’t to know when I met him on a fine summer’s day in the Kent countryside in 1995 that he would become such a massive part of my life, and that the end of our love affair would lead me to plot four murders. And I couldn’t know then that he himself would meet a violent end and throw my world into turmoil. But by now violence was becoming an occupational hazard with me. The world I was in was the only one thatoffered me a way to support John and, as far as I was concerned, that was the end of it.
One day, on the way back from France, I popped in to my mate’s house in Kent for a cup of tea and a chat, just to break the journey up and – wow! – there was Matt standing in the front room. He was big, strong looking and handsome, and he had an air about him. Confidence, I suppose you would call it. He was sure of himself, all right. You know, looking back now, I think it was love at first sight but, given everything I had been through with men, I wasn’t about to admit that to myself straight away. I mean, I’d only popped in for a cup of tea and my knees had gone weak and my heart was going pitter-pat. I had to fight it. I pretended not to like Matt in the beginning. As it was, I mistook that self-confidence for arrogance at first. And I’d been let down by men who thought that, just because I was a bird, they had something over on me. By now I knew different and was behaving accordingly at every opportunity. No bloke was going to dominate me just because he was male. He had to have something to back it up. I was no pushover. I wanted the love and care that so many other women had and, above all, I needed real loyalty because it was betrayal that had ruined all my past relationships.
Matt was a giant, yet as calm as you like. He was waiting for some Billy, which hadn’t arrived and, when I got there, he was having a bit of a moan. He was saying to my pal, ‘You’re bloody useless, mate. Where’s my gear? I got people to see and places to go. I can’t besitting around here all day chewing the fat with you. Know what I mean, son?’
It was as if I wasn’t even in the room. I thought to myself, he fancies himself a bit. I wouldn’t let him talk to me like that. But at the same time, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I was just about to pipe up in my mate’s defence and it was as if my mate could read my mind – he gave me a look. It was a kind of gesture which said, ‘Leave it, Jane. Don’t mess with this geezer.’ Well, I was dealing in a bit of Billy in those days and, since I could see the problem, I thought I could help him out and I knew my mate knew that. So I bit my tongue until he gave me the nod.
‘Jane here might be able to help you out, Matt,’ my mate said. Can you do my very good friend Matt here a quarter-kilo of speed, Jane?’
Well, that cheered me up straight away and I agreed, especially as I’d only popped in for a cup of tea. That was a £1,250 deal and a nice little earner. I told him I was putting £500 on top as my earner but Matt insisted on giving me £750 – well over the odds – for helping him out of a spot. I liked his style. Even so, I told Matt I thought he was a bit full of himself. ‘But now that I’ve earned this money off you, I must say, you’re not that bad, are you?’ I joked.
‘If I’m not that bad, can I take you out then?’ he came back as quick as you like and I agreed immediately. I couldn’t see the point in pretending. I had never met a man I had felt so instantly attracted to. He was directand I liked that in a man. He took after my own heart. We exchanged phone numbers and Matt said he would call me in a couple of days. I was excited by him. I could tell he was dangerous and cocksure. And, of
One day, on the way back from France, I popped in to my mate’s house in Kent for a cup of tea and a chat, just to break the journey up and – wow! – there was Matt standing in the front room. He was big, strong looking and handsome, and he had an air about him. Confidence, I suppose you would call it. He was sure of himself, all right. You know, looking back now, I think it was love at first sight but, given everything I had been through with men, I wasn’t about to admit that to myself straight away. I mean, I’d only popped in for a cup of tea and my knees had gone weak and my heart was going pitter-pat. I had to fight it. I pretended not to like Matt in the beginning. As it was, I mistook that self-confidence for arrogance at first. And I’d been let down by men who thought that, just because I was a bird, they had something over on me. By now I knew different and was behaving accordingly at every opportunity. No bloke was going to dominate me just because he was male. He had to have something to back it up. I was no pushover. I wanted the love and care that so many other women had and, above all, I needed real loyalty because it was betrayal that had ruined all my past relationships.
Matt was a giant, yet as calm as you like. He was waiting for some Billy, which hadn’t arrived and, when I got there, he was having a bit of a moan. He was saying to my pal, ‘You’re bloody useless, mate. Where’s my gear? I got people to see and places to go. I can’t besitting around here all day chewing the fat with you. Know what I mean, son?’
It was as if I wasn’t even in the room. I thought to myself, he fancies himself a bit. I wouldn’t let him talk to me like that. But at the same time, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. I was just about to pipe up in my mate’s defence and it was as if my mate could read my mind – he gave me a look. It was a kind of gesture which said, ‘Leave it, Jane. Don’t mess with this geezer.’ Well, I was dealing in a bit of Billy in those days and, since I could see the problem, I thought I could help him out and I knew my mate knew that. So I bit my tongue until he gave me the nod.
‘Jane here might be able to help you out, Matt,’ my mate said. Can you do my very good friend Matt here a quarter-kilo of speed, Jane?’
Well, that cheered me up straight away and I agreed, especially as I’d only popped in for a cup of tea. That was a £1,250 deal and a nice little earner. I told him I was putting £500 on top as my earner but Matt insisted on giving me £750 – well over the odds – for helping him out of a spot. I liked his style. Even so, I told Matt I thought he was a bit full of himself. ‘But now that I’ve earned this money off you, I must say, you’re not that bad, are you?’ I joked.
‘If I’m not that bad, can I take you out then?’ he came back as quick as you like and I agreed immediately. I couldn’t see the point in pretending. I had never met a man I had felt so instantly attracted to. He was directand I liked that in a man. He took after my own heart. We exchanged phone numbers and Matt said he would call me in a couple of days. I was excited by him. I could tell he was dangerous and cocksure. And, of
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