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quickly reassured her with his eyes.  “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.  There is no change with Angel.  I just wanted to let you know that….Shirley is here.”

Chapter 17
    Vicky didn’t have much time to get herself together before her aunt, Shirley Martin walked into the waiting room.  Jason and Sandra immediately understood that the two needed some time alone.  
    Jason gave Vicky one heartfelt look.  It was an unspoken word between the two that let her know that if she needed him he would be right there.  After a moment both he and Sandy went back to sit with Angel.
    It had been 10 long years since Vicky had seen her aunt. It was almost like looking at an older version of her mother.  Vicky hadn’t been prepared for that.  They both just stood there drinking in the sight of each other.  Those large doe shaped eyes seemed to be a mirror unto her soul….and Angel’s.  Shirley’s hair was grey but at one time seemed to have been a beautiful chestnut brown.  She was much heavier than Vicky remembered.   She also looked a lot older than she should.  Both of them seemed afraid to move or speak.    Finally, it was Vicky that walked toward her aunt before laying her h ead onto her shoulder.  It was like a little girl who was lost and hoping and praying that her aunt Shirley would wrap her arms around her and just love her.
    Vicky hadn’t realize until that moment what she needed.  She needed her family and Aunt Shirley was the only family she had left. Aunt Shirley wrapped her arms around Vicky and held her tightly.  It was Shirley who started crying first. “I am so sorry Vicky.  Please forgive me.  I never meant to hurt you.  I was so lost back then.  I was so lost.  Your mother was all I thought I had.  When we lost her, I felt like I’d died too.  I was so consumed with my own hurt and pain.” It was as if she had been holding everything in for so long and was afraid her opportunity to speak would be taken away.  The words just continue to spill out “I turned to everything I thought would dull the ache, men, drugs, and alcohol.  Every time I looked at you I saw your mother.  It hurt too much.  Then, as you got older, I saw how the men I’d bring home would look at you.  You weren’t safe with me back then.  I was slowly killing myself with all of that.  I didn’t know what would happen to you if I fell into one of my black outs.  I couldn’t even take care of myself back then. There was no one that I knew who could take care of you.  I thought the only thing I could do was to take you someplace where you’d be safe.  Safe from me, safe from drugs, and safe from the all the destruction I had all around me.  Once I got myself together, I tried to find you.  I promise I did all I could to find you but I couldn’t. No one had any information about you.  Please forgive me Vicky.  Please forgive me for not being strong enough.”
    Through her tears Vicky managed to speak, “For so long I was so angry, for so long I felt so alone, but I’m tired Aunt Shirley.  I’m tired of being angry and feeling like a little piece of me is missing on the inside.  I’m tired of feeling like I’m not good enough, that I’m unlovable, and most of all of tired of not being able to trust anyone.” Vicky wiped away her tears and looked into her aunt’s eyes.  She saw the sincerity in them before finally whispering simply, “I can’t pass this baggage down to Angel or to the child that lives deep within me.  I forgive you.” 
    Aunt Shirley pulled back to looked at Vicky’s stomach somewhat surprised and smiled before they continued to hold each other.   They continued to cry and released all the tears they’d both held on to for so long. 
    A fter a few moments, Aunt Shirley gently held Vicky’s face in her hands.  She looked deeply into a face that was really a younger version of her own “I wasn’t able to take care of you all those years ago but I’ll do whatever