he understood and I wasnât alone. We shared seconds of silence as he held my hands and waited for his wife.
Finally, Emily came back. âI donât know why I hadnât thought of this,â she said. âThat was the school board. They need me to come and speak to the children.â
I donât know why I hadnât thought of it either. Dr. Emily Harrington-Taylor was one of the best child psychologists and life coaches in the country. Even though she had a private practice, she was usually one of the first called in for any kind of tragedy or trauma that involved children.
Jamal asked, âWhere are they meeting?â
âTheyâve gathered the parents and children at First Baptist of Inglewood.â
âFor classes?â
âNo, for a session to discuss what happened, to let the parents know next steps, and to bring the children together to grieve. Itâsactually a good idea, but honeyââEmily eased back down to the couch and turned to meââI hate to leave you.â
âOh, no. Go, Em. You have to go. Youâre the best and you have to help those children.â
âWhat about you?â
âIâll stay,â Jamal said. âIâll help Miriam start the arrangements and take care of the boys when they wake up.â
I watched Emilyâs shoulders slack with relief, as if she didnât feel like she was abandoning me altogether. âThank you, sweetheart.â Then, to me, she added, âIâll get back here as soon as I can.â
I shook my head. âDonât worry about me. Iâll be surrounded in a few hours. My mother-in-law, my brother-in-law, and your husband.â I tried to smile again. âSeems to me, Iâm in good hands.â
Emily stood and grabbed her purse. âThat you are.â She kissed her husband, a soulful kiss that made me turn away. I couldnât watch that kind of kiss that I would never have again. âBye, babe. Iâll call you.â Then she hugged me.
The three of us walked to the front door together and then Jamal and I stood side by side as Emily stepped outside. âWait!â Facing us, she said, âWhat about the car? We came in mine, remember?â
âSomeone will drive me home.â He added, âDonât worry, you go talk to the kids.â
She smiled. âI will. And you take care of Miriam.â
6
Emily
S lipping into the car, I glanced back at Miriam and Jamal standing at the door, and for a moment, that picture of them startled me. They stood the way Miriam and Chauncey always did whenever Jamal and I were leaving their home, side by side and waving as we drove away.
I didnât think it was possible, but my heart ached even more now. I would never see Miriam and Chauncey like that again, and my eyes filled up. I waited until I rounded the curve of the street and was out of their sight before I eased my car to a stop.
Except for the moment when Iâd heard that Chauncey had died, Iâd fought to keep my tears inside. But now I leaned my head against the steering wheel and let them flow. I wasnât crying just for Chauncey and the others whoâd died. My tears were also for the ones left behind. Especially Miriam, who had loved Chauncey just about her whole life. It was impossible to imagine what Miriam would be like without him. Would she ever laugh again, have fun again, or even love again?
And what about their children? After eight years of marriage, Jamal and I were still childless. That had never been a big deal forus. Testing showed we were fine, so Jamal and I believed if we were supposed to have children, we would. But in the meantime, Junior, Mikey, and Stevie filled our lives with joy, and thinking of them without their father made me sob harder.
There was so much pain. That was the problem with grief. It left physical and mental devastation in its path.
This was going to be the most difficult time of
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