sadness. I wouldn’t be surprised if my mother walked in right now and threw some anti-depressants at me. I also wouldn’t be surprised if Wesley showed up right now and beat the shit out of me. It would put me out of my misery. But she won’t. She’s probably over at our house soothing Court, which is where she needs to be. He needs comfort way more than I do. I don’t deserve comfort.
“Then call him on my phone and ask him to come get you,” I snap and then I close my eyes. I shouldn’t have snapped at him like that. He’s a child and he doesn’t understand what his Mommy did. I’m the bad guy here and Asher shouldn’t have to put up with me.
“Rachel, honey. I’ll give Courtney a call and see if I can take Asher over there.” She frowns at me from the doorway of my old bedroom. Or I should say my old new bedroom. I didn’t even notice she was standing there. “You need to rest right now. You’ve been through a lot in the last couple of weeks.”
“I haven’t been through anything. Court has. I did this to myself and he didn’t deserve it.” I stand up from the floor and walk into my bathroom. I shut the door softly and sink to the cold tile floor. Then I start sobbing because that’s all I can do. I can’t fix this and it’s killing me. I feel constantly sick and I know it’ll never go away.
It feels like hours later when “What Hurts The Most” by Rascal Flatts starts playing in my bedroom. I had curled into the fetal position on the floor and the song makes me lift my head up. This is such a sad song.
I finally climb off the floor and go back into my bedroom. Asher and my mother are no longer in the room and I feel guilty because I didn’t say goodbye to my baby. I hate that I’ve caused this confusion in him. Honestly, I just hate myself for all kinds of things right now.
When I find Paisley Vaughn sitting on my bed I about faint. She is the last person I would expect to find in my house, let alone in my bedroom. “You have a lot of nerve showing up here.”
She sighs and stands up. “You know me, Rachel. When have I ever not had the nerve to do anything?” She arches an eyebrow and crosses her arms over her chest. I see the tension in her shoulders and the slight shakiness of her hands. She’s not as calm and collected as she seems to be.
“You didn’t have the nerve to actually walk down the aisle and marry the love of your life,” I tell her and it’s true. No one saw that coming. I still remember the destruction of the church. Channing completely lost it. He had to be sedated for crying out loud. We never thought he would recover. I think he stayed stoned for three months just so he could be alive.
I shake my head because I don’t want to relive those times.
Paisley looks at me with all that sadness and regret you should feel when you fuck over everyone you love. And that’s what she did. She alienated herself from all her friends and Channing, who will love her for the rest of his life, regardless if he’s with her or not. He’s lived with me since Paisley left and he’s yet to even have sex with anyone else, let alone kiss them. He’ll probably one day find a girl to scratch his itches but it’ll be years down the road.
“You can give me sad eyes all you want but I won’t ever be on your side.” I move around the room and turn the music off. She put it on my heartbreaking playlist. I really don’t need that in my life right now.
“I don’t need you to be on my side. That’s not why I’m here.” I give her a sneer, knowing exactly why she’s here. I have no idea who could have told her but I’ll probably end up killing them brutally.
“How did you find out?” I sit down at my computer chair and rock back and forth out of boredom. This conversation isn’t going to happen no matter how good of friends we used to be.
“Annabella.” My eyes go wide at that statement and I find myself speechless.
“She didn’t really give me any details about
“Then call him on my phone and ask him to come get you,” I snap and then I close my eyes. I shouldn’t have snapped at him like that. He’s a child and he doesn’t understand what his Mommy did. I’m the bad guy here and Asher shouldn’t have to put up with me.
“Rachel, honey. I’ll give Courtney a call and see if I can take Asher over there.” She frowns at me from the doorway of my old bedroom. Or I should say my old new bedroom. I didn’t even notice she was standing there. “You need to rest right now. You’ve been through a lot in the last couple of weeks.”
“I haven’t been through anything. Court has. I did this to myself and he didn’t deserve it.” I stand up from the floor and walk into my bathroom. I shut the door softly and sink to the cold tile floor. Then I start sobbing because that’s all I can do. I can’t fix this and it’s killing me. I feel constantly sick and I know it’ll never go away.
It feels like hours later when “What Hurts The Most” by Rascal Flatts starts playing in my bedroom. I had curled into the fetal position on the floor and the song makes me lift my head up. This is such a sad song.
I finally climb off the floor and go back into my bedroom. Asher and my mother are no longer in the room and I feel guilty because I didn’t say goodbye to my baby. I hate that I’ve caused this confusion in him. Honestly, I just hate myself for all kinds of things right now.
When I find Paisley Vaughn sitting on my bed I about faint. She is the last person I would expect to find in my house, let alone in my bedroom. “You have a lot of nerve showing up here.”
She sighs and stands up. “You know me, Rachel. When have I ever not had the nerve to do anything?” She arches an eyebrow and crosses her arms over her chest. I see the tension in her shoulders and the slight shakiness of her hands. She’s not as calm and collected as she seems to be.
“You didn’t have the nerve to actually walk down the aisle and marry the love of your life,” I tell her and it’s true. No one saw that coming. I still remember the destruction of the church. Channing completely lost it. He had to be sedated for crying out loud. We never thought he would recover. I think he stayed stoned for three months just so he could be alive.
I shake my head because I don’t want to relive those times.
Paisley looks at me with all that sadness and regret you should feel when you fuck over everyone you love. And that’s what she did. She alienated herself from all her friends and Channing, who will love her for the rest of his life, regardless if he’s with her or not. He’s lived with me since Paisley left and he’s yet to even have sex with anyone else, let alone kiss them. He’ll probably one day find a girl to scratch his itches but it’ll be years down the road.
“You can give me sad eyes all you want but I won’t ever be on your side.” I move around the room and turn the music off. She put it on my heartbreaking playlist. I really don’t need that in my life right now.
“I don’t need you to be on my side. That’s not why I’m here.” I give her a sneer, knowing exactly why she’s here. I have no idea who could have told her but I’ll probably end up killing them brutally.
“How did you find out?” I sit down at my computer chair and rock back and forth out of boredom. This conversation isn’t going to happen no matter how good of friends we used to be.
“Annabella.” My eyes go wide at that statement and I find myself speechless.
“She didn’t really give me any details about
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