Read Online Nanny Piggins and the Rival Ringmaster by R. A. Spratt - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: R. A. Spratt
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speech, give your sister’s speech,’ hissed Special Agent Egner from the auditorium.
‘Oh yes, the speech,’ said Nanny Piggins, taking the crumpled piece of paper from her pocket. She wiped the chocolate smears from the page and startedreading. ‘Ladies and gentlemen of the Academy, it is a great honour … blah blah blah … let me just skip to a good bit here … Nope, there are no good bits. I’ll just wing it.’
Nanny Piggins crumpled up the speech and put it back in her pocket.
‘I’d like to begin,’ said Nanny Piggins, ‘by denouncing Alfred Nobel. We all know he only set up the Nobel Prize because he felt guilty about inventing dynamite. But what I want to know is why are there only prizes for physics, chemistry, medicine, literature and peace? He would have been much better off giving out prizes for achievement in cake-baking, fairy-floss turning and chocolate-treat manufacture. You know, rewarding people who actually do good in the world. In fact, in my opinion, Alfred can take this prize and –’
But the audience never got to find out what Nanny Piggins thought they could do with the award because at that moment the back doors of the theatre crashed open and another impossibly glamorous pig with long blonde curly hair and square-framed purple glasses burst into the auditorium.
‘Don’t listen to that pig,’ declared the newcomer. ‘For I am the real Professor Deidre Piggins. Sheis nothing more than my sister Sarah Piggins, the world’s most glamorous flying pig.’
Everyone gasped.
‘Here, take your Nobel Prize, I don’t want it anyway’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘I don’t have anything a gold medal would go with. Except perhaps my Olympic medal. But I don’t wear that often either.’
‘How dare you hijack my award with your own personal political dessert-related views,’ accused Professor Deidre Piggins, as she walked down the central aisle towards the stage.
‘What are you doing here anyway?’ asked Nanny Piggins. ‘I thought the risk of you being kidnapped was too great.’
‘Hah!’ said Professor Deidre Piggins. ‘Who would have the audacity to kidnap me here at the Nobel Prize ceremony?’
Unfortunately, at that very moment Professor Deidre Piggins found out. For there was a loud BOOM! overhead. Then the SMASH! of a piece of falling roof. And before Professor Piggins even had time to brush the plaster out of her (uncombed) hair, Wendy Piggins had abseiled down, grabbed Deidre and pressed a button on her utility belt, causing them both to be whipped back up into the sky, where they were carried off by a waiting helicopter.
The whole audience sat in completely silent, open-mouthed awe. They could not believe that they had seen two identical pigs. But to see three identical pigs in one room – one of whom was a Nobel Prize winner, another who was a brilliant international espionage agent and a third who was an imposter, formerly known as the world’s greatest flying pig – it was too much for their enormous brains to comprehend.
Nanny Piggins was the first to collect herself. ‘Where was I before I was rudely interrupted?’ she asked. ‘Oh yes, I was listing the reasons why the Nobel prizes are stupid …’
Nanny Piggins spoke for two hours on the topic and it turned out to be an enthralling speech. Later at the post-awards cocktail party the chairman of the prize committee was most apologetic when he discovered who Nanny Piggins really was. It turns out the Nobel Committee had been trying to award the Nobel Prize for Physics to Nanny Piggins for the last ten years, but due to the Ringmaster’s tax avoiding ways, they could never find her postal address.
Fortunately there was an engraver on hand, so Nanny Piggins’ name was added to her sister’s award. The chairman also promised to introduce a prize for baked goods as soon as possible, perhaps by droppingthe prize for chemistry. Because really, baking was chemistry without all those boring equations.
And
‘Oh yes, the speech,’ said Nanny Piggins, taking the crumpled piece of paper from her pocket. She wiped the chocolate smears from the page and startedreading. ‘Ladies and gentlemen of the Academy, it is a great honour … blah blah blah … let me just skip to a good bit here … Nope, there are no good bits. I’ll just wing it.’
Nanny Piggins crumpled up the speech and put it back in her pocket.
‘I’d like to begin,’ said Nanny Piggins, ‘by denouncing Alfred Nobel. We all know he only set up the Nobel Prize because he felt guilty about inventing dynamite. But what I want to know is why are there only prizes for physics, chemistry, medicine, literature and peace? He would have been much better off giving out prizes for achievement in cake-baking, fairy-floss turning and chocolate-treat manufacture. You know, rewarding people who actually do good in the world. In fact, in my opinion, Alfred can take this prize and –’
But the audience never got to find out what Nanny Piggins thought they could do with the award because at that moment the back doors of the theatre crashed open and another impossibly glamorous pig with long blonde curly hair and square-framed purple glasses burst into the auditorium.
‘Don’t listen to that pig,’ declared the newcomer. ‘For I am the real Professor Deidre Piggins. Sheis nothing more than my sister Sarah Piggins, the world’s most glamorous flying pig.’
Everyone gasped.
‘Here, take your Nobel Prize, I don’t want it anyway’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘I don’t have anything a gold medal would go with. Except perhaps my Olympic medal. But I don’t wear that often either.’
‘How dare you hijack my award with your own personal political dessert-related views,’ accused Professor Deidre Piggins, as she walked down the central aisle towards the stage.
‘What are you doing here anyway?’ asked Nanny Piggins. ‘I thought the risk of you being kidnapped was too great.’
‘Hah!’ said Professor Deidre Piggins. ‘Who would have the audacity to kidnap me here at the Nobel Prize ceremony?’
Unfortunately, at that very moment Professor Deidre Piggins found out. For there was a loud BOOM! overhead. Then the SMASH! of a piece of falling roof. And before Professor Piggins even had time to brush the plaster out of her (uncombed) hair, Wendy Piggins had abseiled down, grabbed Deidre and pressed a button on her utility belt, causing them both to be whipped back up into the sky, where they were carried off by a waiting helicopter.
The whole audience sat in completely silent, open-mouthed awe. They could not believe that they had seen two identical pigs. But to see three identical pigs in one room – one of whom was a Nobel Prize winner, another who was a brilliant international espionage agent and a third who was an imposter, formerly known as the world’s greatest flying pig – it was too much for their enormous brains to comprehend.
Nanny Piggins was the first to collect herself. ‘Where was I before I was rudely interrupted?’ she asked. ‘Oh yes, I was listing the reasons why the Nobel prizes are stupid …’
Nanny Piggins spoke for two hours on the topic and it turned out to be an enthralling speech. Later at the post-awards cocktail party the chairman of the prize committee was most apologetic when he discovered who Nanny Piggins really was. It turns out the Nobel Committee had been trying to award the Nobel Prize for Physics to Nanny Piggins for the last ten years, but due to the Ringmaster’s tax avoiding ways, they could never find her postal address.
Fortunately there was an engraver on hand, so Nanny Piggins’ name was added to her sister’s award. The chairman also promised to introduce a prize for baked goods as soon as possible, perhaps by droppingthe prize for chemistry. Because really, baking was chemistry without all those boring equations.
And
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