Read Online Nanny Piggins and the Rival Ringmaster by R. A. Spratt - Free Book Online Page A

rolled up newspaper and sending him to sit on the naughty step to think about what he had done (a trick she had picked up from Nanny Anne; the only useful thing Nanny Anne had ever taught her. And rest assured, Nanny Piggins would only ever do something so degrading to an international espionage operative who had been really, really naughty).
    She then thwarted the second kidnap attempt even more ingeniously by offering the kidnapper a slice of chocolate cake. The kidnapper was so unused to such kindness he immediately burst into tears, said ‘thank you’ and ran off to eat his cake quietly in his hotel room while planning a new career path.
    When they arrived at the awards ceremony Nanny Piggins, Boris and the children did not know what to expect. They knew the Nobel prizes were important, but they did not realise there would be quite so many pompous overdressed Swedish people everywhere.
    ‘I didn’t realise it was such a formal event,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘I haven’t brought a thing to wear.’
    ‘Don’t worry,’ said Special Agent Egner. ‘We have flown in a leading Paris fashion designer to dress you.’
    ‘Hah!’ scoffed Nanny Piggins. ‘I’m not letting any of those amateurs anywhere near me. I saw their spring range. And if sweater vests are back then I’m a monkey’s uncle.’
    ‘Well, you are a monkey’s aunt,’ pointed out Boris. ‘Remember your little niece Bobo.’
    ‘Regardless,’ said Nanny Piggins, ‘I shall dress myself. Give me a moment.’ Nanny Piggins disappeared into the kitchen.
    ‘Do you think she’s gone to get herself a snack?’ asked Derrick.
    ‘If she has, I’m sure she’ll bring back plenty to share,’ said Boris.
    Nanny Piggins emerged a few moments later but not carrying food. She was dressed immaculately ina black tail coat and white tie. Nanny Piggins rarely wore men’s clothes, because she always suspected they had not been washed properly, but when she did she looked spectacular.
    ‘Where did you get the suit?’ asked Samantha.
    ‘One of the waiters,’ explained Nanny Piggins. ‘He swapped it for a slice of chocolate cake I had in my handbag.’
    ‘It’s lucky you brought that chocolate cake,’ said Michael.
    ‘Luck has nothing to do with it,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘A lady should always carry a chocolate cake. It is much more useful than a handkerchief or lipstick … or any of the other ridiculous things women usually carry around.’
    ‘You can’t accept the Nobel Prize wearing men’s clothes,’ protested Special Agent Worton.
    ‘Why not?’ asked Nanny Piggins. ‘At least I’ve combed my hair, which is more than you can say for most scientists. Why is it that studying for a PhD makes a person forget how to use a hairbrush?’
    The special agents decided not to argue the point and simply ushered Nanny Piggins into the theatre, and to her seat in the front row.
    The ceremony was incredibly boring. Partly because it was in Swedish, partly because all thespeeches were done by old people who talked slowly, but mainly because the talk was all about science and how important it was.
    So the only interesting thing about the night was when Nanny Piggins periodically leapt to her feet yelling, ‘What a pack of lies!’ or ‘Baloney,’ or ‘No, I take that back, it discredits the deliciousness of baloney to associate it with your pack of lies.’
    Eventually the ceremony dragged on to the important part as far as the Pigginses were concerned – the Nobel Prize for Physics.
    The awards presenter spent so long sonorously blathering about Deidre’s achievements that Nanny Piggins fell asleep twice before Deidre’s name was finally announced. Then she leapt up on to the stage, dipped her head to accept the prize (a large gold medal) and took the microphone.
    ‘Why don’t one of you brilliant scientists invent a boredom-detecting microphone?’ asked Nanny Piggins. ‘Then it could cut off fools like you before you even got started.’
    ‘The