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for the winner of the chess championship is a thousand dollars and –’ Michael had to stretch up on his tippy-toes to read the next bit – ‘a year’s supply of cheesecake.’
    Nanny Piggins leapt to her feet (violating the time-out she had been given). ‘A year’s supply of cheesecake!’ exclaimed Nanny Piggins. ‘Why, cheesecake is one of the seven most delicious types of cake in the entire world. Rising to the top five when it is chocolate cheesecake.’
    â€˜Really?’ asked Samantha. She was tempted to ask what the other six were but decided not to, in case it led to a seven-hour lecture on the subject.
    â€˜And do you know what the best thing about cheesecake is?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
    â€˜Um . . .’ said Derrick. The children were afraid to answer. Nanny Piggins could get quite upset when she discovered the true level of their cake-related ignorance.
    â€˜It contains no cheese whatsoever,’ said Nanny Piggins.
    â€˜I thought it contained cream cheese,’ said Samantha.
    â€˜Yes, but that doesn’t count because it is much more creamy than cheesy,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘I remember the first time I tried cheesecake. I was so delighted to discover it contained no lumps of cheddar at all. Come on, let’s go!’
    â€˜You can’t go,’ said Samantha. ‘You’ve been given a time-out. You’ve got seven more minutes to sit on the bench.’
    â€˜Piffle to that!’ said Nanny Piggins.
    â€˜But what about the cappuccino chocolate?’ asked Michael.
    â€˜I’ll come back and buy it later,’ said Nanny Piggins.
    â€˜But you’ll be banned,’ protested Samantha.
    â€˜I’ll disguise myself as a bullfighter,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘They’ll never know it’s me. The new batch of fake moustaches I ordered arrived in the post yesterday. Now come on. We’ve got better things to do. I’ve got to go home and learn how to play chess.’

    â€˜Chess is sooooo boring,’ complained Nanny Piggins.
    She had been sitting in front of Mr Green’s chess board, reading a book about how to play chess for all of four minutes.
    â€˜It’s based on the principles of warfare,’ said Michael, ‘and you like warfare.’
    â€˜Yes, but the fun thing about warfare is all the leaping about and yelling,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘But as far as I can see from reading this book there is no leaping about and yelling in chess at all.’
    â€˜You could always give up,’ said Derrick.
    â€˜Don’t be ridiculous,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Not when there is a year’s supply of cheesecake on the line.’
    â€˜But maybe chess just isn’t the thing for you,’ said Samantha. ‘You can’t be good at everything.’
    â€˜Why not?’ asked Nanny Piggins. ‘I always am good at everything. Name one thing I’m not brilliant at!’
    â€˜Waiting patiently,’ said Samantha.
    â€˜Sitting still,’ added Michael.
    â€˜Listening quietly,’ chipped in Derrick.
    â€˜Thinking logically,’ continued Samantha.
    â€˜Arguing reasonably,’ added Michael.
    â€˜Eating vegetables,’ said Derrick.
    â€˜All right, all right!’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘So there are a few things that I am slightly less good at. But they are all silly things that don’t matter. I’m sure I’ll be good at chess if I just wing it.’
    â€˜I don’t know, Nanny Piggins,’ said Derrick. ‘There is a lot of strategy and tactics to chess. Maybe you should read a book or two.’
    Nanny Piggins slumped across the table. ‘But I don’t want to. They are such long, thick, dull books, with no pirates or penniless farm girls falling in love with dukes dressed as highwaymen. Plus The Young and the Irritable is on in six minutes and I’d much rather watch that.’
    â€˜I