Read Online My Life in Darkness by Harrison Drake - Free Book Online
Authors: Harrison Drake
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different our lives would be? Born in the days of record players, rotary dial telephones and televisions deeper than they were wide.
How things have changed, and I often feel like I’ve been left behind, that I haven’t changed along with them. I still long for the old days, after the record players but back when personal computers were still new, back when I was in control of my life, my business, in control of a portion of the world of internet gaming. Now, I can’t even understand what’s going on.
Have I been left behind or have I just given up on learning? I feel like everything I know I learned a long time ago, there haven’t been any of the revelations or epiphanies that everyone says come at the end of your life. I’m still hoping for that epiphany, that chance to realize the truth of my past, present and future.
I look at you with so much envy, almost a little bit of hatred, and it fills me with guilt. Your life, your family, your children and grandchildren, I see you all standing there happy and filled with love and… I’m sorry. I’m crying now and my tears stain your letter. I’m jealous of you, of the life you’ve had, the life you still have now, surrounded by family and friends, a life of love, support and happiness.
I see you looking at me, tears in my eyes causing you concern. You’re walking toward me now and all at once the feelings I used to have as a child come rushing back.
I’m always astounded by your compassion, the way that you can just drag the hurt and the pain out of me. I wanted to tell you, I almost did, a faint ‘I love you’ uttered through my sorrow would have been enough. But the words never come. Maybe they will one day, before it’s too late. Maybe they shouldn’t. If it would disrupt the perfection that surrounds you, I don’t want to speak. I will continue with my self-imposed vow of silence and never let you know the truth.
You must know, the way I look at you, the way you catch my eye at times and I look away quickly. Eighty-five years old and I still act like a teenager when you’re around. Being around you is like drinking from the fountain of youth. I get giddy and silly like a child, puppy love takes over once more. And the feeling is wonderful.
The next one, I hope you’re coming. I’ve chartered a yacht since the eclipse won’t make landfall. I’ve never seen one at sea. We’ll be away from all lights, complete and total darkness taking over. It will be like the one I saw in Antarctica, and a few others we’ve been to. Perfect, pure darkness. The way nature intended.
Three minutes and fifteen seconds this time, more than enough to keep me going.
DECEMBER 17, 2066
Dear Lena,
It’s beautiful here, out in the middle of the sea. I can’t believe I’ve never done this before. I never took a cruise, hardly been on a boat in my life, but this… I should’ve bought a yacht, years ago. I could’ve lived on it, sailing to wherever the next eclipse would have been. Maybe a smaller one than this, something I could handle on my own.
Maybe life would have been better for me then. Alone. I can’t help feeling that my son would have been better off without me. He’s thirty years old, working hard on his career, trying to meet the right woman, wanting to buy a house and settle down. I can’t give him advice, I can barely help him through it. When I did it, when I had my career and my first house, it was over sixty years ago. Everything’s changed, everything’s different.
I guess I just wish he could’ve had a younger father, that I could’ve been younger. It would’ve made things easier for both of us, and maybe then it would’ve given me a chance to meet my grandchildren. I’m afraid I won’t last long enough, not at the rate he’s going. And here you are, your granddaughter holding a baby girl. A great-grandmother. You must be so proud, so happy.
They’re quiet today, I think they’re afraid of the water, afraid to damage
How things have changed, and I often feel like I’ve been left behind, that I haven’t changed along with them. I still long for the old days, after the record players but back when personal computers were still new, back when I was in control of my life, my business, in control of a portion of the world of internet gaming. Now, I can’t even understand what’s going on.
Have I been left behind or have I just given up on learning? I feel like everything I know I learned a long time ago, there haven’t been any of the revelations or epiphanies that everyone says come at the end of your life. I’m still hoping for that epiphany, that chance to realize the truth of my past, present and future.
I look at you with so much envy, almost a little bit of hatred, and it fills me with guilt. Your life, your family, your children and grandchildren, I see you all standing there happy and filled with love and… I’m sorry. I’m crying now and my tears stain your letter. I’m jealous of you, of the life you’ve had, the life you still have now, surrounded by family and friends, a life of love, support and happiness.
I see you looking at me, tears in my eyes causing you concern. You’re walking toward me now and all at once the feelings I used to have as a child come rushing back.
I’m always astounded by your compassion, the way that you can just drag the hurt and the pain out of me. I wanted to tell you, I almost did, a faint ‘I love you’ uttered through my sorrow would have been enough. But the words never come. Maybe they will one day, before it’s too late. Maybe they shouldn’t. If it would disrupt the perfection that surrounds you, I don’t want to speak. I will continue with my self-imposed vow of silence and never let you know the truth.
You must know, the way I look at you, the way you catch my eye at times and I look away quickly. Eighty-five years old and I still act like a teenager when you’re around. Being around you is like drinking from the fountain of youth. I get giddy and silly like a child, puppy love takes over once more. And the feeling is wonderful.
The next one, I hope you’re coming. I’ve chartered a yacht since the eclipse won’t make landfall. I’ve never seen one at sea. We’ll be away from all lights, complete and total darkness taking over. It will be like the one I saw in Antarctica, and a few others we’ve been to. Perfect, pure darkness. The way nature intended.
Three minutes and fifteen seconds this time, more than enough to keep me going.
DECEMBER 17, 2066
Dear Lena,
It’s beautiful here, out in the middle of the sea. I can’t believe I’ve never done this before. I never took a cruise, hardly been on a boat in my life, but this… I should’ve bought a yacht, years ago. I could’ve lived on it, sailing to wherever the next eclipse would have been. Maybe a smaller one than this, something I could handle on my own.
Maybe life would have been better for me then. Alone. I can’t help feeling that my son would have been better off without me. He’s thirty years old, working hard on his career, trying to meet the right woman, wanting to buy a house and settle down. I can’t give him advice, I can barely help him through it. When I did it, when I had my career and my first house, it was over sixty years ago. Everything’s changed, everything’s different.
I guess I just wish he could’ve had a younger father, that I could’ve been younger. It would’ve made things easier for both of us, and maybe then it would’ve given me a chance to meet my grandchildren. I’m afraid I won’t last long enough, not at the rate he’s going. And here you are, your granddaughter holding a baby girl. A great-grandmother. You must be so proud, so happy.
They’re quiet today, I think they’re afraid of the water, afraid to damage
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