Read Online My Favorite Fangs: The Story of the Von Trapp Family Vampires by Alan Goldsher - Free Book Online

around several times, and throw her into the lake, but Mother Zombie would probably catch wind of that, and Maria knew that there was no way she would be invited back into the Abbey if she had a random murder on her hands. But a transformation, she thought, is in my nature . A Vampire gets hungry, and can’t help but chew on the neck of a lovely young woman . I most certainly won’t be punished for that .
    Maria leaned over and cupped Liesl’s chin, then gently lifted her face until their eyes met. “Are you sure this is what you want, child?”
    Liesl whispered, “Yes. I want to live in the night. I want to feed on the innocent. And I want one of those cat suits.”
    “We’ll see about the cat suit. But as for the rest of it, well, lay down.”
    Liesl flopped onto her back. “Like this, Fraulein?”
    Maria lay down beside her. “Yes, my dear. Just like that.” And then she rolled onto her side, grabbed Liesl’s face, turned her neck sharply in the opposite direction, and sank her four front fangs into the girl’s sweet, sweet neck. As Maria sucked the luscious blood from Liesl’s jugular, the eldest von Trapp child’s body stiffened and paled. Maria began panting through her nose, and her nipples hardened. She released Liesl’s neck, screamed at the sky in ecstasy. She then bit her own wrist until a strong stream of blue blood oozed from the wound, then opened Liesl’s mouth and let the viscous liquid spurt onto the girl’s tongue. With each drop, Liesl became more animated; after two-or-so minutes of feasting, Liesl sat straight up, her face landing in between Maria’s breasts.
    She buried her face in the Governess’s chest, took a deep inhale, then released a shuddery breath. “ Mein Gott, Maria,” she moaned, “that was … that was … that was…”
    Maria nodded. “I know, darling. I know exactly what that was.” Again, she took the child by the chin and kissed her on the mouth. Liesl’s new fangs clacked against Maria’s ancient ones, their tongues intertwined, and their saliva mixed into a tasty stew. Maria then grabbed Liesl’s hands and pinned her wrists over her head. After she ended the kiss, she asked, “Did you like that, Miss von Trapp?”
    Liesl nodded eagerly.
    “Do you want more?”
    Another eager nod.
    “Then more you shall have.”
    For the next forty-nine minutes, more she did get.
    When the two Vampires returned to the dining room, Maria unfroze the children. If anybody noticed Liesl’s newly acquired pale complexion, they kept their mouth shut about it.
    Which Maria believed was best for everybody. At least for the time being.

 
    INTERLUDE #1
    D RACULA PEERED AROUND his living room, a disappointed look plastered on his pale mug. “I see three. There should be four. Where’s Big B.?”
    The short, felt-faced man with the black cape gazed at his friends, and counted, “One, two, three! I count three people!” He paused, then added, “I love to count things.”
    A handsome young man who bore a striking resemblance to the English thespian Robert Pattinson said, “We know, mate. You’ve mentioned that at every book club meeting we’ve had since 2002.” He then turned to Dracula and asked, “You didn’t hear?”
    “Hear what?”
    “The Blademeister’s being investigated for tax evasion.”
    “If he didn’t buy so many damn pairs of sunglasses, he’d have enough money for Uncle Sam,” said a cartoony man with a brown cape.
    “Look who’s talking,” Dracula said. “If you didn’t buy so many damn boxes of cereal, you’d be able to get your car fixed, and I wouldn’t have to cart you all over the damn city. This is the kind of crap that makes book club a chore. I have to buy all the munchies, then pick you up, then lead the discussion, then drive you home, then come back here and clean up everybody’s mess. And you guys don’t even read the damn books.”
    Handsome Boy said, “Hey, I’ve read every single book, bloke.”
    “I’ve read two,” said