Read Online My Body-His Marcello by Blakely Bennett - Free Book Online

hair back from
his face. I saw in his warm hazel eyes the compassion I
needed.
    “ It’s
over,” I said. I couldn’t manage to get anything else
out.
    Putting his arm
around me, he led me to the back and said, “Talk to me.”
    We passed through
the back room where he had once fitted me with a large Tulip butt
plug and into what looked like a living room. The room had a ’70s
feel to it. The carpet was thick shag the color of brown mustard
and the walls were covered with wood paneling. It reminded me of
one of the apartments my father had lived in over the
years.
    In that moment I
knew who I should call. I could stay with my father for a while.
Unlike my mother, he would keep a cool head.
    “ Something just shifted for you,” Christian said.
    “ Oh
it’s this room. It reminds me of a place my father once lived in.
Plus I realized there is someone I could call.”
    “ Do
you need a phone?”
    “ Yeah,
that would be great.” I breathed a sigh of relief.
    Christian left
the room and I thanked my lucky stars for my ability to remember
phone numbers in this day of cellphones and contact lists. My
father had flitted in and out of my life since my mother divorced
him over twenty years ago.
    “ Here,” he said, handing me a cordless telephone. “Please click
over if another call comes in.” He left me alone.
    I dialed the
number in my head and waited as the phone rang. Please answer,
please answer , I thought to myself.
    “ Hello?” my father said.
    “ Hi,
Dad,” I said.
    “ Janey?” he said. His voice sounded so happy and
jubilant.
    “ Yes,
Daddy.”
    “ I
didn’t think I would hear from you this time. It’s been awhile
since I gave your mother my number.”
    “ Lots
has been happening in my life lately. I’ve been meaning to call
sooner—”
    “ Well,
I’m very glad to be hearing from you now. When can I see
you?”
    “ I’m
happy you asked, Dad, because I was hoping I could stay with you
for a couple of nights.” I paused. When he didn’t respond I
continued, “I’m between places to live right now. It’s a long story
but I need a place to crash for a couple of days while I make other
arrangements.” I stood up and began pacing the room.
    “ What
about your mother? Why not stay with her?”
    “ You
of all people have to ask me that?”
    “ I’m
too set in my ways to have anyone stay at my place, Janey, and
there’s really not enough room for another person.”
    “ Jesus
Christ, Dad! Is it too much to hope you could be there for me once
in my life?” I collapsed back into the chair.
    I faced in that
moment the suffering that comes with being truly alone in the
world. Beyond alone, because I felt unsure of how much of
myself still remained.
    “ Jane,
I am who I am and I’m not going to start apologizing for it
now.”
    “ Don’t
bother. Stop calling me or trying to get in touch with me, Dad. I’m
no longer interested.” I ended the call without giving him a chance
to respond.
    I sensed death
scraping at my door. I had brought on my current predicament
myself. I honestly thought death would be a relief from my hopeless
circumstances. I couldn’t see how Luke and I would reconcile. I
would always be alone. No one would ever find me lovable for the
long term.
    I sank into the
yellow recliner, pulling my legs up to my chest in crushing grief
over my quandary. I did not sob aloud or even breathe heavily.
Silent tears of utter despair welled in my eyes and trickled down
my cheeks.
    Christian knocked
gently before coming in. “Are you done with the phone?” He rounded
in front of me and knelt down, taking me in his arms.
    His gesture
opened the gates of Hades and an avalanche of pain and sorrow
gushed forth. He held me fast and tight for a long time while my
body emotionally purged the present and the past. After what seemed
like hours, my heaving sobs abated. Exhausted, I simply leaned
there in his arms.
    He pulled away
slowly, not completely letting go. “Do you want to talk about