Read Online Mother Nature: The Journals of Eleanor O'Kell by Michael Conniff - Free Book Online
Authors: Michael Conniff
Tags: Science-Fiction
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jumble. The doctors tell me a stroke comes when part of your brain is killed and dies forever. It’s not like Mother Superior can run the Order again. That’s up to Nancy and to me.
December 12, 1966
Mother Superior is dead, thank God. She was so sick she was not going to have much of a life, so I’m glad her suffering has come to an end. She has her place in heaven. She will always have a place in my heart.
December 16, 1966
In my eulogy, I give Mother Superior credit for all the things I have done for the Order. The expansion. The profitability. The Sisters of Currency. The increase in recruits. I say we are burying a saint, a giant. It’s the least I can do.
December 22, 1966
I go to the New York Athletic Club with Nancy to meet the Order’s board of governors. If I am to take Mother Superior’s position, I tell them, then Nancy must take mine . The Bishop is there, and six Monsignors, and the lay people like Charles Evans who give us so much money they think they run the show. I have been to many of these meetings with Mother Superior, and I know everyone by name. “This is just a formality,” the Bishop says.
January 6, 1967
The board calls me back for another interview. Charles Evans takes me aside. “There are no other candidates. But there have been rumors.” Rumors? I say. “Rumors about your habits.” I don’t follow, I say. “Vows. There is some concern about your vows.” The money? I say. The vow of poverty? If the O’Kell money meant anything to me I would have left the Order long ago. “Not the money, Eleanor. That’s not the vow we’re talking about.” I don’t follow, I say. “Chastity. There is some concern about the vow of chastity.” Chastity? “It’s a very important vow. Chastity sets the Order apart from the rest of the world.” I ask if the board is concerned that I am not sufficiently chaste. “Rumors,” Charles Evans says. “There have been rumors.” Do rumors have a place in this process? I say. “Not unless they’re true,” he says.
January 17, 1967
The board decides to make me their interim choice. “A trial run,” the Bishop says. “Nothing to be concerned about. Mother Superior had one herself, you know.” This makes me Mother Inferior , I say. “Not at all,” the Bishop says. “It just means you have something to prove.” And what would that be? I ask. “That you have the spiritual strength to run the Order.” In English, please, I say. The Bishop says: “You have to establish to the board’s satisfaction that you are a holy woman.” Easy as pie, I say.
January 19, 1967
I go to the same young priest for Confession even though I know he will give me hell. Maybe I go because he will give me hell. He is not so young any more, but no matter. Bless me Father, I say, and then I start in. He knows who I am. He knows all sinners are alike. “You are the nun from far away, aren’t you?” He stops me. “How can you do what you do and stay in the Order?” God’s will, I tell him. “ Blasphemy! ” he says. For my penance, he gives me more Acts of Contrition than I can count.
January 29, 1967
“It’s me, it’s my fault,” Nancy says. “Can’t you see that? I’m the cause of all the problems in your life. If it weren’t for me you would be Mother Superior already. Rumors? I’m the rumor. They know about us, can’t you see that? It’s all my fault. I’ve turned you into a liar, a hypocrite, a sinner.” I don’t think we’re sinners, I say. I think we live in a different kind of world where the old ways don’t make sense any more. Just look at Vietnam and drugs and free love. The world is what you make of it. “You’re wrong,” Nancy says. “The rules never change.”
February 25, 1967
I decide we have to limit the number of women we take in each fall, to accept only the cream of our growing crop. Nancy says it’s a big mistake, that times are changing, that girls don’t want to be nuns like they
December 12, 1966
Mother Superior is dead, thank God. She was so sick she was not going to have much of a life, so I’m glad her suffering has come to an end. She has her place in heaven. She will always have a place in my heart.
December 16, 1966
In my eulogy, I give Mother Superior credit for all the things I have done for the Order. The expansion. The profitability. The Sisters of Currency. The increase in recruits. I say we are burying a saint, a giant. It’s the least I can do.
December 22, 1966
I go to the New York Athletic Club with Nancy to meet the Order’s board of governors. If I am to take Mother Superior’s position, I tell them, then Nancy must take mine . The Bishop is there, and six Monsignors, and the lay people like Charles Evans who give us so much money they think they run the show. I have been to many of these meetings with Mother Superior, and I know everyone by name. “This is just a formality,” the Bishop says.
January 6, 1967
The board calls me back for another interview. Charles Evans takes me aside. “There are no other candidates. But there have been rumors.” Rumors? I say. “Rumors about your habits.” I don’t follow, I say. “Vows. There is some concern about your vows.” The money? I say. The vow of poverty? If the O’Kell money meant anything to me I would have left the Order long ago. “Not the money, Eleanor. That’s not the vow we’re talking about.” I don’t follow, I say. “Chastity. There is some concern about the vow of chastity.” Chastity? “It’s a very important vow. Chastity sets the Order apart from the rest of the world.” I ask if the board is concerned that I am not sufficiently chaste. “Rumors,” Charles Evans says. “There have been rumors.” Do rumors have a place in this process? I say. “Not unless they’re true,” he says.
January 17, 1967
The board decides to make me their interim choice. “A trial run,” the Bishop says. “Nothing to be concerned about. Mother Superior had one herself, you know.” This makes me Mother Inferior , I say. “Not at all,” the Bishop says. “It just means you have something to prove.” And what would that be? I ask. “That you have the spiritual strength to run the Order.” In English, please, I say. The Bishop says: “You have to establish to the board’s satisfaction that you are a holy woman.” Easy as pie, I say.
January 19, 1967
I go to the same young priest for Confession even though I know he will give me hell. Maybe I go because he will give me hell. He is not so young any more, but no matter. Bless me Father, I say, and then I start in. He knows who I am. He knows all sinners are alike. “You are the nun from far away, aren’t you?” He stops me. “How can you do what you do and stay in the Order?” God’s will, I tell him. “ Blasphemy! ” he says. For my penance, he gives me more Acts of Contrition than I can count.
January 29, 1967
“It’s me, it’s my fault,” Nancy says. “Can’t you see that? I’m the cause of all the problems in your life. If it weren’t for me you would be Mother Superior already. Rumors? I’m the rumor. They know about us, can’t you see that? It’s all my fault. I’ve turned you into a liar, a hypocrite, a sinner.” I don’t think we’re sinners, I say. I think we live in a different kind of world where the old ways don’t make sense any more. Just look at Vietnam and drugs and free love. The world is what you make of it. “You’re wrong,” Nancy says. “The rules never change.”
February 25, 1967
I decide we have to limit the number of women we take in each fall, to accept only the cream of our growing crop. Nancy says it’s a big mistake, that times are changing, that girls don’t want to be nuns like they
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