Read Online Momzillas by Jill Kargman - Free Book Online

Better than the Asian kids!”
    Deep down I guess all mothers think their kid is the smartest and the greatest, but I still would never say stuff like that. I also would not send a toddler to Chinese class, unless maybe we were moving to Hong Kong. I of course thought about all the cute clever things Violet had said which seemed, naturally, even cuter and smarter than Lara’s brags about Maxwell memorizing the ROYGBIV color spectrum at twelve months or doing times tables at twenty-six months. In Chinese. And what the hell was this “twenty-six months” thing. Couldn’t she just say
two
? I mean, can I please do without the math? Even basic division is a hassle for me at this point. No months for me. Two. Two-and-a-half. Three.
    â€œSo, ladies, Thatcher and I saw the best film this weekend,” started Hallie. “It’s called
Memoirs of a Nobody
—have you heard of it?”
    â€œOh, yes! I’m dying to see that,” said Bee, surprising me. “I read a piece about it in the
Wall Street Journal
. It sounds very powerful.”
    â€œOh yeah!” exclaimed Maggie. “Is that the one from Sun-dance that was all made on an iMac for like forty dollars?”
    â€œYes, that’s the one,” Hallie said. “I cried for two days, it is so disturbing.”
    I hadn’t heard of it. In fact, I felt so out of it, I wasn’t even up on the latest splashy blockbuster, let alone an indie documentary. I guess these gals really kept up with their reading. I was so low-energy lately, the only thing I even cracked was fashion mags and cheesy celeb-packed weekly tabloids. I’m sure my lunch companions would be horrified that while I knew little about the current documentary scene, I did know plenty about Britney and K-Fed’s marriage, who was suddenly obese, and what trendy baby names were sweeping H’wood.
    â€œOh, I heard the film is devastating, just gut-wrenching. But highly provocative,” said Maggie.
    â€œIt’s funny,” I said, venturing to join the conversation. “So many people recommend these movies that they love, but get so upset after. I’m such an emotional freak, I never go because I don’t want to get down,” I said.
    Silence.
    â€œWhat do you mean?” asked Lara, as if I’d just said I eat maggots for snacks.
    The sudden heat of their four gazes made me shift anxiously in my seat. “Well, it’s just whenever people say something’s disturbing, I kind of think, okay that’s not for me.” I shrugged, nervously. “I guess I’m just never in the mood to cry for two days is all.”
    â€œHow sad!” said Hallie, astonished, looking at Bee as if wondering how on earth she could have dragged such a loser to their lunch. “I mean—Hannah, is it?”
    I nodded.
    â€œDon’t you want to be stimulated and challenged and therefore be a better mother to your child by having a brain that’s not mush?”
    My heart was racing. Okay, my brain was mush, I’ll admit it. But I wasn’t retarded or anything.
    â€œI guess since I had Violet I just don’t like upsetting, tragic things or violence,” I replied, defending myself. “Maybe because, I don’t know, maybe having Violet made me feel more vulnerable or something.”
    â€œFine,” Lara said, lifting her Perrier. “Suit yourself. If you want to ‘feel good’ and sit around watching
Shrek
for the rest of your life, be my guest.”
    Ouch.
    â€œI don’t know, I guess I see your point,” I said, feeling wounded by her belittling comment.
    â€œOh good, food’s here,” said Maggie, changing the topic. “I’m starving.”

Nine
    When I told Josh about my day, he seemed interested—particularly by some of the funny choice quotables—but thoroughly exhausted. His new job was sapping the life from him, but I knew he was so happy to finally be home