Read Online Mind Gym by Sebastian Bailey - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Sebastian Bailey
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think about this problem, split between a focus on being out of control and a focus on being in control.
Out of Control (Reactive)
In Control (Proactive)
She’s an unreasonable person who doesn’t appreciate the pressure I’m under.
She has problems in her personal life and is taking them out on me.
Her own boss is being unreasonable (too).
I need to set up some early morning meetings so we can agree on the priorities of the day.
I’ll take her out for coffee and see if there is anything I can do to help—maybe alleviate some of her stress at work so she can deal with her personal stuff.
I’ll talk to my coworkers to see what they do to get the best from her.
I’ll choose areas where I must stand my ground to set a precedent.
Of course, it’s easier to find oneself in the “Out of Control” column. In the short term, it may even be necessary—for example, when someone grieves the death of a friend or relative. However, if you stay in that column, the situation is probably going to get worse. Choose the “In Control” column and you are much more likely to improve the situation.
Going for a run three times a week may be hard work to start with, but it will make you fitter than slouching in front of the TV. In the same way, focusing your energy on what is in your control will make you more proactive, less stressed, and far more likely to achieve your goals.
There’s Always Something You Can Do
Are there times when nothing can be done? Not many. Sometimes, it’s true, there is very little that you can do. Yet even when a problem seems too big to tackle, or so big that your efforts might not make a difference, there are still things you can do.
For example, imagine that you’re extremely concerned about the damage being done to the environment. While it is true that no single action you take will resolve the environmental problems in our world, a few actions on your part can make a big difference. You could
• vote for the political candidate or party that supports your cause,
• buy products that are environmentally friendly,
• recycle,
• write to newspapers, bloggers, and companies that share your concerns,
• invest exclusively in environmentally friendly funds, or
• take part in peaceful protests.
These actions aren’t going to lead to an immediate or enormous difference in the hole in the ozone layer or instantly replant the Amazonian rain forests, but they are more likely to help than your doing nothing at all.
There’s always something you can do to impact or positively change a problem. But the hardest step is often just understanding that your mind-set is limiting your action.
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GIVE YOUR MIND A WORKOUT
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Beginner: Understand Locus of Control
1. Next time you sit down for a chat with a friend, listen carefully to what he or she says and try to determine where their locus of control tends to be: external (reactive) or internal (proactive). You will hear people using a reactive mind-set when
• they describe their worries as being outside their control,
• they blame others for the situation they find themselves in, or
• they avoid taking action.
If someone is doing two or all three of these, they probably have an external locus of control.
2. As you start to talk about what is going on in your life, see if you can spot where your locus of control is. Listen to yourself talk to a friend about what is going on in your life and reflect on what you say and how you say it.
3. Take the time to reflect on how you view your life. Do you see a lot of challenges that you cannot solve, or do you see opportunities for creative solutions? Do you feel out of control, or do you feel ready to tackle the challenges? Are you someone who procrastinates because doing anything feels futile? The answers to these questions will clue you in as to where your
Out of Control (Reactive)
In Control (Proactive)
She’s an unreasonable person who doesn’t appreciate the pressure I’m under.
She has problems in her personal life and is taking them out on me.
Her own boss is being unreasonable (too).
I need to set up some early morning meetings so we can agree on the priorities of the day.
I’ll take her out for coffee and see if there is anything I can do to help—maybe alleviate some of her stress at work so she can deal with her personal stuff.
I’ll talk to my coworkers to see what they do to get the best from her.
I’ll choose areas where I must stand my ground to set a precedent.
Of course, it’s easier to find oneself in the “Out of Control” column. In the short term, it may even be necessary—for example, when someone grieves the death of a friend or relative. However, if you stay in that column, the situation is probably going to get worse. Choose the “In Control” column and you are much more likely to improve the situation.
Going for a run three times a week may be hard work to start with, but it will make you fitter than slouching in front of the TV. In the same way, focusing your energy on what is in your control will make you more proactive, less stressed, and far more likely to achieve your goals.
There’s Always Something You Can Do
Are there times when nothing can be done? Not many. Sometimes, it’s true, there is very little that you can do. Yet even when a problem seems too big to tackle, or so big that your efforts might not make a difference, there are still things you can do.
For example, imagine that you’re extremely concerned about the damage being done to the environment. While it is true that no single action you take will resolve the environmental problems in our world, a few actions on your part can make a big difference. You could
• vote for the political candidate or party that supports your cause,
• buy products that are environmentally friendly,
• recycle,
• write to newspapers, bloggers, and companies that share your concerns,
• invest exclusively in environmentally friendly funds, or
• take part in peaceful protests.
These actions aren’t going to lead to an immediate or enormous difference in the hole in the ozone layer or instantly replant the Amazonian rain forests, but they are more likely to help than your doing nothing at all.
There’s always something you can do to impact or positively change a problem. But the hardest step is often just understanding that your mind-set is limiting your action.
----
GIVE YOUR MIND A WORKOUT
----
Beginner: Understand Locus of Control
1. Next time you sit down for a chat with a friend, listen carefully to what he or she says and try to determine where their locus of control tends to be: external (reactive) or internal (proactive). You will hear people using a reactive mind-set when
• they describe their worries as being outside their control,
• they blame others for the situation they find themselves in, or
• they avoid taking action.
If someone is doing two or all three of these, they probably have an external locus of control.
2. As you start to talk about what is going on in your life, see if you can spot where your locus of control is. Listen to yourself talk to a friend about what is going on in your life and reflect on what you say and how you say it.
3. Take the time to reflect on how you view your life. Do you see a lot of challenges that you cannot solve, or do you see opportunities for creative solutions? Do you feel out of control, or do you feel ready to tackle the challenges? Are you someone who procrastinates because doing anything feels futile? The answers to these questions will clue you in as to where your
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