Read Online Mercury Rises by Robert Kroese - Free Book Online
Authors: Robert Kroese
Tags: Fiction, General, Humorous, Humorous fiction, Fantasy fiction, Fantasy, Contemporary, Journalists, Armageddon, Angels, Government investigators, End of the world, Women Journalists
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was virtually impossible to reach by foot. For an angel, however, it presented no challenge. Mercury alighted on the intricate pattern carved into the rock and blinked out of Mundane existence, reappearing a split second later in the arrivals area of the planeport.
He walked to the portal bearing the markings of the Courts of the Most High and soon found himself walking the gold brick paths of Heaven's most prominent plane.
Mercury strode the path to the great pyramid-shaped building that housed the Apocalypse Bureau. Once inside, he made his way to Uzziel's office and knocked. A curt "Come in!" greeted him, and he opened the door.
Uzziel was on the phone. "No, I won't hold!" he shouted. "I'm a deputy assistant director of the Apocalypse Bureau, and I demand to...Damn it all, they've put me on hold again. Sit down, Mercury. Let me guess, you're here to complain about the flooding? You and every other cherub assigned to the Mundane Plane."
Mercury shook his head innocently. "Flooding? No, I was just stopping by to see how things are holding up here at the home front. What's this about flooding?"
"Half the damn Mundane Plane is underwater," Uzziel said. "My phone is ringing off the hook with angels asking me if we're running some kind of drill. You really haven't noticed any flooding?"
"Oh, there's been a little rain," Mercury said dismissively. "It doesn't bother me. I find it soothing."
"No, I don't want to be transferred to the Apocalypse Bureau!" Uzziel shouted. "I am the Apocalypse Bureau. My name is Uzziel. I'm trying to find out if you...Damn it all to Hell!"
"On hold again?" Mercury asked.
Uzziel sighed. "I'm actually glad you're here," he said. "Maybe you can figure out what the hell is going on with this flooding."
A nasal voice spoke from Uzziel's intercom. "Sir, you have a call on line two. Should I have them call back?"
"No, I'll take it," said Uzziel. "These idiots have me on hold anyway. Who is it?"
The voice spoke again. "She said her name was Susie. From the Punk Lips Bureau."
"The what ?" Uzziel demanded.
"That's what she said. She said she was transferring Susie from the Punk Lips Bureau with a question about budding."
"Whatever," Uzziel said wearily. "Just transfer her." He punched the button for line two on his phone.
"Apocalypse Bureau, Deputy Assistant Director Uzziel speaking," Uzziel said into the phone. "Uh-huh. Yep. OK, I got it." He hung up and smiled humorlessly at Mercury. "I just hung up on myself."
"I admire your patience," Mercury said. "I'd have hung up on you hours ago."
"Seriously, Mercury, this is a disaster. I guess the worst of the flooding hasn't hit your area yet, but trust me, it's like the end of the world down there. Which, of course, it can't be, because I'm in charge of the Apocalypse and I don't know a damn thing about whatever is going on."
"Really?" Mercury asked. "So you didn't approve this rain?"
"No," replied Uzziel firmly.
"Not even in Europe?"
"No," said Uzziel, shaking his head. "I didn't approve the rain in Europe."
"What about in Asia?"
"No," said Uzziel. "I didn't OK the rain in Asia either."
"Hmm," said Mercury. "But Africa, though. Surely---"
"I most certainly did not bless the rains down in Africa!" growled Uzziel.
"OK," said Mercury. "Let me see what I can find out."
"Thanks, Merc," said Uzziel. "I'll owe you one."
Mercury left Uzziel's office. Now what? Not only did Uzziel not know anything, evidently Mercury wasn't the first angel to arrive from the Mundane Plane to complain in vain about the rain.
It occurred to him, however, that if a large number of angels had fled the Mundane Plane through the planeport, someone who spent a lot of time at the planeport might have overheard something useful. Mercury sighed. There was only one thing to do: head back to the planeport and find Perp.
Perp wasn't difficult to find, as he was the only cherub Mercury knew who had assumed the appearance of a young human child with vestigial birdlike wings.
He walked to the portal bearing the markings of the Courts of the Most High and soon found himself walking the gold brick paths of Heaven's most prominent plane.
Mercury strode the path to the great pyramid-shaped building that housed the Apocalypse Bureau. Once inside, he made his way to Uzziel's office and knocked. A curt "Come in!" greeted him, and he opened the door.
Uzziel was on the phone. "No, I won't hold!" he shouted. "I'm a deputy assistant director of the Apocalypse Bureau, and I demand to...Damn it all, they've put me on hold again. Sit down, Mercury. Let me guess, you're here to complain about the flooding? You and every other cherub assigned to the Mundane Plane."
Mercury shook his head innocently. "Flooding? No, I was just stopping by to see how things are holding up here at the home front. What's this about flooding?"
"Half the damn Mundane Plane is underwater," Uzziel said. "My phone is ringing off the hook with angels asking me if we're running some kind of drill. You really haven't noticed any flooding?"
"Oh, there's been a little rain," Mercury said dismissively. "It doesn't bother me. I find it soothing."
"No, I don't want to be transferred to the Apocalypse Bureau!" Uzziel shouted. "I am the Apocalypse Bureau. My name is Uzziel. I'm trying to find out if you...Damn it all to Hell!"
"On hold again?" Mercury asked.
Uzziel sighed. "I'm actually glad you're here," he said. "Maybe you can figure out what the hell is going on with this flooding."
A nasal voice spoke from Uzziel's intercom. "Sir, you have a call on line two. Should I have them call back?"
"No, I'll take it," said Uzziel. "These idiots have me on hold anyway. Who is it?"
The voice spoke again. "She said her name was Susie. From the Punk Lips Bureau."
"The what ?" Uzziel demanded.
"That's what she said. She said she was transferring Susie from the Punk Lips Bureau with a question about budding."
"Whatever," Uzziel said wearily. "Just transfer her." He punched the button for line two on his phone.
"Apocalypse Bureau, Deputy Assistant Director Uzziel speaking," Uzziel said into the phone. "Uh-huh. Yep. OK, I got it." He hung up and smiled humorlessly at Mercury. "I just hung up on myself."
"I admire your patience," Mercury said. "I'd have hung up on you hours ago."
"Seriously, Mercury, this is a disaster. I guess the worst of the flooding hasn't hit your area yet, but trust me, it's like the end of the world down there. Which, of course, it can't be, because I'm in charge of the Apocalypse and I don't know a damn thing about whatever is going on."
"Really?" Mercury asked. "So you didn't approve this rain?"
"No," replied Uzziel firmly.
"Not even in Europe?"
"No," said Uzziel, shaking his head. "I didn't approve the rain in Europe."
"What about in Asia?"
"No," said Uzziel. "I didn't OK the rain in Asia either."
"Hmm," said Mercury. "But Africa, though. Surely---"
"I most certainly did not bless the rains down in Africa!" growled Uzziel.
"OK," said Mercury. "Let me see what I can find out."
"Thanks, Merc," said Uzziel. "I'll owe you one."
Mercury left Uzziel's office. Now what? Not only did Uzziel not know anything, evidently Mercury wasn't the first angel to arrive from the Mundane Plane to complain in vain about the rain.
It occurred to him, however, that if a large number of angels had fled the Mundane Plane through the planeport, someone who spent a lot of time at the planeport might have overheard something useful. Mercury sighed. There was only one thing to do: head back to the planeport and find Perp.
Perp wasn't difficult to find, as he was the only cherub Mercury knew who had assumed the appearance of a young human child with vestigial birdlike wings.
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