that everything was normal. And if Leanne had been there she could have chatted and said, ‘How did you and Tommy get together?’ As if it were no big deal. As if it were something she might have expected.
During the walk she felt a choking hurt that clenched her chest. Getting further away from the party it seemed to loosen just a little and she just experienced a kind of disbelief that she’d ever thought that there might be something between her and Tommy. He’d been sweet and attentive and always keen to spend time with her but it’d never been anything to do with
attraction
. She was his mate. That was all. No one else thought they might be paired off because Lucy had told her about Leanne without flinching, with no sense that it might offend or upset Mandy. She had never considered Mandy as girlfriend material for Tommy and hadn’t thought, for a second, that Mandy had that idea either.
It was probably the same for everyone else in the sixth form.
She
was the only person who hadn’t known. She felt tears in her eyes at this thought. It was
shameful
that she hadn’t realised. Was she some kind of idiot? Maybe if she hadn’t been so wound up with all this other stuff about Petra and Tina. If she’d not had that on her mind she might have looked calmly round the common room and seen the signs that Tommy was attracted to Leanne and then realised in time, before she made an emotional show of herself in front of Lucy.
Her head was filled up with what happened years before. She was so preoccupied she couldn’t see what was going on under her own nose, she couldn’t think straight, otherwise she would have realised that Tommy wasn’t for her. He was interesting, full of ideas, funny, good company. Why would he want her?
She got home and avoided questions about the party and why she hadn’t called for a lift. Her dad was tired and yawned his way up the stairs to his room. She went straight to bed and seemed to fall asleep quickly.
She woke up just after three. She tried to go back to sleep but was still tossing and turning an hour later. Eventually she sat up. Her room felt cold. She put her bedside light on and took a drink from the glass of water beside her. She looked over at her wardrobe. Her red top was still hanging on the outside of the door. She hadn’t even worn it. It hung there like a flag that had been lowered.
She shouldn’t have gone to the party at all. She should have stayed at home and wallowed in the thoughts that had been weighing her head down this week. She got up. She walked to the window and pulled the curtain back a few centimetres and looked out. It was black and there was mist or possibly fog. She could see it making the street light hazy.
She wondered about the house on Princess Street. She hadn’t passed by it since Tuesday morning when the bulldozers were starting up. Alison Pointer said that it’d been almost flattened. Mandy tried to picture what it looked like. There would be a big gap and the walls of the adjacent houses would look odd and exposed. You would be able to look straight through to what had been the back garden. She wondered if the demolishers had taken the trees and bushes as well. There’d been a lot of them she remembered from years before but they may have been cleared by the people who lived in the flats. There’d been brick sheds at the bottom of the garden too. Had they been flattened?
It was twenty past four and she was wide awake. Her mum and dad wouldn’t get up for hours. It felt freezing, and the heating wasn’t due to come on until seven. The silence of the house seemed to stifle her. She felt restless and wanted to go out,
do something
. Later, maybe after lunch, she could go on Facebook and congratulate Tommy on getting together with Leanne. That would be an easy way of getting over the awkward embarrassment of being told about it. She could ask Tommy what had gone on at the party, who was wearing what, who got
During the walk she felt a choking hurt that clenched her chest. Getting further away from the party it seemed to loosen just a little and she just experienced a kind of disbelief that she’d ever thought that there might be something between her and Tommy. He’d been sweet and attentive and always keen to spend time with her but it’d never been anything to do with
attraction
. She was his mate. That was all. No one else thought they might be paired off because Lucy had told her about Leanne without flinching, with no sense that it might offend or upset Mandy. She had never considered Mandy as girlfriend material for Tommy and hadn’t thought, for a second, that Mandy had that idea either.
It was probably the same for everyone else in the sixth form.
She
was the only person who hadn’t known. She felt tears in her eyes at this thought. It was
shameful
that she hadn’t realised. Was she some kind of idiot? Maybe if she hadn’t been so wound up with all this other stuff about Petra and Tina. If she’d not had that on her mind she might have looked calmly round the common room and seen the signs that Tommy was attracted to Leanne and then realised in time, before she made an emotional show of herself in front of Lucy.
Her head was filled up with what happened years before. She was so preoccupied she couldn’t see what was going on under her own nose, she couldn’t think straight, otherwise she would have realised that Tommy wasn’t for her. He was interesting, full of ideas, funny, good company. Why would he want her?
She got home and avoided questions about the party and why she hadn’t called for a lift. Her dad was tired and yawned his way up the stairs to his room. She went straight to bed and seemed to fall asleep quickly.
She woke up just after three. She tried to go back to sleep but was still tossing and turning an hour later. Eventually she sat up. Her room felt cold. She put her bedside light on and took a drink from the glass of water beside her. She looked over at her wardrobe. Her red top was still hanging on the outside of the door. She hadn’t even worn it. It hung there like a flag that had been lowered.
She shouldn’t have gone to the party at all. She should have stayed at home and wallowed in the thoughts that had been weighing her head down this week. She got up. She walked to the window and pulled the curtain back a few centimetres and looked out. It was black and there was mist or possibly fog. She could see it making the street light hazy.
She wondered about the house on Princess Street. She hadn’t passed by it since Tuesday morning when the bulldozers were starting up. Alison Pointer said that it’d been almost flattened. Mandy tried to picture what it looked like. There would be a big gap and the walls of the adjacent houses would look odd and exposed. You would be able to look straight through to what had been the back garden. She wondered if the demolishers had taken the trees and bushes as well. There’d been a lot of them she remembered from years before but they may have been cleared by the people who lived in the flats. There’d been brick sheds at the bottom of the garden too. Had they been flattened?
It was twenty past four and she was wide awake. Her mum and dad wouldn’t get up for hours. It felt freezing, and the heating wasn’t due to come on until seven. The silence of the house seemed to stifle her. She felt restless and wanted to go out,
do something
. Later, maybe after lunch, she could go on Facebook and congratulate Tommy on getting together with Leanne. That would be an easy way of getting over the awkward embarrassment of being told about it. She could ask Tommy what had gone on at the party, who was wearing what, who got
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