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Authors: Lisette van de Heg
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stool between the cows legs and pull at the teats to let the milk squirt out.
I had never done it myself, and now I watched while Auntie showed me. She had pulled out an extra stool for me beside her so I could sit up close and see well.
‘First you rub your hands warm,’ she said, ‘because cold hands aren’t very comfortable for the cow.’
When she was ready she held the teats in her hand and started to pull with slow, regular movements.
‘You have to pull your hand down and at the same time you squeeze, but not too hard. If you do she’ll kick you.’
I watched and saw how two streams of milk squirted into the bucket. It looked easy enough, I thought, and the cow stood placidly and did not seem to mind at all.
‘Would you like to give it a try, Maria?’
For a moment I hesitated. I was very conscious of the fact that so close by a cow was large and warm, but I agreed to try it. We switched stools and Auntie put her seat behind mine and put her arms around me. She wrapped her hands around mine and placed them around the teats, her body against my back.
This is different , I told myself and I remained seated on my stool, motionless. She was a woman, she was my aunt. But she was also tall and strong. The pressure of her fingers forced my hands into the right direction, but my breath came faster and faster, and I could feel the world start to whirl around me. I swayed on my low seat and almost fell over, but Auntie’s arms caught me.
‘Maria, are you all right?’ She pulled me up and had me lean with my back against her chest. I could hear her heartbeat. The rhythm of her heartbeat mingled with his. Too close . He was way too close. I tried to push him away, but he was too strong and too heavy.
‘Behave yourself, Maria.’
Too close. The thumping sound in my ears became one with his heavy breathing. With much effort I managed to suck in enough air. Too close.
‘Do you need something to eat, or something else?’
Concerned, Auntie slowly released me, but I could sense that she kept a close eye on me and I turned around so I could face her.
‘I’m fine,’ I lied. I slowly counted to ten, breathing slowly and deeply.
‘It was just a dizzy spell, nothing more. I guess it’s all part of it.’ I smiled weakly.
‘Let’s do this some other day. Just watch me for now.’ Auntie rose from her stool, took my hand and pulled me up. She looked at me intently to see how I was doing. My legs were shaking, but I stood quietly and did not look away. She did not need to know my weaknesses. Auntie Be nodded, reassured, and sat down between the cow’s legs. With calm movements she continued, and when she finished she took the bucket and stool over to the next cow. I followed her meekly and watched how she worked, but my thoughts were elsewhere, in a lonely and frightful place.
It was not until Auntie had finished milking the cows and emptied the buckets into the milk pail, that the memories disappeared into the background and I calmed down as I helped her washing the buckets. Together we brought the milk pails to the wheelbarrow in the barn. After milking this evening we would have to put all the pails at the road for the milk driver to collect.
Next we walked to the pig house where Auntie kept two sows and one pig for slaughter. As soon as the door opened I could smell the so familiar smell of long ago. Pigs were filthy animals and I held my breath as we walked in. Auntie did not seem to take notice.
‘Next week the butcher will come,’ she said. ‘It’s too bad you won’t be able to join us, Maria, are you sure you won’t…’
‘No, Auntie.’ I interrupted her before she could finish her sentence. ‘Nobody must know that I am here. I will go to my room when the butcher comes and I’ll be fine.’
‘It’s a shame, though.’ Auntie Be rubbed her hands with regret, but seemed to resign herself to the fact that I would not be present at the pig’s slaughter. Personally, I was relieved to have
I had never done it myself, and now I watched while Auntie showed me. She had pulled out an extra stool for me beside her so I could sit up close and see well.
‘First you rub your hands warm,’ she said, ‘because cold hands aren’t very comfortable for the cow.’
When she was ready she held the teats in her hand and started to pull with slow, regular movements.
‘You have to pull your hand down and at the same time you squeeze, but not too hard. If you do she’ll kick you.’
I watched and saw how two streams of milk squirted into the bucket. It looked easy enough, I thought, and the cow stood placidly and did not seem to mind at all.
‘Would you like to give it a try, Maria?’
For a moment I hesitated. I was very conscious of the fact that so close by a cow was large and warm, but I agreed to try it. We switched stools and Auntie put her seat behind mine and put her arms around me. She wrapped her hands around mine and placed them around the teats, her body against my back.
This is different , I told myself and I remained seated on my stool, motionless. She was a woman, she was my aunt. But she was also tall and strong. The pressure of her fingers forced my hands into the right direction, but my breath came faster and faster, and I could feel the world start to whirl around me. I swayed on my low seat and almost fell over, but Auntie’s arms caught me.
‘Maria, are you all right?’ She pulled me up and had me lean with my back against her chest. I could hear her heartbeat. The rhythm of her heartbeat mingled with his. Too close . He was way too close. I tried to push him away, but he was too strong and too heavy.
‘Behave yourself, Maria.’
Too close. The thumping sound in my ears became one with his heavy breathing. With much effort I managed to suck in enough air. Too close.
‘Do you need something to eat, or something else?’
Concerned, Auntie slowly released me, but I could sense that she kept a close eye on me and I turned around so I could face her.
‘I’m fine,’ I lied. I slowly counted to ten, breathing slowly and deeply.
‘It was just a dizzy spell, nothing more. I guess it’s all part of it.’ I smiled weakly.
‘Let’s do this some other day. Just watch me for now.’ Auntie rose from her stool, took my hand and pulled me up. She looked at me intently to see how I was doing. My legs were shaking, but I stood quietly and did not look away. She did not need to know my weaknesses. Auntie Be nodded, reassured, and sat down between the cow’s legs. With calm movements she continued, and when she finished she took the bucket and stool over to the next cow. I followed her meekly and watched how she worked, but my thoughts were elsewhere, in a lonely and frightful place.
It was not until Auntie had finished milking the cows and emptied the buckets into the milk pail, that the memories disappeared into the background and I calmed down as I helped her washing the buckets. Together we brought the milk pails to the wheelbarrow in the barn. After milking this evening we would have to put all the pails at the road for the milk driver to collect.
Next we walked to the pig house where Auntie kept two sows and one pig for slaughter. As soon as the door opened I could smell the so familiar smell of long ago. Pigs were filthy animals and I held my breath as we walked in. Auntie did not seem to take notice.
‘Next week the butcher will come,’ she said. ‘It’s too bad you won’t be able to join us, Maria, are you sure you won’t…’
‘No, Auntie.’ I interrupted her before she could finish her sentence. ‘Nobody must know that I am here. I will go to my room when the butcher comes and I’ll be fine.’
‘It’s a shame, though.’ Auntie Be rubbed her hands with regret, but seemed to resign herself to the fact that I would not be present at the pig’s slaughter. Personally, I was relieved to have
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