Read Online Major Karnage by Gord Zajac - Free Book Online Page B

After a few spins, he let the
cable loose, and the tray slammed into the bars.
    Sparks exploded. Electricity crackled and buzzed. The bars bent
outwards.
    Karnage’s neck buzzed. “Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to
Tangy Orange. Please refrain from—”
    “How do you like that,” Karnage said. “E-nium’s stronger than
titanium just like biometric scanners are tamper proof.”
    “How did you know?” Stumpton said.
    “I didn’t.” Karnage kicked the tray clear of the sparking bars. “But
if this stuff is so strong, then why go to all the trouble of electrifying
it?”
    Karnage swung the tray over his head again and lobbed it into the
mangled bars. The Sanity Patch upgraded to Coral Essence. Karnage
didn’t pay much attention to it. He was more worried about the
tray. The bars had bent so far in that the tray was wedged inside the
bulge. Karnage gave the tray an experimental kick. It was stuck fast.
“You don’t suppose these trays are conductive, do you, Corporal?”
    “I . . . I don’t know. . . .”
    “Best guess?”
    “I’d guess not.”
    “Good enough for me.” Karnage launched himself across the cell
and slammed his shoulder into the tray. The bars twisted farther
out. A corner of the tray pushed clear of the bars. The Sanity Patch
chirruped again. “Warning. Sanity Level upgraded to Frosty Pink.
Please—”
    “Guess you’re right,” Karnage said. “I didn’t get fried.”
    Karnage threw himself into the tray again. The entire rear of the
tray pushed clear. “One more oughta do it.”
    “—upgraded to Strawberry Shortcake. Please refrain from
violent behaviour.”
    Karnage froze. He looked at Stumpton.
    “Come on, Major,” Stumpton said, “one more shot and you’re
through!”
    Karnage pointed at his neck. “Did that thing say what I think it
said?”
    “What?”
    “Strawberry shortcake.”
    “Yeah, I guess so. What does that matter?”
    “Shit.” Karnage moved to punch the tray in frustration. He
stopped himself mid-swing. “Shit-shit shit! ”
    “What’s wrong?”
    “I can’t do it,” Karnage said.
    “Sure you can! It’s just gonna take one more hit! Hell, if you’ve
done something to your shoulder, just give it a good solid kick.
That’s all it’ll—”
    “I can’t!”
    A door burst open in the distance. Boots marched down the hall.
A pair of extra large Dabneycops emerged from the darkness. The
beefier of the two looked from Karnage to Stumpton, then back to
Karnage.
    “Which one of you knuckleheads is Karnage?”
    A high-pitched voice piped up from behind them. “It’s the one
who still has both his hands, you idiot!”
    The beefy one looked at Karnage suspiciously. “You sure?”
    “Of course I’m sure! Now get the hell out of my way before I make
you sad tossers regret it!”
    “Sorry, Sydney.” The two brutes jumped to either side as if they’d
been bit. Standing behind them was a third Dabneycop who barely
came up to their waists. She removed her helmet, revealing spiky
strawberry blonde hair and piercing blue eyes that stared cold and
hard at Karnage.
    “So,” she said. “You’re Karnage.”
    “So,” Karnage said. “You’re Sydney.”
    “I’ve heard a lot about you,” she looked Karnage up and down.
“Can’t say you live up to the hype.”
    “Feeling’s kinda mutual,” Karnage said.
    “Oh yeah?” Sydney smirked. “Expecting someone a bit more
manly, were you?”
    “Nah,” Karnage said. “Just a little taller.”
    Sydney scowled. She poked at the tray jutting out of the cell.
“Trying to escape, I see?”
    “You noticed that, huh?”
    “I’ve got a good eye.” She pointed a finger at Karnage. “You cost
me my command.”
    “You shoulda done more to hold on to it.”
    Sydney smiled. “You got a mouth on you.”
    “So I’ve been told.”
    “You got the goods to back it up?”
    “You lookin’ to find out?”
    “I am.” She motioned to the beefier of her two associates. “Tiny.