Read Online Luck of the Draw (Xanth) by Piers Anthony - Free Book Online
Authors: Piers Anthony
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Rainbow.”
“Oh, yes. Princess Dawn told me about that.”
“Each Demon associates with a particular force. For example Demon Earth has Gravity, and Demon Xanth has Magic. So Mundanes don’t know about Magic, but they ought to know about Gravity.”
“Mundanes refuse to ascribe a magical basis for it.”
“That must be their problem. What else could it be, except a kind of magic?”
“What else, indeed,” he agreed wryly. He took a breath. “There’s another thing.”
“I’m here to help you as much as I can.”
“One of the things I am skeptical about, as a nonmagic Mundane, is coincidence. I don’t believe in unlikely things working out conveniently. There’s generally a reason.”
“A reason?” she asked innocently.
“Caprice Castle travels randomly about Xanth, and we collect puns wherever it lands. We have not yet encountered anything dangerous, like a dragon or evil magic. So we go out in the country, and just happen to meet the helpful and informative great-grandparents of Princess Dawn, at whose castle I am staying, and of Princess Harmony, whom I am supposed to court. I doubt that was really coincidence.”
Mindy gazed at him assessingly. “You’re pretty savvy.”
“It’s just common sense. You led me to them, via a safe route.”
She nodded. “Dawn told me to give you the Tour of Xanth without making a formal thing of it and without putting you in danger. Because there’s a lot you need to know before you can hope to win the princess. It wouldn’t be fair to throw you into that competition unprepared. You’d get killed, or flub it. I think that’s why the Demon Earth arranged for you to go to Caprice Castle. He knew Dawn would take care of you.”
“The Demon Earth arranged this? I suspect that does make sense. Certainly someone set it up, with the smelly message and all, and the way I landed right at Caprice instead of in a bog. But there must be a considerable random element, because I am hardly the ideal Mundanian for this quest.”
“We are not equipped to comprehend the motives of Demons. They wager on the most devious and inconsequential things. They do what they do, and we just hope they don’t mess us up too badly.”
“So maybe I was selected because I’m an unlikely prospect? Too old and ignorant. Maybe that too makes sense.”
“I don’t think you’re ignorant.”
“Of magic,” he said. “In that respect I’m an absolute dunce.”
“But you are learning. You caught on about the guided tour.”
“Even magic has to have some common sense. And Rachel,” he said, and the dog’s ears perked up. “She was selected too?”
“She must have been. To help you cope.”
He reached out and patted the dog. “She does help.”
“Woofer likes her too.”
“Woofer’s originally from Mundania,” he said, remembering. “So he would naturally like a—a female dog from Mundania.”
“A bitch,” she agreed. “It’s not a bad word here. Otherwise it would come out bleep.”
“Bleep?”
“Try saying a bad word. Like if you dropped a rock on your toe.”
“Bleep!” he said. And paused, surprised. “That wasn’t what I said.”
“There’s a girl and two nice dogs present. That’s why the Adult Conspiracy cut in.”
“But they’re adults and you’re no child.”
“I’m two days shy of twenty. Or was, before I came to Xanth. But you’re right: I’m old enough. The Conspiracy extends only to age eighteen. So we don’t know why it struck.”
There had to be a reason. Bryce filed the minor mystery away for future reference. He had too many important things to learn without struggling with incidentals. “Well, let’s get back to work, before any puns escape. I’m trying to earn my keep.”
“Yes.”
They resumed pun collecting. They soon encountered a stag walking disconsolately along the path. Rachel pointed.
Bryce approached the stag. “Why so sad?”
“My name is John,” the stag said. “I try to court the does, but all
“Oh, yes. Princess Dawn told me about that.”
“Each Demon associates with a particular force. For example Demon Earth has Gravity, and Demon Xanth has Magic. So Mundanes don’t know about Magic, but they ought to know about Gravity.”
“Mundanes refuse to ascribe a magical basis for it.”
“That must be their problem. What else could it be, except a kind of magic?”
“What else, indeed,” he agreed wryly. He took a breath. “There’s another thing.”
“I’m here to help you as much as I can.”
“One of the things I am skeptical about, as a nonmagic Mundane, is coincidence. I don’t believe in unlikely things working out conveniently. There’s generally a reason.”
“A reason?” she asked innocently.
“Caprice Castle travels randomly about Xanth, and we collect puns wherever it lands. We have not yet encountered anything dangerous, like a dragon or evil magic. So we go out in the country, and just happen to meet the helpful and informative great-grandparents of Princess Dawn, at whose castle I am staying, and of Princess Harmony, whom I am supposed to court. I doubt that was really coincidence.”
Mindy gazed at him assessingly. “You’re pretty savvy.”
“It’s just common sense. You led me to them, via a safe route.”
She nodded. “Dawn told me to give you the Tour of Xanth without making a formal thing of it and without putting you in danger. Because there’s a lot you need to know before you can hope to win the princess. It wouldn’t be fair to throw you into that competition unprepared. You’d get killed, or flub it. I think that’s why the Demon Earth arranged for you to go to Caprice Castle. He knew Dawn would take care of you.”
“The Demon Earth arranged this? I suspect that does make sense. Certainly someone set it up, with the smelly message and all, and the way I landed right at Caprice instead of in a bog. But there must be a considerable random element, because I am hardly the ideal Mundanian for this quest.”
“We are not equipped to comprehend the motives of Demons. They wager on the most devious and inconsequential things. They do what they do, and we just hope they don’t mess us up too badly.”
“So maybe I was selected because I’m an unlikely prospect? Too old and ignorant. Maybe that too makes sense.”
“I don’t think you’re ignorant.”
“Of magic,” he said. “In that respect I’m an absolute dunce.”
“But you are learning. You caught on about the guided tour.”
“Even magic has to have some common sense. And Rachel,” he said, and the dog’s ears perked up. “She was selected too?”
“She must have been. To help you cope.”
He reached out and patted the dog. “She does help.”
“Woofer likes her too.”
“Woofer’s originally from Mundania,” he said, remembering. “So he would naturally like a—a female dog from Mundania.”
“A bitch,” she agreed. “It’s not a bad word here. Otherwise it would come out bleep.”
“Bleep?”
“Try saying a bad word. Like if you dropped a rock on your toe.”
“Bleep!” he said. And paused, surprised. “That wasn’t what I said.”
“There’s a girl and two nice dogs present. That’s why the Adult Conspiracy cut in.”
“But they’re adults and you’re no child.”
“I’m two days shy of twenty. Or was, before I came to Xanth. But you’re right: I’m old enough. The Conspiracy extends only to age eighteen. So we don’t know why it struck.”
There had to be a reason. Bryce filed the minor mystery away for future reference. He had too many important things to learn without struggling with incidentals. “Well, let’s get back to work, before any puns escape. I’m trying to earn my keep.”
“Yes.”
They resumed pun collecting. They soon encountered a stag walking disconsolately along the path. Rachel pointed.
Bryce approached the stag. “Why so sad?”
“My name is John,” the stag said. “I try to court the does, but all
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