day learning to handle farm equipment and helping to clear a field.
âFieldâs the best place for him,â somebody muttered as Teddy finished his story. I turned to see who it was, but there were a lot of people around.
Nights were when the whole clan cut loose, it seemed. It was still late summer, the evenings were warm, and dinner was a shitkicker hoedown, with big slabs of beef grilling over cut-in-half fifty-five gallon drums thatâd been turned into barbecues. There were maybe twenty men and ten women present, including Colby, who gave me a friendly little wave. Jugs of homemade corn mash were passed around, and country music blared from some huge boombox .
I probably donât have to mention that Teddy was the only non-Caucasian there.
âI canât take much more of this,â Teddy whispered to me, nervously eyeing the progressively-drunker assholes all around us.
âI know,â I said, nearly shouting to be heard over that terrible music, âIâm working on it.â
I cast a quick glance off to the side, and saw that we were indeed being watched, not by Hank or Johnny or even Moose, but by a bitter-looking, middle-aged woman whose name I didnât know. She seemed to be stirring some big pot of beans, but I knew her real job was to spy on us and report back to Mama, who I didnât see anywhere.
âThey wonât let us leave, will they?â Teddy asked.
âNo. They want us as workers, although they also love to talk about breeding stock.â
Teddy noticeably stiffened. âOh God. If any of them hurt youâ¦â
I turned my back to our spy, doing whatever I could to make her job harder. âDonât worry, theyâre afraid of me. I think youâve got the bigger problem. Weâll need a vehicle, some food and water, some Prolixin , and a time when they wonât notice us driving off, because they have guns. I think they mustâve stripped out an armory, because Iâm sure these guns areâwereâillegal. What do they call themâ¦automatic weapons.â
Teddy nodded, and said, âBack behind the barn theyâve got three trucks and two SUVs. I think our friend Hank is in charge of the keys, though.â
âGreat,â I said sarcastically.
Just then the music was turned down a notch, for which I was immeasurably grateful, and Mama made her appearance, waddling out from the house to a chorus.
ââEvening, Mama⦠Lookinâ fine tonight, Mamaâ¦â
She took a seat in a big cushioned redwood deck chair, and was immediately served a big plate of meat. Before she tucked into it, she bent her head and clasped her hands.
âDear Lordâ¦â
The rest of them echoed, âDear Lordâ¦â
Dear Lord is right.
I donât mind telling you that Iâm pretty disappointed in God. Heâs let us down big, and Iâve got a word or two for Him when we finally meet. These guys think Iâve got a problem with foul language now? Wait until they hear what Iâd unleash on the Big Daddy upstairs.
In the meantime, I wasnât about to bow my head and go along with their little Sunday school meeting. I just hoped they wouldnât start speaking in tongues and pulling out rattlesnakes to kiss.
Mama led them through their little prayer, and when they finished she called out, âNow letâs eat!â They whooped and hollered again, the music went back on (almost making me sorry theyâd stopped the prayer), and food was passed out.
I was about to wander off and see if I could get Teddy and I some bread or whatever, but Mama spotted us and waved us over. I wanted to just flip her the bird, but figured weâd better go.
We walked up, and she indicated a couple of smaller chairs nearby. âPull up a seat. Didnât you get yourselves somethinâ to eat?â
âWeâre vegetarians,â I told her. Iâd decided if it was good enough for Teddy
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