Read Online LoveStar by Andri Snaer Magnason - Free Book Online
Authors: Andri Snaer Magnason
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final rest in a place where you would not feel easy for one moment on a dark night? To make your love rest in a place that was forever linked to darkness and horror? Who wanted to invest in decomposition? The matter was simple: the old idea was bad. The ceremony uncomfortable. The decomposition disgusting. It was hopeless from the start, a bad idea that was called tradition because no one had thought of anything better for sixty thousand years. No flowers or wreaths, please. Those who wished to remember the deceased were invited to donate their money to a more worthwhile cause. Death had potential that no one but LoveStar picked up on.
LoveDeath was initially the preserve of billionaires. In Hollywood LoveDeath was the next step when the plastic surgeon admitted defeat and said he couldnât correct the wrinkles, eye-bags, varicose veins, cellulite, and droopy breasts; it was all downhill from now on and this was the right moment: to have yourself fired to the climax of life, submit to LoveDeath. The ultimate way to burn fat.
Death is clean and LoveDeath is the purifying fire. Before becoming one with eternity you will burn up in the atmosphere. Then the spirit will be released from the bonds of the flesh.
âExcerpt from LoveStarâs farewell address
on the launching of Pope Pius III
During the early years it made world headlines whenever anyone was fired with LoveDeath, and tourists and fans thronged to see the launch. But LoveDeath became so popular that the service improved, the cost came down, and the quality rose.
The old method cost a million points or even two and hadnât changed for sixty thousand years. It wasnât long before LoveDeath became competitively priced; it was no longer one thousand times more expensive than the old method but only one hundred times more expensive, until eventually it was only ten times more expensive and that was when its operations really began to expand at a furious rate. In the end LoveDeath cost less than sending four hundred pounds of fresh fish to Japan by airfreight.
Of course, LoveDeath didnât appeal to all target groups at first, but by the time LoveDeath had become cheaper than the old method and Larry LoveDeath was introduced, it was no longer a question of appeal. LoveDeath was more economical, and more beautiful, and children wouldnât hear of anything else. Big stars elevated themselves above the masses by being fired in fantastically expensive costumes of precious materials that burnt at different temperatures:
ORDER
Magnesium outer layer to burn with a white flame, then a yellow layer of a sulfur compound to burn with a reddish-yellow blaze, then a pale-green layer of copper sulfate to burn like green glitter, then underclothes of a compound 60 percent polyester and 40 percent cotton to burn like a rainbow, and finally the body itself in its naturally sun-white blaze until two silicon pads explode like fireworks.
â Order for Pam An who fell so memorably over Hollywood after dying during plastic surgery at only fifty-three years old â
Colorful LoveDeaths were fantastically expensive exceptions and no one failed to notice them. Most people had to be satisfied with the natural blaze.
You could say that Sigrid owed her life to LoveDeath. Her mother was a fifty-five-year-old rocket engineer and had provided Sigrid and her sister with a stylish, well-designed home. When she told her daughters about the early years of LoveDeath, she closed her eyes and spoke about the glow and the mood and the novelty. LoveDeath was like the herring boom, and everyone in her generation was affected by LoveDeath nostalgia and pioneering arrogance.
âYou might at least thank us. We were the ones who built all this up.â
There was some truth to this. When the expansion was at its height and LoveStar was asked how many of his countrymen were on his payroll, he answered: âI guess about half.â
Of course, the glow was greatest during
LoveDeath was initially the preserve of billionaires. In Hollywood LoveDeath was the next step when the plastic surgeon admitted defeat and said he couldnât correct the wrinkles, eye-bags, varicose veins, cellulite, and droopy breasts; it was all downhill from now on and this was the right moment: to have yourself fired to the climax of life, submit to LoveDeath. The ultimate way to burn fat.
Death is clean and LoveDeath is the purifying fire. Before becoming one with eternity you will burn up in the atmosphere. Then the spirit will be released from the bonds of the flesh.
âExcerpt from LoveStarâs farewell address
on the launching of Pope Pius III
During the early years it made world headlines whenever anyone was fired with LoveDeath, and tourists and fans thronged to see the launch. But LoveDeath became so popular that the service improved, the cost came down, and the quality rose.
The old method cost a million points or even two and hadnât changed for sixty thousand years. It wasnât long before LoveDeath became competitively priced; it was no longer one thousand times more expensive than the old method but only one hundred times more expensive, until eventually it was only ten times more expensive and that was when its operations really began to expand at a furious rate. In the end LoveDeath cost less than sending four hundred pounds of fresh fish to Japan by airfreight.
Of course, LoveDeath didnât appeal to all target groups at first, but by the time LoveDeath had become cheaper than the old method and Larry LoveDeath was introduced, it was no longer a question of appeal. LoveDeath was more economical, and more beautiful, and children wouldnât hear of anything else. Big stars elevated themselves above the masses by being fired in fantastically expensive costumes of precious materials that burnt at different temperatures:
ORDER
Magnesium outer layer to burn with a white flame, then a yellow layer of a sulfur compound to burn with a reddish-yellow blaze, then a pale-green layer of copper sulfate to burn like green glitter, then underclothes of a compound 60 percent polyester and 40 percent cotton to burn like a rainbow, and finally the body itself in its naturally sun-white blaze until two silicon pads explode like fireworks.
â Order for Pam An who fell so memorably over Hollywood after dying during plastic surgery at only fifty-three years old â
Colorful LoveDeaths were fantastically expensive exceptions and no one failed to notice them. Most people had to be satisfied with the natural blaze.
You could say that Sigrid owed her life to LoveDeath. Her mother was a fifty-five-year-old rocket engineer and had provided Sigrid and her sister with a stylish, well-designed home. When she told her daughters about the early years of LoveDeath, she closed her eyes and spoke about the glow and the mood and the novelty. LoveDeath was like the herring boom, and everyone in her generation was affected by LoveDeath nostalgia and pioneering arrogance.
âYou might at least thank us. We were the ones who built all this up.â
There was some truth to this. When the expansion was at its height and LoveStar was asked how many of his countrymen were on his payroll, he answered: âI guess about half.â
Of course, the glow was greatest during
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