there was something about Pan. Maybe she was attracted to his red hair, close to silvering, or his arms encased in thick black tattoos, but I think what drew her were the adventures he promised. I doubt she was naïve enough to believe they wouldnât also come with danger.
I awoke suddenly and steadied myself so as not to fall from my hammock. Around me I could hear the shallow snores of the other bois. I squinted into the darkness and made out three empty hammocks, the two newly prepared ones and Panâs. In the quiet, I could hear someone being flogged in the kitchen.
When a boi joins our ranks, Pan likes to spend private time getting to know them. That new boi time always makes me jealous. Iâm poly, so of course I donât mind him being withanother boi, but that special first night gets under my skin like a TB test, and I get all itchy and red. I was so riled, thinking about him being with that preppy boi. I didnât have to spend much time with John Michael to realize who she was; it was so obvious that she would never be part of our pack. For fuckâs sake, she walked into Neverland wearing a sports jersey. I didnât give a shit if she grew up in foster care, she had snitch written all over her. I donât trust easily. Itâs a fault, I suppose, except that Pan is usually the same. He never told me to act any different, and he appreciated how protective I was of Neverland; he called me his right-hand boi a couple of times, when the others werenât around. John Michael might have been able to take a good beating, or at least thatâs how it sounded, but I knew she wouldnât last. I just hoped Pan wouldnât let himself get too attached. He says he doesnât care when bois up and leave, but I know he does.
I forced myself back to sleep, fingering the cuff Iâd worn since the moment I became Panâs. It helped to keep me from crawling out of my hammock and wedging myself into the doorway to watch Panâs battle. Normally, he likes an audience to show off for, but for his first time with someone, he likes to give them privacy as they break. Pan likes to give a boi something special to remember him by.
Iâll never forget my first battle with Pan. It was terrifying, overwhelming, and confusing, and yet it was also everything Iâd ever wanted. Pan was wilder back then. When I first became his boi, he was flying on pixie dust every day. I didnât knowwhat hit me or what I was consenting to when he jumped me in. It was the hardest beating Iâve ever taken. I wouldnât even call it a true battle, it was so one-sided. I knew I needed to push myself because the stakes were so high. I knew if Pan wasnât impressed, I would be alone again. After that battle, I had to stay inside Neverland for a few days. Between the purple eye and the bruises that lined my arms, thighs, chest, back, and shins ⦠Well, basically everywhere on my body was bruised. That first night in my hammock, when Pan was done with me, when I knew I had pleased him, when I knew that I was to be his boi, I knew that, for the first time in my life, I was home. It was the best sleep Iâd ever had, even though it was impossible to get comfortable with all the cuts and bruises pressed against the ropes of the hammock.
The bois and I awoke to grimy sunlight fighting through the filthy warehouse windows. John Michael was snoring in her hammock, but Panâs was empty. Pan doesnât do mornings. I started sweating and couldnât catch my breath. I was worried that something bad had happened. Waking up alone, not knowing where I am, or not knowing where Pan is, always fills me with the kind of anxiety I canât deep-breathe my way out of. I needed him. Pan was usually pretty good about keeping his nose clean, but pixie dust was so easy to get, and it was always calling to him. It scared me because I knew how much he liked to fly with it. He said the temptation called to
I awoke suddenly and steadied myself so as not to fall from my hammock. Around me I could hear the shallow snores of the other bois. I squinted into the darkness and made out three empty hammocks, the two newly prepared ones and Panâs. In the quiet, I could hear someone being flogged in the kitchen.
When a boi joins our ranks, Pan likes to spend private time getting to know them. That new boi time always makes me jealous. Iâm poly, so of course I donât mind him being withanother boi, but that special first night gets under my skin like a TB test, and I get all itchy and red. I was so riled, thinking about him being with that preppy boi. I didnât have to spend much time with John Michael to realize who she was; it was so obvious that she would never be part of our pack. For fuckâs sake, she walked into Neverland wearing a sports jersey. I didnât give a shit if she grew up in foster care, she had snitch written all over her. I donât trust easily. Itâs a fault, I suppose, except that Pan is usually the same. He never told me to act any different, and he appreciated how protective I was of Neverland; he called me his right-hand boi a couple of times, when the others werenât around. John Michael might have been able to take a good beating, or at least thatâs how it sounded, but I knew she wouldnât last. I just hoped Pan wouldnât let himself get too attached. He says he doesnât care when bois up and leave, but I know he does.
I forced myself back to sleep, fingering the cuff Iâd worn since the moment I became Panâs. It helped to keep me from crawling out of my hammock and wedging myself into the doorway to watch Panâs battle. Normally, he likes an audience to show off for, but for his first time with someone, he likes to give them privacy as they break. Pan likes to give a boi something special to remember him by.
Iâll never forget my first battle with Pan. It was terrifying, overwhelming, and confusing, and yet it was also everything Iâd ever wanted. Pan was wilder back then. When I first became his boi, he was flying on pixie dust every day. I didnât knowwhat hit me or what I was consenting to when he jumped me in. It was the hardest beating Iâve ever taken. I wouldnât even call it a true battle, it was so one-sided. I knew I needed to push myself because the stakes were so high. I knew if Pan wasnât impressed, I would be alone again. After that battle, I had to stay inside Neverland for a few days. Between the purple eye and the bruises that lined my arms, thighs, chest, back, and shins ⦠Well, basically everywhere on my body was bruised. That first night in my hammock, when Pan was done with me, when I knew I had pleased him, when I knew that I was to be his boi, I knew that, for the first time in my life, I was home. It was the best sleep Iâd ever had, even though it was impossible to get comfortable with all the cuts and bruises pressed against the ropes of the hammock.
The bois and I awoke to grimy sunlight fighting through the filthy warehouse windows. John Michael was snoring in her hammock, but Panâs was empty. Pan doesnât do mornings. I started sweating and couldnât catch my breath. I was worried that something bad had happened. Waking up alone, not knowing where I am, or not knowing where Pan is, always fills me with the kind of anxiety I canât deep-breathe my way out of. I needed him. Pan was usually pretty good about keeping his nose clean, but pixie dust was so easy to get, and it was always calling to him. It scared me because I knew how much he liked to fly with it. He said the temptation called to
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