Read Online Looking for Alex by Marian Dillon - Free Book Online Page B

what they all say?’, and so on.
    ‘Phil wants me to go to Ireland.’ She looked puzzled. ‘I mean to live, not on holiday.’
    ‘Oh. But I thought—’
    ‘His old head of department has this graphic design business. He needs another pair of hands and sounded Phil out about joining him. Only problem is he lives somewhere near Waterford. Phil’s been thinking about it for ages, and I think he’s going to do it. He wants me to go with him.’
    ‘Golly. Well, I guess that demonstrates he’s not just stringing you along.’ She peered at me. ‘What about you?’
    ‘I don’t know. I’ve told him I don’t know.’
    *
    We’d gone to the common, to walk his dog. We did this as often as we thought we’d get away with, at weekends, Phil bundling Juno into the car and picking me up near to where I lived. Coming to my house was more risky, although we managed it sometimes, because as luck would have it two of my neighbours knew Sue and Phil; their children were friends with Lauren and Emma. ‘I don’t want to go to Ireland on my own,’ he’d said that day. He’d crouched down to take Juno off the lead and was looking up at me, his keen blue eyes fixed on mine. ‘I want you with me.’
    I remember I flinched, a little, and I knew he saw that. Still, he waited for a more considered reaction.
    I liked Phil: he was tall and fair and solid, with a face that, despite the lines and creases of age and experience, was somehow uncomplicated. When he smiled it was without reservation, and that was how he lived his life, open to anyone and anything.
    ‘I love you,’ he said.
    ‘I know,’ I said, frowning, ‘that’s—’
    ‘The problem?’ he finished for me. ‘You’re not sure, are you?’
    I sighed. Things had suddenly grown serious. We were on the edge of the pitches where a few loosely teamed footballers limbered up in a cold November wind. A couple of runners passed, chatting easily, making their effort look effortless. Kids shouted and laughed in the fenced-off playground, while dads on duty stamped their feet, clutching newspapers with one hand and pushing swings or holding balancing hands with the other. There was no one there we knew and we felt ourselves safe, private in the middle of this big open space. As Juno shot off across the muddy grass Phil drew me close.
    ‘We could make it work,’ he said. ‘Think about it.’
    *
    Linda said, ‘Well, I guess you know where you are now. But what do you want?’
    ‘I don’t know. I thought we were just going to bob along like this, and that one day he’d leave Sue and by then we’d be like an old couple ourselves. I don’t know about Ireland. Not
now
.’
    ‘No. I can see that.’
    ‘I suppose I like things as they are.’ I glanced at Linda. ‘Bit selfish really. I’ve got the best of both worlds, and it works. For me, anyway. I don’t want anything so absolute, but then I might lose everything.’
    We heard people outside. Linda stood up. ‘They’ll be coming in soon. Let’s have a drink after work next time I’m down.’
    ‘You don’t need someone else crying on your shoulder,’ I said, but she told me not to be bloody stupid and went to greet the first arrivals.
    *
    The little blue circle spun round and round on my laptop, searching for the website that Dan had found. I kicked off my shoes and stretched out on the hotel bed, leaning back against the plump pillows. My feet ached and I needed to shower, but not before I’d followed up the link he’d texted. There’d been no time for even a peep during the day.
    When the page finally loaded I found I was looking at the website of a complementary medicine service, Castle Therapy Centre. It was in Norwich. Curious, I clicked on the ‘find a therapist’ tab and there the name was. Alex Day, Psychotherapist and Counsellor.
    My aim is to help my clients to discover their potential, to help them to realise it, and to move forward into living the lives they want to live.
    There was an account of