Read Online Happily Ever After: The Life-Changing Power of a Grateful Heart by Trista Sutter - Free Book Online
Authors: Trista Sutter
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a happy camper. On the flip side, if we wake up to a fresh-powder day in the winter, or a cool day full of sunshine in the summer, I practically shove Ryan out the door with his snowboard or mountain bike. Without that time to enjoy his passions, he would not be the man I fell in love with, and I want that man around for a really, really long time.
Part of a healthy relationship is not just creating time with each other, but creating time for each other. It’s making surethat your partner nourishes the hobbies and passions and interests that make up the person he or she fell in love with, and vice versa. Not only is it a way of keeping resentment at a minimum, but by encouraging your partner to do what he loves, you are saying: I love you. I appreciate you. I am grateful for you.
There are few better feelings than those.
H APPY L IFE , H APPY W IFE . . . AND P ARTNER
In a study published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2012, Amie Gordon and her colleagues found that people who feel more appreciated by their romantic partners report being more appreciative of their partners.
Here’s what their results revealed: When you are feeling the most grateful for your significant other, you are more committed to making your relationship last. When you are more committed to making your relationship last, you are more responsive to the needs of the one you love and become a better and more caring listener. When you are a better and more caring listener, your partner feels more appreciated by you. When your partner feels more appreciated by you, they feel more grateful for you—and the cycle begins again. As Gordon said, “By promoting a cycle of generosity, gratitude can actually help relationships thrive.”
But not only can gratitude help those in the midst of good times get to better times, it can help those in an otherwise healthy relationship experiencing tough times breeze past them.
According to researchers at the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, “When we hit arocky patch, this research suggests, it’s the upward spiral of gratitude that encourages us to risk vulnerability, tune into our partner’s needs, and resolve the conflict, rather than turning away from him or her.” It builds security and helps partners recognize the true value of their relationship.
To keep your relationship going strong, I suggest taking a note from my friend Erik Williams. With a marriage that is flourishing, he had this to say about the anniversary of his first date with Kim, now his wife:
Eleven years ago today, after weeks of shameless begging, this hot young thing agreed to go on a date with me. To show her how Colorado cool I was, I took her fly-fishing for her first time. No fish . . . strike 1. She falls in and soaks the waders . . . strike 2. We go back to my apartment, where I cook her a fish dinner and burn it beyond recognition . . . strike 3.
I remember that moment where everything had gone wrong: we sat at my kitchen table, and I was simply mesmerized by her. I kept thinking I was blessed among all men for being in that spot.
Flash forward to last night: same girl, different table. This time there was more than charred cod between us. Three kids, two dogs, houses, cars, mortgages, jobs, grey hairs and so much life packed into those years. One of the best parts about my life is that I’m still mesmerized when I look across the table.
I will love this girl every day of my life—and be grateful for the opportunity.
Based on this new research, I have a feeling that as long as Erik holds on to that gratitude, and he and Kim continue topass it back and forth between them, the cycle of happiness will last much longer than the decade-plus they have been married. And if my son, Max, has his way, he’s going to marry Bella, their sweet daughter. Erik isn’t so crazy about envisioning his six-year-old walking down the aisle just yet, but if Max keeps his sights set on
Part of a healthy relationship is not just creating time with each other, but creating time for each other. It’s making surethat your partner nourishes the hobbies and passions and interests that make up the person he or she fell in love with, and vice versa. Not only is it a way of keeping resentment at a minimum, but by encouraging your partner to do what he loves, you are saying: I love you. I appreciate you. I am grateful for you.
There are few better feelings than those.
H APPY L IFE , H APPY W IFE . . . AND P ARTNER
In a study published by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2012, Amie Gordon and her colleagues found that people who feel more appreciated by their romantic partners report being more appreciative of their partners.
Here’s what their results revealed: When you are feeling the most grateful for your significant other, you are more committed to making your relationship last. When you are more committed to making your relationship last, you are more responsive to the needs of the one you love and become a better and more caring listener. When you are a better and more caring listener, your partner feels more appreciated by you. When your partner feels more appreciated by you, they feel more grateful for you—and the cycle begins again. As Gordon said, “By promoting a cycle of generosity, gratitude can actually help relationships thrive.”
But not only can gratitude help those in the midst of good times get to better times, it can help those in an otherwise healthy relationship experiencing tough times breeze past them.
According to researchers at the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, “When we hit arocky patch, this research suggests, it’s the upward spiral of gratitude that encourages us to risk vulnerability, tune into our partner’s needs, and resolve the conflict, rather than turning away from him or her.” It builds security and helps partners recognize the true value of their relationship.
To keep your relationship going strong, I suggest taking a note from my friend Erik Williams. With a marriage that is flourishing, he had this to say about the anniversary of his first date with Kim, now his wife:
Eleven years ago today, after weeks of shameless begging, this hot young thing agreed to go on a date with me. To show her how Colorado cool I was, I took her fly-fishing for her first time. No fish . . . strike 1. She falls in and soaks the waders . . . strike 2. We go back to my apartment, where I cook her a fish dinner and burn it beyond recognition . . . strike 3.
I remember that moment where everything had gone wrong: we sat at my kitchen table, and I was simply mesmerized by her. I kept thinking I was blessed among all men for being in that spot.
Flash forward to last night: same girl, different table. This time there was more than charred cod between us. Three kids, two dogs, houses, cars, mortgages, jobs, grey hairs and so much life packed into those years. One of the best parts about my life is that I’m still mesmerized when I look across the table.
I will love this girl every day of my life—and be grateful for the opportunity.
Based on this new research, I have a feeling that as long as Erik holds on to that gratitude, and he and Kim continue topass it back and forth between them, the cycle of happiness will last much longer than the decade-plus they have been married. And if my son, Max, has his way, he’s going to marry Bella, their sweet daughter. Erik isn’t so crazy about envisioning his six-year-old walking down the aisle just yet, but if Max keeps his sights set on
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