Read Online Looking for Alex by Marian Dillon - Free Book Online

mastermind!’
    I picture the rest of her family. Her mother, petite like Alex. And her brother, David. Fair, chunky.
    ‘But…he is David’s dad?’
    ‘There’s no mistaking that little blood bond, is there?’
    ‘And—’ I want to be really clear now ‘—your mum’s your mum. I mean, you’re not adopted?’
    ‘You got it.’
    ‘So…’
    ‘So who is my dad? Good question. I’ve never met him.’
    ‘Never? You don’t know him?’
    ‘Beth, if I did, and if I thought he was halfway interested in me, I’d have been out of that house a long time before this. All my mother’s ever told me is that he left when I was six months old and she’s no idea where he is.’
    ‘Christ! Could you find out? Don’t you know his name?’
    ‘Yes, I know, but I’m not bothered. Why go looking for him now? Greg’s been a shit stepdad, and I guess my dad’s a shit dad. He left us to fend for ourselves, Mum told me, living in a crappy little flat that was always freezing in winter. He never sent us any money.’
    ‘Bloody hell.’
    I stand up, step off the marshmallow mattress and cross over to the window. It looks down onto the garden at the back. From here you can see those on either side. One is bare and functional, with a rough patch of grass littered with children’s toys; the other is completely overgrown. The richness of Fitz’s garden seems even more miraculous.
    I whirl round; Alex is fiddling with the tie on her wrap, winding it round and round one finger. ‘Why did you never tell me?’
    She looks surprised. ‘Because when I came to your house I could forget it all. Your family is so…normal. I just wanted to be part of it. I didn’t want to spoil things by going on about mine.’
    It’s probably the first time ever that I’ve seen my life through someone else’s eyes and now I wish I’d had the imagination to picture Alex’s more clearly.
    ‘What did you mean, Greg’s been a shit stepdad?’
    She shrugs. ‘Greg’s a bully, I’ve told you. You never saw because he made sure not to do it in front of people. He used to get mad at something I’d done — like leaving butter out instead of putting it in the fridge, you know, really bad stuff — then he’d rant and rave and tell me what a useless piece of shit I am.’
    ‘Jesus, Alex.’
    ‘And if he wasn’t bullying me he was ignoring me, and then my mum had to choose whether to talk to me and if she did she’d get the silent treatment as well.’
    Fitz’s music stops. Somewhere outside a solitary bird sings, echoed by another, further away.
    ‘What about David?’
    ‘David can’t put a foot wrong. David’s his and I’m the cuckoo in the nest, aren’t I?’
    I walk back over to the bed and flop down next to Alex. I take hold of one of her hands, gripping it tightly. ‘I feel so bad.’
    She wrinkles her nose. ‘Why?’
    ‘That all that was going on and I didn’t know!’
    ‘How could you have known?’
    ‘You should have told me, Alex. I can’t believe you didn’t.’
    ‘Well…I nearly did, once or twice, but it was hard to know where to start.’ She stares at me, thinking. ‘If I’m really honest, I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to see me any different from to anyone else.’
    ‘Alex,’ I say, ‘you’ve always been different from to everyone else.’
    She grins. ‘Fuck off!’ But I can see she knows I mean in a good way. ‘Anyway, one day he hit me when Mum wasn’t around and after that I just had to get out.’
    ‘So how—?’
    I was going to ask about Pete, and how she’d met him, but there’s a knock at the door and his voice outside.
    ‘Alex?’
    She looks at me and I nod. ‘You can come in,’ she calls, slipping her hand out of mine.
    He pushes the door open and stands leaning against the frame. He has on the same patched jeans, with a black T-shirt and paisley waistcoat. His hair is greasy, tied back in a ponytail with a rubber-band.
    ‘We have somewhere to go today.