Read Online Lingering Echoes by Erica Kiefer - Free Book Online Page B

shame, sorrow, love—until the floodgates were lifted, and I released them all on Damien.
    At last, my cries subdued. All that was left was an occasional shuddering breath as I inhaled. Damien stroked my hair, his fingers brushing across the side of my face. I felt safe in his arms.
    But tired. I was so tired.
    He didn’t move when I spoke again, my voice low and calm.
    “I should have drowned, too. But someone saved me that day.” My eyes met his with bewilderment. “Pulled me right out of the water. I don’t remember much after that. I awoke in the hospital. My dad and sisters were there, and Aunt Heidi. I couldn’t look at her, couldn’t tell any of them what exactly happened, but of course, they knew. They found Maddie’s body the next morning.”
    Sitting up , I rubbed my face and my burning eyes. Embarrassed, I focused on the puddle of tears that had absorbed into his shirt.
    “I’m sorry that happened to you. Nobody should have to lose family like that,” Damien said.
    Silence carried us a minute more. My thoughts seemed to etch visibly in my face. With uncanny understanding, Damien concluded, “You think it’s your fault.”
    Slowly, I nodded my head. “Everyone says it’s not—that it was just a bad combination of an early spring and the rain that made the river run so fast that day. Everyone tried to tell me it was just an accident. And, of course, it was—just an accident. But it could have been prevented. I was supposed to be looking out for her. I should have stopped her, or at least saved her like I could have.” I muttered the last words, looking down at my fingertips.
    “You ever talk to anybody about it?” Damien asked .
    I jerked my head up. “ What, like a shrink?” I was more than a little offended at his words. My mom had hinted in the past that I go see somebody. My unwillingness to talk about the “incident” had her worried—it had everybody worried. I clammed up anytime they tried to pry into the details of that day. What else did they need to know? Maddie fell in and I couldn’t save her. There was nothing more to it. And I didn’t need anybody playing the sympathy card with me, or trying to get into my head, including the relentless school counselor.
    Damien remained calm at the sudden flare in my eyes. “I didn’t mean a psychiatrist or anything. I just meant your family. Or friends.”
    “No. I didn’t see what good it would do. Only one thing seemed to help me, at least temporarily.”
    “What was that ?”
    “Running.” I thought back to my senior year and the blur that became its memory. “Back in Portland, that’s all I did. I was supposed to return to the varsity basketball team. We were expected to have a great season that year. And they still did, but without me. I just didn’t care about it anymore. It all seemed so trivial. All the practice and emotional investment over winning or losing a game—who cares, you know? None of that matters.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s just high school, right? One necessary, tedious step towards college.”
    “That’s one way of looking at it, I sup pose.” Damien was careful with his answer. He seemed hesitant to say everything that was on his mind. It was just as well. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it, especially if it sounded anything like what my parents and school counselors tried lecturing me about.
    “ What is it about running you like so much?” he asked, after my silence.
    I let out a sigh, reflecting on the sound of my sneakers pounding against the pavement, the wave of trees rushing by as I moved along the dirt trail, the fleeting ability to shut my mind off from relentless memories...
    “It’s peacef ul,” I answered. “I could just be myself without having to worry about being analyzed by all the curious faces around me. No probing eyes or listening ears trying to figure out if I was “ok” or not. No forced conversation. And it helped me sleep.”
    I met Damien’s pensive gaze. He