Read Online Light in the Shadows by A. Meredith Walters - Free Book Online
Authors: A. Meredith Walters
Tags: english eBooks
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overcome with some seriously intense déjà vu. This whole thing was wrong.
Jake was sat in exactly the same spot that had been Clay’s. He was laughing with my friends and taking bits of my lunch in a way that should have been reserved for Clay. I started to feel irrationally angry about that. I didn’t want Jake Fitzsimmons sitting there, in a seat meant for someone else.
What had I just thought about moving on? Because right now, my body, my mind and my heart wasn’t moving past the fact that the wrong guy sat beside me. I got to my feet without a word. I dumped my food unceremoniously onto Jake’s tray. “If you’re so damn hungry, just have it all,” I barked. Rachel and Danny, who had been in the middle of telling Jake about a movie they had seen, became instantly quiet.
Jake’s mouth hung open in shock and he looked at me with hurt evident on his face. And that made me feel even worse. “Sorry,” I mumbled and then walked away as fast I could without actually running.
Of course Rachel followed me. “Mags! Wait up!” she called out as I tried to make my escape. There would be no getting away from her, so I stopped and let her catch up, resigning myself to a round of “what’s wrong?”
But I should have known that Rachel would understand exactly what I needed. Because she didn’t ask me anything. “Let’s go to the library and study for that Chem pop quiz you know we’re going to have,” she said, pulling on my arm.
I looked down at the petite girl and wanted to hug her. And I would have, if that were my thing. But since it wasn’t, I just let her pull me down the hallway. And like that, my fantastic friend pushed me straight into that normal I was desperate to have.
***
Though once the floodgates were opened, it was pretty hard to shut them again. Clay’s memory taunted me all day long. Who was I kidding? Even as I tried so hard to get on with things, he was always there waiting to yank me back again. The ghost of him was almost more dangerous than the real thing.
After school I rushed home, giving my friends an excuse of a headache. They hadn’t questioned me, even as I knew they saw straight through my bullshit. Luckily my parents hadn’t gotten home from work yet, so pretending I was fine wasn’t necessary.
I dropped my book bag on the couch and headed upstairs to my room, taking two steps at a time. Once there, I closed my door behind me and fell onto my bed. I was tired. Bone aching, gut wrenching tired. I stared at the ceiling and wished for the millionth time that I could talk to Clay. I just wanted to know that he was all right. I wanted to hear his voice saying my name like it was the air he breathed.
Which was so beyond stupid. He had left me behind. Had sent me that stupid letter telling me to move the fuck on. To get on with my life, as if forgetting about what he and I had been through was an easy thing to do. Maybe it had been for him. Not for the first time, I wondered if I had loved my sad, broken boy more than he was capable of loving me.
Without thinking about what I was doing I slid off my bed and got on my hands and knees to root under my bed. Finding what I was looking for, I pulled it out. The heavy package wrapped in newspaper. I didn’t do fancy gift wrap. What was the point when it would be ripped apart?
Why was I hanging onto this thing? I had gotten the gift in the first week after losing Clay. I had been desperate to do
Jake was sat in exactly the same spot that had been Clay’s. He was laughing with my friends and taking bits of my lunch in a way that should have been reserved for Clay. I started to feel irrationally angry about that. I didn’t want Jake Fitzsimmons sitting there, in a seat meant for someone else.
What had I just thought about moving on? Because right now, my body, my mind and my heart wasn’t moving past the fact that the wrong guy sat beside me. I got to my feet without a word. I dumped my food unceremoniously onto Jake’s tray. “If you’re so damn hungry, just have it all,” I barked. Rachel and Danny, who had been in the middle of telling Jake about a movie they had seen, became instantly quiet.
Jake’s mouth hung open in shock and he looked at me with hurt evident on his face. And that made me feel even worse. “Sorry,” I mumbled and then walked away as fast I could without actually running.
Of course Rachel followed me. “Mags! Wait up!” she called out as I tried to make my escape. There would be no getting away from her, so I stopped and let her catch up, resigning myself to a round of “what’s wrong?”
But I should have known that Rachel would understand exactly what I needed. Because she didn’t ask me anything. “Let’s go to the library and study for that Chem pop quiz you know we’re going to have,” she said, pulling on my arm.
I looked down at the petite girl and wanted to hug her. And I would have, if that were my thing. But since it wasn’t, I just let her pull me down the hallway. And like that, my fantastic friend pushed me straight into that normal I was desperate to have.
***
Though once the floodgates were opened, it was pretty hard to shut them again. Clay’s memory taunted me all day long. Who was I kidding? Even as I tried so hard to get on with things, he was always there waiting to yank me back again. The ghost of him was almost more dangerous than the real thing.
After school I rushed home, giving my friends an excuse of a headache. They hadn’t questioned me, even as I knew they saw straight through my bullshit. Luckily my parents hadn’t gotten home from work yet, so pretending I was fine wasn’t necessary.
I dropped my book bag on the couch and headed upstairs to my room, taking two steps at a time. Once there, I closed my door behind me and fell onto my bed. I was tired. Bone aching, gut wrenching tired. I stared at the ceiling and wished for the millionth time that I could talk to Clay. I just wanted to know that he was all right. I wanted to hear his voice saying my name like it was the air he breathed.
Which was so beyond stupid. He had left me behind. Had sent me that stupid letter telling me to move the fuck on. To get on with my life, as if forgetting about what he and I had been through was an easy thing to do. Maybe it had been for him. Not for the first time, I wondered if I had loved my sad, broken boy more than he was capable of loving me.
Without thinking about what I was doing I slid off my bed and got on my hands and knees to root under my bed. Finding what I was looking for, I pulled it out. The heavy package wrapped in newspaper. I didn’t do fancy gift wrap. What was the point when it would be ripped apart?
Why was I hanging onto this thing? I had gotten the gift in the first week after losing Clay. I had been desperate to do
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