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Authors: Nick Spalding
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clocks tell us and spend the day in honest work, revolving around eating, fucking and raising our young.
These things are important. These things keep the human race functioning.
Spending your entire day thinking up new and exciting ways to sell expensive aftershave in funny shaped bottles to over-achieving twenty five year old men isn’t .
The world isn’t going to fall apart if we’re not walking around smelling of African Musk or Cool Breeze, is it?
Is your job important?
Let’s work it out:
In your line of work do you help to save the lives of others? Do you supply necessary and vital equipment or items? Do you help provide detailed and accurate information which aids your fellow man?
No?
Then your job isn’t important and is the kind robots will be doing soon.
Please don’t let it get you down - not for a second. After all, you’re not the only one.
I’m certainly the same as you and look forward to the day when the BRUCE 5 Marketing Copy Robot - serial Number 6575-111# - takes over and makes me obsolete.
Then I can swan around Moroccan bazaars, chatting up the local girls and contemplate the nature of man’s existence with a bottle of Jack Daniels by my side.
…I have a feeling the Hemingway references are doing me absolutely no favours.
Never mind, give it ten years and most of the classics will have been re-written by the ERNEST 12 Literary Genius Robot - serial Number 6575-7774#.
Does your job involve meetings? If so, I feel sorry for you and can whole-heartedly sympathise.
My life is a constant stream of one meeting after another, with clients and portly company chief executives.
They read everything you put in front of them with a look like they’re sucking a large and bitter lemon, and all think being rich and portly means they have something valuable to contribute to the writing of promotional copy.
They're all dead wrong.
The amount of arguments I’ve had with the egotistical money-bags - who feel the word smelltastic should replace aromatic in my description of a cooking sauce - is ever increasing and ever more annoying.
I even have meetings about having meetings…
There was one occasion where I was called in for a meeting to decide what we would say to an important client at a second meeting - at which we would be preparing the agenda for a further meeting with the client’s board of directors.
In essence: a meeting about a meeting about a meeting .
If I’m not having meetings, I’m attending conferences or workshops on how to run a business. You know, the type of thing that was invented in California twenty years ago and has insinuated itself on the rest of us in the intervening decades.
It’s a miracle I ever get any work done.
There’s one phrase that fills me with an irrational desire to twist the heads off human beings:
‘There’s no I in team!’
The classic phrase - invented by Californians - to denote the concept that everyone is working together towards a glorious outcome. One that will make us all rich and universally adored.
I hate it.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
There’s no I in team, but I think you’ll find there are five A's in ‘ you’re a Californian twat, pal’.
It’s the most idiotic, shallow and above all untruthful phrase ever invented.
It completely ignores human nature and the most fundamental aspects of our social personality.
We’re not built to work in teams and forget our own needs for the greater good. We’re built to strive as individuals. It’s hard-wired into our brains and no amount of positive thinking blather will ever change that.
It’s also an insidious piece of propaganda, designed to make the ordinary folk think they’re benefiting - when all they’re doing is stressing themselves out and lining the pockets of senior management.
Every year, thousands of reticent workers are forced to engage in team building exercises meant to promote a feeling of fellowship.
Never mind that Claire from
These things are important. These things keep the human race functioning.
Spending your entire day thinking up new and exciting ways to sell expensive aftershave in funny shaped bottles to over-achieving twenty five year old men isn’t .
The world isn’t going to fall apart if we’re not walking around smelling of African Musk or Cool Breeze, is it?
Is your job important?
Let’s work it out:
In your line of work do you help to save the lives of others? Do you supply necessary and vital equipment or items? Do you help provide detailed and accurate information which aids your fellow man?
No?
Then your job isn’t important and is the kind robots will be doing soon.
Please don’t let it get you down - not for a second. After all, you’re not the only one.
I’m certainly the same as you and look forward to the day when the BRUCE 5 Marketing Copy Robot - serial Number 6575-111# - takes over and makes me obsolete.
Then I can swan around Moroccan bazaars, chatting up the local girls and contemplate the nature of man’s existence with a bottle of Jack Daniels by my side.
…I have a feeling the Hemingway references are doing me absolutely no favours.
Never mind, give it ten years and most of the classics will have been re-written by the ERNEST 12 Literary Genius Robot - serial Number 6575-7774#.
Does your job involve meetings? If so, I feel sorry for you and can whole-heartedly sympathise.
My life is a constant stream of one meeting after another, with clients and portly company chief executives.
They read everything you put in front of them with a look like they’re sucking a large and bitter lemon, and all think being rich and portly means they have something valuable to contribute to the writing of promotional copy.
They're all dead wrong.
The amount of arguments I’ve had with the egotistical money-bags - who feel the word smelltastic should replace aromatic in my description of a cooking sauce - is ever increasing and ever more annoying.
I even have meetings about having meetings…
There was one occasion where I was called in for a meeting to decide what we would say to an important client at a second meeting - at which we would be preparing the agenda for a further meeting with the client’s board of directors.
In essence: a meeting about a meeting about a meeting .
If I’m not having meetings, I’m attending conferences or workshops on how to run a business. You know, the type of thing that was invented in California twenty years ago and has insinuated itself on the rest of us in the intervening decades.
It’s a miracle I ever get any work done.
There’s one phrase that fills me with an irrational desire to twist the heads off human beings:
‘There’s no I in team!’
The classic phrase - invented by Californians - to denote the concept that everyone is working together towards a glorious outcome. One that will make us all rich and universally adored.
I hate it.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.
There’s no I in team, but I think you’ll find there are five A's in ‘ you’re a Californian twat, pal’.
It’s the most idiotic, shallow and above all untruthful phrase ever invented.
It completely ignores human nature and the most fundamental aspects of our social personality.
We’re not built to work in teams and forget our own needs for the greater good. We’re built to strive as individuals. It’s hard-wired into our brains and no amount of positive thinking blather will ever change that.
It’s also an insidious piece of propaganda, designed to make the ordinary folk think they’re benefiting - when all they’re doing is stressing themselves out and lining the pockets of senior management.
Every year, thousands of reticent workers are forced to engage in team building exercises meant to promote a feeling of fellowship.
Never mind that Claire from
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