Read Online Life on the Level by Zoraida Cordova - Free Book Online

this is that I can’t run from my thoughts. Thoughts stay with you. They pop up, unwanted, and run laps around you.
    When I get to the barn, I hang back a little bit. The grass grows tall up here. It’s dry and tangled. I walk around the perimeter a bit and notice a worn trail.
    Then the door flies open, and I throw myself into the grass. It pricks my skin, but I don’t know if I’m supposed to be up here.
    I hear a male voice talking on the phone, but a wind blows and cuts out his words.
    “I’ve got it, all right? Last night was a great turnout, promise. It’s at the pick up. Nope… Yep… I told you, you don’t have to worry.”
    The voice sounds familiar. Male. Young. Perhaps one of the guys from group. I don’t dare stand up and finish my run. I’ll stay put until I’ve made sure he’s gone.
    “I need to get back.” That’s the end of the call. I hear the rumble of an engine starting up, and wheels on gravel. Dust billows high into the air as he drives away.
    Now I know where everyone was sneaking off to last night. I sit up and pull the hay out of my hair. I finish my run (though by now it’s mostly walking) back to HCRC. And for the first time since I got here, I wish I had someone to talk to.
    • • •
    “How was your run today?” Ransom asks me.
    “Painful.” I lean my head back in the chair. My muscles ache fiercely. “You know, I’m not really the outdoors type.”
    He laughs in that high-pitched way of his, surprising for someone so big. “This isn’t a spa.”
    “There’s still time,” I say.
    “Tell me. What did you think about while you were out there?”
    “I don’t know.”
    He stares at me for a bit. “I always replay the old days when I run. What about you?”
    I look at my lap. I decide to tell him about running from the bookie.
    “I can’t lie. I’ve been in similar situations. Though, I’d never bet on the Mets.”
    For the first time during our sessions, I really laugh.
    “When did your father pass?”
    The question throws me off. I knew talking about my dad would come up eventually. I’m surprised Steven’s waited so long. I’m a walking case study of the Electra complex. At least that’s what Sky told me once. At first I thought she was talking about the shitty movie.
    “A little over a year ago,” I tell him.
    “Is that when you first decided to change your life?”
    “That’s a funny way of putting it. Change your life.”
    “What would you call it?”
    I shrug one shoulder. “I still worked at a bar. I just decided to drink a little less. I stopped going to games.” I grab the book on the table beside me and thumb through the pages. The pages are thicker than a normal book’s, so it almost sounds like a deck of cards. The sound soothes me.
    “I’d say that’s a change.”
    “Okay.” I don’t want to talk about my dad anymore. “Hey, what’s that barn down the road?”
    Ransom looks confused. “You must’ve run quite a bit.”
    “You can tell that to my leg muscles tomorrow.”
    “There are a few abandoned barns around here. I remember the first time I came out here. I didn’t know the difference between a farmer and a rancher.”
    “Do you miss the city?”
    “Sometimes,” he says. “Do you?”
    He’s good at bringing the conversation back to me.
    “I miss the noise. I miss real people.”
    “What makes you think the people here aren’t real?”
    I hold my arm out and point at the door. “Come on. You see them. They act like there’s nothing wrong with them. Fucking Pete’s back here because he’s afraid of the world. It’s like they’re hiding.”
    He’s silent, and I’m afraid I’ve offended him. “Do you think you’re a real person?”
    “I’m not lying to myself by thinking I’m okay. Sometimes I don’t think I belong here. I know I’ve fucked up, but it can’t be as bad as these people. I’ve never put someone in the hospital or abandoned my kids.”
    “What have you done?”
    I shut my eyes and try to