Read Online Lessons of the Heart by Jodie Larson - Free Book Online Page B

too.
    A noise down the hall startles me so I push James away roughly, breaking our kiss. We’re both panting and breathless, our lips swollen and red. The buzzing in my body hasn’t decreased any with the distance between us.
    Shame and disappointment fill me slowly, making me wish I hadn’t been playing my game earlier with him. This was my fault again, leading him on and pressing his buttons to get a reaction. I should know better than this.
    “I’m sorry,” I whisper, trying to regain control of my body and mind.
    James’s head snaps up, his eyes narrowing slightly. “Why are you sorry?”
    “We shouldn’t have done that. It was wrong.” I take a calming breath and swallow past the lump in my throat. “You’re right. I was trying to push you. I wanted to know if you felt even an iota of what I feel towards you. But I know that’s stupid because we can’t do anything about it. You made that clear to me in your office and I ignored your wishes.”
    His eyes darken with something other than anger. “You’re right. We can’t do anything about it. The attraction we feel is too strong.”
    I shake my head. “It can’t be. We’ve known each other for a week.”
    “And a half,” he adds.
    “Regardless, it’s too short a time to even do anything like this. Breaking rules and going against our better judgment? It’s not safe. It’s reckless and dangerous and-”
    He halts my thoughts with a raised hand. “You wondered if I felt the same as you. I’m telling you right now that your feelings are reciprocated in full force. And what I said is also true, that we can’t be together. It’s dangerous, not only for me but for you too.” He looks down at his shoes briefly. “However, you can’t deny that there isn’t something between us either. Don’t sweep this under the rug and pretend it didn’t happen. You want it as much as I do.”
    I nod, still unable to meet his eyes. “So now what? Our previous plan didn’t work out so hot for us. Maybe we should just ignore it.”
    He runs both hands through his hair and blows out a breath. “Ignoring it won’t help. It will only drive us mad. What we do is just try to control ourselves. You said before that you have casual relationships with other teachers, right?”
    I nod again, wrapping my arms around my middle.
    “Look at me,” he asks quietly. I bring my eyes to his and see that they’ve softened now.
    “You have such beautiful hazel eyes. It kills me that I’ve diminished their light tonight.”
    “You didn’t.”
    “Yes, I did. They were bright before but now they’re sad.”
    “If they were bright before, it was because of you. You brighten my day every time I see you. This crush I have for you is like nothing I’ve had before,” I say quietly. “I don’t know if we can attempt a casual friendship.”
    James props his foot up against the wall. “We need to try. The one hour per day I see you is no longer enough for me. I need to know you, and more than just your knowledge of geography.”
    “But shouldn’t we wait until after the trimester? I mean, with you being my teacher won’t it look wrong?”
    He contemplates this for a minute and nods in agreement. “You’re right. So while you’re in my class, we’ll just have to contain ourselves. Accidental meetings, staged events, those types of things would be best for now.”
    “Staged events?”
    “Events where we know both of us will be there so we make it a point to see each other. Sporting events, school functions, things like that. And you shouldn’t be afraid to approach me in the hallway just to say hi either. Lots of kids talk to me about random things between classes so you shouldn’t be any different.”
    “I don’t know about this James. It seems like we’re sneaking around.”
    “But we’re not. We’re just two people who want to get to know each other.”
    “And the attraction?” I ask, biting my lip.
    His eyes flash again. “Please stop doing that. It’s