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Authors: Mark Fainaru-Wada
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, for example. Profanity was allowed. Some players called it the“Fuck Ass Shit Test.”
Before his concussion, Hoge listed 43 words in 60 seconds. After: 21.
Hoge then took the Trail Making Test, a measure of mental flexibility in which he was asked to connect a set of 25 dots as quickly as possible. He couldn’t complete it.
Lovell showed the results to Maroon. Theneurosurgeon was shaken. It was as if Hoge had run his car into a wall at high speed. Maroon’s first thought was: “I don’t want anybody to die following a football game on my watch.”
He summoned Hoge to Allegheny General. Maroon’s office was packed with Steelers memorabilia, plastic brains, neurological textbooks, and dozens of papers Maroon had written on brain science.
He laid it out bluntly: “You do this to your brain again, I can’t help you. Whatever happens, it’s done, it’s final, it’s finished. If you drool or you can’t speak or you can’t function, I can’t do anything about that. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I allowed you to play again.”
“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Maroon asked.
Hoge did. More than anyone, he was painfully aware of how hurt he was. The inside of his head was broken. He was incapable of livinghis life, much less playing professional football. For nearly a decade, Hoge had ignored pain and injury to keep himself on the field. It was part of what had made him so successful. Even in that final game, Hoge had been playing with a broken hand. After the concussion, doctors had fitted him with a cast, reasoning that he wouldn’t be playing again for a while. But there was no cast for what he was dealing with now.
“You’re just gonna take this?” Hoge thought to himself. “You’re not gonna put up a fight or question him? You’re just gonna go: ‘Okay’?”
But that was exactly what he did. Hoge flew back to Chicago, notified his teammates, and officially announced his retirement from the NFL. He was 29.
Over the next several months, as Hoge’s memory slowly returned, Maroon would get phone calls in the middle of the night. He knew who it was before he answered. “Hey, you know, Doc, I feel great!” Hoge would say. “There’s nothing wrong with me!”
Maroon would patiently walk Hoge through it all over again. There was no telling what might happen if he got hit again. He could lose his memory permanently, even his life. And there was always the chance that he would accelerate the process that led to a series of devastating diseases: Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, dementia.
Hoge would let it pass until the next time he ached to get back on the field. Then he’d call Maroon again.
One night, Hoge went to make a personal appearance in Pittsburgh. It was a wine tasting, of all things. Hoge didn’t drink wine, but he had committed to going, and so he showed up and pretended he cared or knew anything about wine. He commented on how one wine was bold and one was dry and one was wet.
“Here, try this one,” someone said.
“So I did the little swirling thing; I was gonna be a smart-ass and take a little sip,” Hoge said. He pressed it to his lips. And then the world went black.
“Everything shut off,” he said. “I mean, there was nothing. I scratched my eyes. I blinked my eyes, and I couldn’t see a thing.”
For ten seconds Hoge couldn’t see. When his sight came back, hecalled Maroon in a panic. The Steelers were in New York playing the Jets, and Hoge reached Maroon at the team hotel. Maroon told him it was an indication that part of his brain was still traumatized.
“This is what I’m trying to tell you, Merril,” Maroon said. “You’re not healed. Are you willing to risk your vision to play?”
Hoge understood.
“I won’t be calling you anymore,” he said.
3
“DAD IS IN OHIO”
The dream house hadturned into a nightmare. Besides the leaks and the minor flaws, real and imagined, that Mike Webster
B
, for example. Profanity was allowed. Some players called it the“Fuck Ass Shit Test.”
Before his concussion, Hoge listed 43 words in 60 seconds. After: 21.
Hoge then took the Trail Making Test, a measure of mental flexibility in which he was asked to connect a set of 25 dots as quickly as possible. He couldn’t complete it.
Lovell showed the results to Maroon. Theneurosurgeon was shaken. It was as if Hoge had run his car into a wall at high speed. Maroon’s first thought was: “I don’t want anybody to die following a football game on my watch.”
He summoned Hoge to Allegheny General. Maroon’s office was packed with Steelers memorabilia, plastic brains, neurological textbooks, and dozens of papers Maroon had written on brain science.
He laid it out bluntly: “You do this to your brain again, I can’t help you. Whatever happens, it’s done, it’s final, it’s finished. If you drool or you can’t speak or you can’t function, I can’t do anything about that. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I allowed you to play again.”
“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Maroon asked.
Hoge did. More than anyone, he was painfully aware of how hurt he was. The inside of his head was broken. He was incapable of livinghis life, much less playing professional football. For nearly a decade, Hoge had ignored pain and injury to keep himself on the field. It was part of what had made him so successful. Even in that final game, Hoge had been playing with a broken hand. After the concussion, doctors had fitted him with a cast, reasoning that he wouldn’t be playing again for a while. But there was no cast for what he was dealing with now.
“You’re just gonna take this?” Hoge thought to himself. “You’re not gonna put up a fight or question him? You’re just gonna go: ‘Okay’?”
But that was exactly what he did. Hoge flew back to Chicago, notified his teammates, and officially announced his retirement from the NFL. He was 29.
Over the next several months, as Hoge’s memory slowly returned, Maroon would get phone calls in the middle of the night. He knew who it was before he answered. “Hey, you know, Doc, I feel great!” Hoge would say. “There’s nothing wrong with me!”
Maroon would patiently walk Hoge through it all over again. There was no telling what might happen if he got hit again. He could lose his memory permanently, even his life. And there was always the chance that he would accelerate the process that led to a series of devastating diseases: Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, dementia.
Hoge would let it pass until the next time he ached to get back on the field. Then he’d call Maroon again.
One night, Hoge went to make a personal appearance in Pittsburgh. It was a wine tasting, of all things. Hoge didn’t drink wine, but he had committed to going, and so he showed up and pretended he cared or knew anything about wine. He commented on how one wine was bold and one was dry and one was wet.
“Here, try this one,” someone said.
“So I did the little swirling thing; I was gonna be a smart-ass and take a little sip,” Hoge said. He pressed it to his lips. And then the world went black.
“Everything shut off,” he said. “I mean, there was nothing. I scratched my eyes. I blinked my eyes, and I couldn’t see a thing.”
For ten seconds Hoge couldn’t see. When his sight came back, hecalled Maroon in a panic. The Steelers were in New York playing the Jets, and Hoge reached Maroon at the team hotel. Maroon told him it was an indication that part of his brain was still traumatized.
“This is what I’m trying to tell you, Merril,” Maroon said. “You’re not healed. Are you willing to risk your vision to play?”
Hoge understood.
“I won’t be calling you anymore,” he said.
3
“DAD IS IN OHIO”
The dream house hadturned into a nightmare. Besides the leaks and the minor flaws, real and imagined, that Mike Webster
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