had stopped can-kicking for a moment to give the girls a lookover. Mimi, hanging back behind Tess, saw Joel coming out of the shop with cigarettes. He quickly unwrapped the pack, throwing the cellophane into the bin outside the store. That was something, she thought, at least he was litter-aware, even if the smoking was a disappointment. But hey, you couldn’t have everything. That was something her dad had said last time he and her mum had been rowing. The house was full of shouting, all echoes and anger. ‘You want it all, Nell, that’s always been your trouble,’ he’d said. And then he’d said the really weird thing: ‘I was never going to be that “all” for you, was I?
You
always knew that.
I
always knew that.’ And then he’d stormed off somewhere in his car and her mum had run upstairs and cried and Mimi had found her later, asleep on the bed with the photo album she’d kept from her college days beside her.
‘ ’Lo,’ Joel suddenly said to Mimi (not to Tess, she noticed, not to Tess) as he lit a cigarette. He looked uncertain, as if he had no ideas for words that should follow on from this.
‘Hi Joel,’ Mimi said. Did he actually even know her name, she wondered? She’d run into him several times, just sort of around, and at a couple of parties. He knew Tess’s brother – they played in the same St Edmund’s rugby team.
Mimi sat on the bench outside the shop and watched as Tess revved herself up to full-scale hyper-giggle with the Stuart twins. It wasn’t that she wanted to be
like
Tess exactly, but Mimi did very much envy her easy way with the boys. Apart from all the hair-flicking and pouting and posing, she did have a talent for casual, endless chat. It might be about nothing at all but they found her fun to be with. Mimi, on the edge of the group, waited silently in the cold with her bag on her lap and wondered how snobby it would look if she simply got up and carried on walking to school. Joel was also looking a bit out of place. He leaned against the shop door frame smoking his cigarette, but then stubbed it out halfway through and binned it.
‘That’s it. I quit,’ he told her.
‘I’m supposed to be impressed?’ Oh, that came out wrong, challenging and a bit snide. He looked surprised.
‘Sorry – I mean, why now? You just bought those.’
‘Yeah, but it’s a rubbish habit. I just do it at this time in the morning. I don’t like habits – they can rule your life. If you want to change you have to do it when you think of it. If I waited till I’d got through the pack it might be too late.’ He came and sat close beside Mimi on the bench, his leg against hers. ‘And if you get habits, you get stuck. You need your brain free for thinking new stuff.’
‘What about when your life changes and you’ve got no choice about it? Aren’t things like comfort habits useful then? Like chocolate or, I dunno, your favourite misery music?’ If he asked, she’d tell him about her parents separating. But he wouldn’t ask, not yet. He didn’t know enough about her, probably actually nothing at all.
Joel was silent for a moment, looking closely into Mimi’s face. She smiled, so did he. Nice teeth, she thought. Gentle, blue eyes. His hair was the kind of mid-colour that would be blond by July. It curled at the ends like Johnny Borrell’s and had a shaggy, soft look. She had to stop herself reaching across and touching it, to see if it felt soft like a dandelion clock.
‘What do you want to do?’ he asked her.
‘What, now? Um … well, I’ve got double geography in twenty minutes.’
Joel laughed. ‘No, long-term. University, life, all that …’
‘Ah,
big
questions.’ Mimi looked across at Tess, who was now having a go at keepy-uppy with a football belonging to one of the Stuart twins. She was hopeless but didn’t care. Her short school kilt was flipping up and down and the boys were laughing, urging her to have another go, probably because they liked looking at so
You
always knew that.
I
always knew that.’ And then he’d stormed off somewhere in his car and her mum had run upstairs and cried and Mimi had found her later, asleep on the bed with the photo album she’d kept from her college days beside her.
‘ ’Lo,’ Joel suddenly said to Mimi (not to Tess, she noticed, not to Tess) as he lit a cigarette. He looked uncertain, as if he had no ideas for words that should follow on from this.
‘Hi Joel,’ Mimi said. Did he actually even know her name, she wondered? She’d run into him several times, just sort of around, and at a couple of parties. He knew Tess’s brother – they played in the same St Edmund’s rugby team.
Mimi sat on the bench outside the shop and watched as Tess revved herself up to full-scale hyper-giggle with the Stuart twins. It wasn’t that she wanted to be
like
Tess exactly, but Mimi did very much envy her easy way with the boys. Apart from all the hair-flicking and pouting and posing, she did have a talent for casual, endless chat. It might be about nothing at all but they found her fun to be with. Mimi, on the edge of the group, waited silently in the cold with her bag on her lap and wondered how snobby it would look if she simply got up and carried on walking to school. Joel was also looking a bit out of place. He leaned against the shop door frame smoking his cigarette, but then stubbed it out halfway through and binned it.
‘That’s it. I quit,’ he told her.
‘I’m supposed to be impressed?’ Oh, that came out wrong, challenging and a bit snide. He looked surprised.
‘Sorry – I mean, why now? You just bought those.’
‘Yeah, but it’s a rubbish habit. I just do it at this time in the morning. I don’t like habits – they can rule your life. If you want to change you have to do it when you think of it. If I waited till I’d got through the pack it might be too late.’ He came and sat close beside Mimi on the bench, his leg against hers. ‘And if you get habits, you get stuck. You need your brain free for thinking new stuff.’
‘What about when your life changes and you’ve got no choice about it? Aren’t things like comfort habits useful then? Like chocolate or, I dunno, your favourite misery music?’ If he asked, she’d tell him about her parents separating. But he wouldn’t ask, not yet. He didn’t know enough about her, probably actually nothing at all.
Joel was silent for a moment, looking closely into Mimi’s face. She smiled, so did he. Nice teeth, she thought. Gentle, blue eyes. His hair was the kind of mid-colour that would be blond by July. It curled at the ends like Johnny Borrell’s and had a shaggy, soft look. She had to stop herself reaching across and touching it, to see if it felt soft like a dandelion clock.
‘What do you want to do?’ he asked her.
‘What, now? Um … well, I’ve got double geography in twenty minutes.’
Joel laughed. ‘No, long-term. University, life, all that …’
‘Ah,
big
questions.’ Mimi looked across at Tess, who was now having a go at keepy-uppy with a football belonging to one of the Stuart twins. She was hopeless but didn’t care. Her short school kilt was flipping up and down and the boys were laughing, urging her to have another go, probably because they liked looking at so
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