thinking it, so go ahead and say it…I’m a monster, right? I’m the most horrible monster imaginable for feeling like this, aren’t I?”
Taken aback by the soft smile that spreads across his face, I feel the heat of more tears in my eyes when he speaks the most perfect answer. “Sugar, feeling the way you do doesn’t make you a monster,” he tells me gently, pausing only to tuck a damp chunk of matted hair behind my ear, “It makes you human.”
“You really believe that? That having such real feelings of hatred and anger like I do is a human quality?”
“Yeah, I really do. Because if it isn’t, then I’m an even bigger monster than what your nightmares can conjure up,” he chuckles, sitting back against the couch again. When he does it though, he pulls me with him so that I can curl up into a ball sort of half on his lap and half next to him with his arms around me. With another sigh, he rests his chin on the top of my head and says, “Seriously, Erica, if you only knew what I wanted to do to some of the people here tonight…I mean I know she’s a friend of yours, but that Destiny chick honestly had me re-thinking the rule of guys not hitting girls.”
I sigh, feeling a little embarrassed and sorry for Destiny. She’ll just never work up the nerve to do anything about it and no doubt, I’ll have to hear all about how she was sooo close to telling Cole that she likes him, but chickened out at the last minute or something. Then I think about it and decide to do her and myself a favor by outing her. “Yeah well, she’s had a crush on you for a long time, but just hasn’t known how to say anything or go about showing you.”
“Uh, no kidding, I think I picked up on that. And mostly thanks to the excessive saliva she produces every time I’ve ever been within spitting distance of her. You know, drool tends to send the message special delivery like that. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m flattered, but I’m even more relieved she’s not a camel, because I’ve been to the zoo and those things can spit really fuckin’ far. Still, she really pissed me off tonight and it was all I could do to go easy on her when I booted her out. And don’t even get me started on what I would’ve done had I actually made it to the football field for that funeral today. I’m telling’ ya, your head would spin.”
“Why didn’t you?” I ask in a small voice, instantly dropping the subject of Destiny’s obsession with him due to the fact that I’m suddenly apprehensive about possibly having just opened a can of worms that Cole would prefer to remain closed. Still, I need to know why. “Make it to the football field I mean…”
He sighs and I can feel him shift his shoulders trying to get more comfortable with me haphazardly sitting in his lap like an overgrown baby. “I wanted to be there, really… I wanted to be there, to sit there and remember him with his parents and you, but, I just couldn’t do it. I got to the school and saw all the news vans and television crews hovering around everyone getting out of their cars and the people trying to get through the line to the football field in peace, and how it seemed like just about everyone in town was using his death to gain ratings and popularity.
“You know, like everyone else who’s ever lived here and died didn’t have the clout to pull in the votes or viewers like a hometown boy who’d already made it onto national television by playing football for a college that just spent however many millions of dollars upgrading their sports complex. I mean I get it, it was a shocking event and it literally happened on the field, which automatically makes it noteworthy, but…I don’t know. I just felt like puking when I pulled into the parking lot, knowing I was about to become another number in the funeral statistics that would be listed off on fucking ESPN or something,” he rants, and I’m becoming just as upset about the whole thing too, although
Taken aback by the soft smile that spreads across his face, I feel the heat of more tears in my eyes when he speaks the most perfect answer. “Sugar, feeling the way you do doesn’t make you a monster,” he tells me gently, pausing only to tuck a damp chunk of matted hair behind my ear, “It makes you human.”
“You really believe that? That having such real feelings of hatred and anger like I do is a human quality?”
“Yeah, I really do. Because if it isn’t, then I’m an even bigger monster than what your nightmares can conjure up,” he chuckles, sitting back against the couch again. When he does it though, he pulls me with him so that I can curl up into a ball sort of half on his lap and half next to him with his arms around me. With another sigh, he rests his chin on the top of my head and says, “Seriously, Erica, if you only knew what I wanted to do to some of the people here tonight…I mean I know she’s a friend of yours, but that Destiny chick honestly had me re-thinking the rule of guys not hitting girls.”
I sigh, feeling a little embarrassed and sorry for Destiny. She’ll just never work up the nerve to do anything about it and no doubt, I’ll have to hear all about how she was sooo close to telling Cole that she likes him, but chickened out at the last minute or something. Then I think about it and decide to do her and myself a favor by outing her. “Yeah well, she’s had a crush on you for a long time, but just hasn’t known how to say anything or go about showing you.”
“Uh, no kidding, I think I picked up on that. And mostly thanks to the excessive saliva she produces every time I’ve ever been within spitting distance of her. You know, drool tends to send the message special delivery like that. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m flattered, but I’m even more relieved she’s not a camel, because I’ve been to the zoo and those things can spit really fuckin’ far. Still, she really pissed me off tonight and it was all I could do to go easy on her when I booted her out. And don’t even get me started on what I would’ve done had I actually made it to the football field for that funeral today. I’m telling’ ya, your head would spin.”
“Why didn’t you?” I ask in a small voice, instantly dropping the subject of Destiny’s obsession with him due to the fact that I’m suddenly apprehensive about possibly having just opened a can of worms that Cole would prefer to remain closed. Still, I need to know why. “Make it to the football field I mean…”
He sighs and I can feel him shift his shoulders trying to get more comfortable with me haphazardly sitting in his lap like an overgrown baby. “I wanted to be there, really… I wanted to be there, to sit there and remember him with his parents and you, but, I just couldn’t do it. I got to the school and saw all the news vans and television crews hovering around everyone getting out of their cars and the people trying to get through the line to the football field in peace, and how it seemed like just about everyone in town was using his death to gain ratings and popularity.
“You know, like everyone else who’s ever lived here and died didn’t have the clout to pull in the votes or viewers like a hometown boy who’d already made it onto national television by playing football for a college that just spent however many millions of dollars upgrading their sports complex. I mean I get it, it was a shocking event and it literally happened on the field, which automatically makes it noteworthy, but…I don’t know. I just felt like puking when I pulled into the parking lot, knowing I was about to become another number in the funeral statistics that would be listed off on fucking ESPN or something,” he rants, and I’m becoming just as upset about the whole thing too, although
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