Read Online Laid Open by Lauren Dane - Free Book Online

can’t wait for Martine to get to that age. He reminds me so much of Erin when she was small. He’s happy and loved and spoiled to death. Hell, Miles slept over here last night and Alexander has been stuck to his side.”
    Ben took a deep breath. Alexander was just a baby and now he was a toddler. Soon he’d be a preschooler and so on. He’d be Miles’ age one day. Miles and Rennie would grow up and go to college, get married, do all the stuff that makes life so great.
    Yes. Things moved on. Life continued. He knew what they needed to do and it drove the panic back.
    Brody heaved a sigh. “Just . . . tell her I love her. Text me to keep me updated. Elise worries.”
    Ben snorted
. Elise
, yeah, right. “Ah, well, we wouldn’t want to worry Elise.”
    “Ha. Look, just . . . you all take care of each other, okay?”
    Ben looked to Todd and then nodded. “Yeah. Definitely.”
    They spoke a while longer before hanging up.
    Todd stood up and began to pace. It was his goal in life to make Erin’s better. Easier. He wanted to protect her from this shit and he didn’t know how. This wasn’t a stalker. It wasn’t someone he could punch or a place he could remove her from.
    This was something he couldn’t touch. He fisted his hands as he moved. Helpless. Damn it. Seeing her like this made him feel helpless.
    “It hasn’t been like this in years. Since I came back to Seattle. She was a fucking mess that first year. I don’t know how to fix her, but I sure as hell don’t want her to go back to that dark place she was in before she had us to help.”
    “You can’t.” Ben was so calm. It soothed, even as it rankled. “We can’t fix this.” He didn’t shrug, he just watched Todd move.
    Todd halted his pacing to gape at Ben. “What do you mean? She’s out there right now.
Alone
. Upset. We can’t just sit around, helpless.”
    “We can’t fix this, and I don’t think that’s what she needs anyway.”
    “Of course it’s what she needs!” He tried not to yell but it was a close thing.
    “Yeah? So what can you do? Magic? Can you bring her daughter back? Because that’s the only thing that will
fix
this.”
    “How can you be so calm now, Ben? You saw her.”
    Ben nodded. “I did. I saw the pain in her features. The guilt. I can be calm because that’s what she needs. Nothing else is going to help. Not her, not you, not me.”
    The truth of it did little to make Todd feel better. “It tears me apart to see her this way.”
    Ben got up and went to Todd, wrapping his arms around him. “Me too. But this is part of Erin. Sometimes she can get through it just fine; other times it cuts her open. We can’t change that. This thing she endured, it’s not something anyone should. It has marked her forever and that’s how it’s supposed to be.”
    “It makes me sick.” Todd sat and Ben followed him, keeping an arm around his shoulders. “And here I am, upset like a selfish asshole.”
    Ben brushed a kiss across his temple before shaking his head. “The both of you and all this guilt you carry for things you aren’t responsible for.” Ben tipped Todd’s chin to look him square in the eyes. “You’re allowed to grieve about it too, you know.”
    Todd cocked his head, looking at Ben carefully. “This happened to
her
. It’s not about me.”
    “’Course it’s about you. It’s about me. It’s about everyone who loves Erin. This is ours because it’s hers. You don’t always have to be so fucking strong. I’m not going to judge you for feeling deeply. You can let yourself lean on me for a change. Let me be the strong one.”
    They were raised to be strong men. And they were. But sometimes a strong man had to bend or he’d break.
    And this big, strong man who knew every inch of Todd’s body, and of his heart, knew that.
    “I’m not saying it’s appropriate to make it about your upset when we’re with her and she needs to get it all out. But I’m saying—and I’ve thought about this a