prevail, I will give up my life for my offense.
No one comes to speak with me for a long time. Finally I hear footfalls nearby and turn to see Belert approaching. He carries a waterskin and a loaf of bread.
“Have you eaten?” he asks. His voice is kind.
I shake my head. “I have bread, but no appetite.”
“You must eat something. We will leave at first light in the morning.” He is silent for a few minutes, then sighs and sits down beside me. He breaks off a piece of the bread and hands it to me.
“It is not unusual to freeze with fright in your first battle.”
“But I am…was…a chief,” I say.
“I should not have kept you beside me. The first wave of an attack is frightening, and only experienced warriors can hold firm. I forgot that you had not seen a full battle before.”
“But I was not frightened,” I say. “Oh, perhaps at first, before they started toward us, but that faded at once. I was calm and ready for anything—I thought. I never expected to see him here, and the shock stunned me for a time.”
Belert looks puzzled. “Him?”
“Durant.”
He stares at me in silence for several moments, then speaks carefully, slowly, as one speaks to a child. “Where did you see Durant?”
“Behind Andrina. He was the third person in the chariot; I didn't recognize him until the driver swerved so that Durant was directly in front of me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course,” I say.
“Sometimes things seem to appear when we want them too much,” he says.
“I certainly didn't want Durant riding beside an enemy chief,” I snap. “Faolan rode toward us, and I pushed ahead of you to shield you. I know my duty. I am—was—proud to ride on your sword side.”
“Did you feel fear then?”
“No!” The question angers me. “I have faced enemies before. I welcomed the thought of combat with Faolan. He has earned my hatred.”
“As Faolan approached, someone else broke through the line around us and I went to Spusscio's aid, leaving Faolan to you. Did you engage him?”
“No. He swerved just out of sword range and turned back into his ranks. Andrina's chariot was behind him, and it kept coming. As it reached me, it too swerved and turned across my path. Durant was an arm's length away.”
“Why do you think it was Durant?”
“I know it was.” I think about the man I saw. “I wouldn't mistake Durant even with the helmet covering so much of his face. It could not have been anyone else.”
He sighs heavily. “I do not know what this means. The law…”
“I know what the law says.”
He pulls himself up and looks beyond me. “I cannot bear to lose you, too.”
I bow my head and bite my lip to keep from crying. I've not only disgraced myself, but I've brought more sorrow to my father.
He reaches out and pulls me up beside him. “I must go. Perr and the others are waiting.”
I lean against him with my face mashed into his leather war vest for a moment, then gulp and pull myself away. “I'm sorry, Father. I wish that I could relive those moments.”
“Be strong, Ilena.” He tries to smile, then turns and leaves me.
No one else comes until nearly dark. I've gathered wood for a night fire and am dragging last summer's oak leaves into a pile for a bed when Gillis arrives. I think for a moment that he must have waited till dark, when no one would see him talking with me, but a closer look at his tired face and bloodstained clothing tells me that I've misjudged him.
“I would have come sooner,” he begins, “but the surgery is busy.”
“I should have come,” I say. But should I have? Would I have been welcome? Finally I confess, “I didn't know what to do.”
He lowers himself to the ground by the fire and leans his chin on his drawn-up knees. “I almost sent for you, but I feared that some would resent your presence. The story of the first moments of battle has spread throughout our camps.”
“I'm sure that it has.”
“Word of your courage and your fighting
No one comes to speak with me for a long time. Finally I hear footfalls nearby and turn to see Belert approaching. He carries a waterskin and a loaf of bread.
“Have you eaten?” he asks. His voice is kind.
I shake my head. “I have bread, but no appetite.”
“You must eat something. We will leave at first light in the morning.” He is silent for a few minutes, then sighs and sits down beside me. He breaks off a piece of the bread and hands it to me.
“It is not unusual to freeze with fright in your first battle.”
“But I am…was…a chief,” I say.
“I should not have kept you beside me. The first wave of an attack is frightening, and only experienced warriors can hold firm. I forgot that you had not seen a full battle before.”
“But I was not frightened,” I say. “Oh, perhaps at first, before they started toward us, but that faded at once. I was calm and ready for anything—I thought. I never expected to see him here, and the shock stunned me for a time.”
Belert looks puzzled. “Him?”
“Durant.”
He stares at me in silence for several moments, then speaks carefully, slowly, as one speaks to a child. “Where did you see Durant?”
“Behind Andrina. He was the third person in the chariot; I didn't recognize him until the driver swerved so that Durant was directly in front of me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course,” I say.
“Sometimes things seem to appear when we want them too much,” he says.
“I certainly didn't want Durant riding beside an enemy chief,” I snap. “Faolan rode toward us, and I pushed ahead of you to shield you. I know my duty. I am—was—proud to ride on your sword side.”
“Did you feel fear then?”
“No!” The question angers me. “I have faced enemies before. I welcomed the thought of combat with Faolan. He has earned my hatred.”
“As Faolan approached, someone else broke through the line around us and I went to Spusscio's aid, leaving Faolan to you. Did you engage him?”
“No. He swerved just out of sword range and turned back into his ranks. Andrina's chariot was behind him, and it kept coming. As it reached me, it too swerved and turned across my path. Durant was an arm's length away.”
“Why do you think it was Durant?”
“I know it was.” I think about the man I saw. “I wouldn't mistake Durant even with the helmet covering so much of his face. It could not have been anyone else.”
He sighs heavily. “I do not know what this means. The law…”
“I know what the law says.”
He pulls himself up and looks beyond me. “I cannot bear to lose you, too.”
I bow my head and bite my lip to keep from crying. I've not only disgraced myself, but I've brought more sorrow to my father.
He reaches out and pulls me up beside him. “I must go. Perr and the others are waiting.”
I lean against him with my face mashed into his leather war vest for a moment, then gulp and pull myself away. “I'm sorry, Father. I wish that I could relive those moments.”
“Be strong, Ilena.” He tries to smile, then turns and leaves me.
No one else comes until nearly dark. I've gathered wood for a night fire and am dragging last summer's oak leaves into a pile for a bed when Gillis arrives. I think for a moment that he must have waited till dark, when no one would see him talking with me, but a closer look at his tired face and bloodstained clothing tells me that I've misjudged him.
“I would have come sooner,” he begins, “but the surgery is busy.”
“I should have come,” I say. But should I have? Would I have been welcome? Finally I confess, “I didn't know what to do.”
He lowers himself to the ground by the fire and leans his chin on his drawn-up knees. “I almost sent for you, but I feared that some would resent your presence. The story of the first moments of battle has spread throughout our camps.”
“I'm sure that it has.”
“Word of your courage and your fighting
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