Read Online Know Not Why: A Novel by Hannah Johnson - Free Book Online Page A

to be that you can’t have both. But then Bassanio
marries Portia, who’s rich, and who he apparently loves. But in the
end, when he’s forced to choose between Portia and Antonio with the
whole ring thing, he sides with Antonio. So maybe that’s like …
something there, too.”
    Yeah, Erin, or maybe it’s nothing . Bros
before hos. It’s not like that’s a new thing. It’s not like
Shakespeare missed the memo on that one. Shakespeare had bros up
the wazoo.
    Or, well, not, you know, literally, I just –
shit, whatever, whatever, seriously, whatever.
    “Yes,” Professor Herrick says. “Well, the
argument that homoerotic subtext exists between Antonio and
Bassanio is by no means an unpopular one. In fact, W.H. Auden wrote
in his essay ‘Brothers and Others’ that—”
    “Or maybe,” cuts in a voice that’s – oh, hey,
look at that, mine , “you’re reading too much into it.”
    Herrick looks taken aback for a second; then he
says, “That’s a valid opinion as well, Howie.”
    “I don’t think you can necessarily argue against
it,” the girl sitting next to me says, turning her gaze on me.
“Like, it’s ambiguous. You can see it if you want to see it, and if
it weirds you out or whatever, then, fine, don’t.”
    Herrick tries to take the reins from here. “The
ambiguity of Shakespeare is certainly—”
    “But who’s to say it’s gay.” It’s like I’m
fucking possessed. “What is up with this, like, desperate need to
make all guys gay just because they dare to interact with each
other for more than five minutes? Like, here’s a really crazy
theory: Frodo and Sam were just buddies. ”
    “How about Antonio being all depressed at the
beginning of the play?” the girl argues.
    “He doesn’t know why he’s depressed! ‘In
sooth, I know not why I am so sad’ – it’s only the first friggin’
line of the entire play—”
    “That’s what he says . We never get an
explanation why – it’s not like it’s a stretch to interpret that
it’s because—”
    “He says it’s not because he’s in love,”
I remind her, pretty pissed off, like, what, did she even bother to
read the damn thing? Fie, fie, bitch.
    “Because if he’s in love with a man in
Elizabethan England, oh, he’s absolutely gonna scream it from the
rooftops! Maybe the reason he’s saying it’s not love is because he
knows that it will completely ruin him if that knowledge gets
out.”
    “And maybe it’s because he’s not .
They could be friends, you know, that’s not exactly inconceivable.
So they care about each other, so what? Since when does that mean
they secretly want to screw each other’s brains out? It’s
ridiculous and unnecessary. It’s gross.”
    “Oh, that is such typical macho homophobic
bull,” snarls the girl. I wouldn’t be surprised if she leapt out of
her desk and started beating me over the head with the textbook.
And, like, on any other day, I’d say something back, I’d hurry to
assure her that everyone can do their own thing and I’m totally
cool with it. But today? Today? I don’t know, man, I just want to
laugh. Or maybe just get up, storm right out of the room and never
come back.
    I don’t. I ignore the fact that she’s trying to
blow up my head with the power of her stare. I ignore the jumpy,
unsettled, sick feeling that’s burrowing down into my bones. I just
look away from her, back down at my notes. So far, they consist of
the date.
    Keep on keepin’ on.
    “Okay, let’s move on,” Professor Herrick says.
He glances over at the two of us like he’s afraid we’re going to
start dueling.
    “It’s not like you can catch it, you know.
Especially not from reading a five hundred year old play,” she
hisses in my ear as Herrick strikes up a Shylock discussion . “Grow up. It’s assholes like you who make this world the way it
is.”
    And it’s not like I’m even going to bother
replying to that, because what do I say? ‘Actually, for your
information, I just