Read Online Klutzy Love by Sharon Kleve - Free Book Online
Authors: Sharon Kleve
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Union around midnight—if I’m still awake.
Corny
***
The next morning I was determined to help Ralph be successful. After lunch, I forwarded the phones to the operator and we went into the conference room to practice for his first board meeting. My strategy was to toss out questions that might come up, and see how he reacted, but it totally threw him. He stuttered through all his answers.
Out of nowhere he blurted, “I can’t control my stuttering. It happens when I’m nervous. What am I going to do? The staff will make fun of me. Whenever I’m around, they’re always snickering.”
“Ralph, I want to help you. Try and relax and speak slowly. It seems to worsen when you talk fast. Okay?” What I wanted to tell him was to lick his finger and stick it in a wall socket.
“Okay, but it better work or I’ll dock your pay.”
“Listen Ralph, I’m trying to help. You need to gain the employees’ respect and stuttering won’t help.”
“Study my notes for a while and then we’ll re-visit them after lunch.”
“All right.” His head rested on the conference table when I left and he looked pretty glum. I shook Pete awake. I needed his help.
“Hey, you woke me up from a wonderful dream about a harem of sexy ferrets.”
“Do me a favor and go check on Ralph. He didn’t look too happy when I left him.”
“He’s fine. He ’ s chanting, ‘I will not stutter, I will not stutter.’ ”
Good. He learned a new skill from me today — a chant. If I could teach Ralph one new thing a day, he’d be ready to run the company in maybe a year.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
It was finally my speed date night and I made sure to check my email before I left for my first date. The Beaver, my midnight date wrote:
Dear Corny,
I’m sorry but I have to cancel my date for tonight. I’m disappointed because I was looking forward to meeting you. You sound hot. Maybe we could go to Burger King next weekend. I’ve been called in to work a double shift at my job as the newly promoted night manager. I work at the McDonalds right below the Seattle Ferry Terminal; it’s the best job ever.
Sincerely,
The Beaver
“Sounds like a winner—not.”
“True. He doesn’t sound like my dream man, that’s for sure. I’ve been to that particular McDonalds a few times. It’s a real dump. Strangely, my date with The Beaver was supposed to be at Burger King on 1 st Avenue and Pike. Do you think he was going to use our date to spy on the competition?”
“I wonder what his title was before he was the night manager—the french fry machine manager?”
“Oh, you had to bring up french fries. I’m starving… I fricken love french fries; they’re golden, crispy, and wonderfully salty. I’ve perfected the ketchup-to-french fry ratio. First, I pour all my precious french fries onto a stack of about ten little white napkins. Make sure the napkins are perfectly lined up on top of each other first. If you get too much ketchup in one spot your french fries get soggy. Carefully tear the corner of the ketchup packet open with your teeth. If you’re not sure where to tear, look closely at the corner of the packet and you’ll see a dashed line. If you’re squeamish about putting your mouth on the ketchup packet, then wipe them down with a sanitary wipe. Now that you have the packet open, carefully dribble two packets of ketchup evenly over your fries. If you’re a salt fiend like me, you can sprinkle additional salt at this time.”
“Now you’ve got me craving french fries, do you have time to pick up a large order before your dates start?”
“No, but even if I did, I wouldn’t feed you greasy food. Kari told me what happens when you eat grease and it’s not pleasant.”
“Fine, be a party-pooper.”
“The point is, I better not see poop any place, but in your box. Got it?”
“Got it.”
“The Beaver’s cancellation was a plus, because I might’ve been a little overzealous by arranging six dates for one night. But
Corny
***
The next morning I was determined to help Ralph be successful. After lunch, I forwarded the phones to the operator and we went into the conference room to practice for his first board meeting. My strategy was to toss out questions that might come up, and see how he reacted, but it totally threw him. He stuttered through all his answers.
Out of nowhere he blurted, “I can’t control my stuttering. It happens when I’m nervous. What am I going to do? The staff will make fun of me. Whenever I’m around, they’re always snickering.”
“Ralph, I want to help you. Try and relax and speak slowly. It seems to worsen when you talk fast. Okay?” What I wanted to tell him was to lick his finger and stick it in a wall socket.
“Okay, but it better work or I’ll dock your pay.”
“Listen Ralph, I’m trying to help. You need to gain the employees’ respect and stuttering won’t help.”
“Study my notes for a while and then we’ll re-visit them after lunch.”
“All right.” His head rested on the conference table when I left and he looked pretty glum. I shook Pete awake. I needed his help.
“Hey, you woke me up from a wonderful dream about a harem of sexy ferrets.”
“Do me a favor and go check on Ralph. He didn’t look too happy when I left him.”
“He’s fine. He ’ s chanting, ‘I will not stutter, I will not stutter.’ ”
Good. He learned a new skill from me today — a chant. If I could teach Ralph one new thing a day, he’d be ready to run the company in maybe a year.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
It was finally my speed date night and I made sure to check my email before I left for my first date. The Beaver, my midnight date wrote:
Dear Corny,
I’m sorry but I have to cancel my date for tonight. I’m disappointed because I was looking forward to meeting you. You sound hot. Maybe we could go to Burger King next weekend. I’ve been called in to work a double shift at my job as the newly promoted night manager. I work at the McDonalds right below the Seattle Ferry Terminal; it’s the best job ever.
Sincerely,
The Beaver
“Sounds like a winner—not.”
“True. He doesn’t sound like my dream man, that’s for sure. I’ve been to that particular McDonalds a few times. It’s a real dump. Strangely, my date with The Beaver was supposed to be at Burger King on 1 st Avenue and Pike. Do you think he was going to use our date to spy on the competition?”
“I wonder what his title was before he was the night manager—the french fry machine manager?”
“Oh, you had to bring up french fries. I’m starving… I fricken love french fries; they’re golden, crispy, and wonderfully salty. I’ve perfected the ketchup-to-french fry ratio. First, I pour all my precious french fries onto a stack of about ten little white napkins. Make sure the napkins are perfectly lined up on top of each other first. If you get too much ketchup in one spot your french fries get soggy. Carefully tear the corner of the ketchup packet open with your teeth. If you’re not sure where to tear, look closely at the corner of the packet and you’ll see a dashed line. If you’re squeamish about putting your mouth on the ketchup packet, then wipe them down with a sanitary wipe. Now that you have the packet open, carefully dribble two packets of ketchup evenly over your fries. If you’re a salt fiend like me, you can sprinkle additional salt at this time.”
“Now you’ve got me craving french fries, do you have time to pick up a large order before your dates start?”
“No, but even if I did, I wouldn’t feed you greasy food. Kari told me what happens when you eat grease and it’s not pleasant.”
“Fine, be a party-pooper.”
“The point is, I better not see poop any place, but in your box. Got it?”
“Got it.”
“The Beaver’s cancellation was a plus, because I might’ve been a little overzealous by arranging six dates for one night. But
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