Read Online Klutzy Love by Sharon Kleve - Free Book Online Page A

there didn’t seem to be any other cancellations.”
    “If you took me with you I could rate the guys. I could even follow them into the bathroom and give you descriptions of their man parts.”
    “No, that isn’t necessary. Kitty wanted to eat at the Green Leaf Vietnamese restaurant ever since they opened last year and she’s happy to check out my dates for me. Brenda has another date with the big goon. I wonder what Steve would say if he knew they were dating? She thought she could drag him to at least a couple of the restaurants. You can help me with my clothes, though.”
    “Bring a couple changes of clothing and keep them in the trunk of your car. You’re always bumping into things and you might end up with spinach dip on your boob.”
    “That’s a good idea. I haven’t eaten anything for breakfast or lunch. My stomach needs as much room as possible to fit in all the food. This morning I spent two hours on the treadmill and I did double sets of reps on the weight machine. But now, I have the weightlifting wiggles and I don’t know if I could lift my fork.”
    “You’re a train wreck; people refer to that as ‘overworking your muscles.’  What if your dates think you have a disease or drug addiction because of your wiggles? You need to relax. Drink a shot of tequila. It might help and it sure couldn’t hurt.”
    “If I ever participate in speed dating again I should eat before downing a shot of tequila. Along with the wiggles, now I’m feeling slightly dizzy. Pete, why do I listen to you?”
    “I’m not sure—I wouldn’t. Come on... take me with you, I’ll stay in your purse and only talk when you ask me a question.”
    “I know I’m going to regret this, but okay. My first date is with ‘Nick Shaver.’ I hope he’s nice and not a weirdo. I’m going to pig out.”
    “Who’s paying for allthis pigging out?”
    “I hadn’t thought about who would pay. The speed dating idea was mine. Unless they insist, I’ll buy. How’s that sound?”
    “That seems fair.”

    ***

    “We’re here and there’s plenty of parking — that’s a good sign, isn’t it?”
    “I guess. Or it could be that the food is crappy.”
    “I’m sure everything is wonderful. There’s a strange looking guy waving to me. That must be my date.”
    “Oh please, tell me that he is not your first date. He’s completely hairless; he has no eyebrows, lashes, or hair on his head. Do you want me to follow him into the bathroom and find out if he’s bald everywhere?”
    “Please no. I need a snack before I pass out.”
    “He’s smiling. He must be pleased with your appearance.”
    “Hi, I’m Corny. You must be Nick.”
    “Yes, I am. Let’s order a drink and get to know each other. What do you do, where do you live, and what kinds of things do you like to do when you’re not working?”
    “Wow, okay… I’ll get started on that list for you, but can we order our food first? I’m starved.”
    “Sure, what would you like? You look like you’re a light eater. You probably want a salad with the dressing on the side?”
    “Heck no, the hearty pastrami on rye is calling my name with a side of fries, please.”
    “I think I’ll go with the fish and chips.” He disapproved and his stare bugged me. To compensate, I made up a bunch of crazy stories about my life.
    “I grew up on a farm and we only ate what we raised. We slaughtered all of our own meat. I’m a wiz with a chainsaw.” He gulped and then smiled.
    “Oh look, our food’s here. Yummy.” Now I had an excuse not to talk.
    I’d put my purse on the chair next to me. Pete could crawl out and stretch his little legs. After a moment he whispered, “Chuckle, chuckle. Cool it with the slaughter talk, he’s getting turned on. You should see what I see down here—it’s impressive.”
    I whispered back, “Gross.”
    “Corny, is there something wrong with your sandwich?”
    “No, it’s great.”
    After I’d finished my sandwich and more small talk he